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With so many people in the family I need four statuses:

Shawners: Ran his first marathon today, received his medal, and declared it was SO fun no less than ten times in the following hour.

Justinbustin: Volunteering with a disaster relief training. Also, stayed up from midnight to 4:30am playing video games with his friend.

PSD: Exhausted (see above) but all dressed up and ready to go out with the hubs. Looking forward to seeing Mere!!

Brando: Exhausted for different reasons - work and setting up our new mattress to be sleep ready!

My son just ran his first marathon

Totally of his own initiative!! I don't want to forget these moments...

*Shawners saying no less than ten times how much fun it was

*Shawners saying the best part was crossing the finish line and having the people hand him his medal and that he didn't even have to stop running

*Shawners loving that his medal is real metal and not plastic like his sports trophies and racecar derby medals

*Shawners saying the best part was getting the medal and having a kid hand him a bottle of water as he want by

*The feeling of pride in my heart and the tears welling up in my eyes as a result as I watched Shawners run by

*Shawner's leadership as we waited to be called from the stands and how he moved us to a group that was called at least half an hour to an hour ahead of the original group we stood in

*Shawner's leadership leading me through the crowd as I silently had a claustrophobic panic and anxiety attack from all the people

*Shawner's letting me know he was embarrassed that I was hanging onto his shirt but that it was okay because I was nervous and didn't want to get stuck far behind him

*Shawner's letting me know he would be embarrassed if I ran with him since he's a third grader and only kindergarten through second had to have a parent run with them, but that it would be okay if I did

*Shawner's leadership in arranging a spot to meet up after the finish line so we wouldn't lose each other

*Hearing him say over and over and over how much fun it was

*Letting him know there are other kid marathons if he wanted to continue running mararthons

*His initiative to join the running club and run this marathon today all on his own

*His excitement about continuing to run

*Realizing I would've never made it to a marathon, even one I wasn't running without him, because of my claustrophobia with the sheer number of people

*Realizing now that he's taken the initiative I could possibly do it again on my own

*So, so, SO proud of him for running his first marathon

*So, so, SO happy he's so very happy about it

I love when my man reads between the lines

He's been working late every night since he got his new managerial position (awesomeness!) and tomorrow he's working while I'm juggling getting Justinbustin's friend home from a sleepover and then getting Justinbustin to a volunteer event at 11am, Shawners to a running event at 11am, and somehow being here from 8am-12pm for our mattress that's being delivered. Justinbustin's friends Mom is willing to take him where he needs to go, but the rest is on my plate. On top of that, Friday nights is our normal family night and it's 7:30pm and he's still not home. He is, however, picking up a pizza on the way home for family night.

I just called him crossing my fingers he didn't just get a meat pizza for the boys - I've been eating so healthy lately that my taste buds have no taste for the grease of meat (LOVE when that happens). He read my mind and got him and I a black olive, green pepper, and tomato pizza. Yum! He also arranged for my nephew to spend the night tonight so he can be available to be here tomorrow for the mattress or take Shawners to the running club. Amazing! Love when he reads my mind and takes care of things so awesomely!

I feel like I slept over at my boyfriend's house last night

Brando and I went to an event he photographed for last night. I met him halfway between home and his work and dumped everything I had in his car (camera, purse, cover up, sandals for when my feet got sore), then proceeded to empty the contents of my purse in his trunk so I could fit my new to me but his old camera in there inconspicuously. We had an absolute fantabulous time and when we got home last night I tried to salvage my purse contents from his trunk. Unfortunately, I missed a few things - mainly, my wallet and the garage remote. Oopsies! I totally feel like I slept over at my boyfriend's house last night and left half my things there. Good thing my boyfriend's hot and lives with me.

To My In-Town Girls

Sent February 10, 2011

Hi girls,

Because I'm sick and tired about lamenting about my physical inabilities lately, I thought I'd send you an email rather than a phone conversation where I pretend nothing is wrong because I don't want to whine about myself again.

Monday morning I got up after a phone conversation and couldn't stand up straight due to lower back pain. I don't know why. The only things I can think of are my recent ventures into rock climbing and then shoving a dresser around by myself on Saturday, perhaps it could've been several phone conversations with stressful news where I absolutely didn't watch my posture. The only time I've ever had lower back pain is when I was pregnant with Shawnes, and I am not pregnant. No matter.

I went to the doctor on Tuesday to do what FINALLY healed my back after a month of pain when I injured it working out two years ago. So hopefully I am spearheading the pain this time and won't be out of commission for a month like last time. Regardless, I've definitely been out of commission this week and am SO PISSED because one of my very closest friends is going away in a few days for a while, and another friend is moving in a few months, so my time with them? Non-existent at this point. Not to mention even less time with other girlfriends.

Last week, I took a self-imposed need to make sure life is in order time. Since then, I feel like it's being forced upon me - first with the snow day, then Justinbustin being sick, and now my back, and I am none too happy about it.

I hope you all can forgive me for not being available this week like I so wanted to be. Promise this will be the only whine email you will hear - all from the comfiness of my bed (which, by the way, did you know comfiness can get annoying?). Feel free to send chocolate, flowers, and hugs my way :) . In the meantime, I hope you'll forgive me as I have nothing to give right now.

xo

Update sent February 16, 2011

Hi girls,

While I wrote this email to Jae last night after I neglected to get back to her when she offered to bring us dinner last Sunday and then sent another email to check up on me, and so it's written as if to her and may be a little confusing, but I thought you'd appreciate the update as well.

The weekend went well and I was on my way to recovery. Then, on Monday, the boys had Valentine's parties. I normally always go to their parties and help out if I can, and thought I was doing well enough to do so this time. Only I ended up helping out with Shawner's for two hours, bending over the whole time. Still, I convinced myself that I would be fine. Not so this morning. I realized today that Brandon took care of me over the weekend which was why I was on my way to recovering. I don't take very good care of myself I'm realizing, tending to overdo it way too soon.

I am definitely feeling cooped up. I had a few good sobs today, and am sure there will be more tomorrow. I really, really dislike feeling this way. On top of that, the meds continue to make me loopy and are starting to break me out worse than I've ever seen.

But! I am trying to keep my head up. KT brought me chocolate and flowers on Saturday - actually we ended up running into her at the massage place on total accident and she had them in her car, about to bring them over to me. Brando had set up the massage in the first place, so both of those were heartening, as well as your email, and Li had offered to bring me chocolate martinis on Friday (I skipped girls night last week, and will this week as well as we changed the day for Valentine's Day) - though I declined as I don't think alcohol and what I'm taking would do well). On Sunday, I was able to say goodbye in person to my friend who is leaving for a month, and am grateful to have seen her before she left. I've been on facebook a bit, and chatted with one other friend.

The thing about stress like this is it can make all other problems seem way bigger, and that is what is happening today. Difficulties with Justinbustin at school, Brando's work, careless things at home the kids forgot to do, even just managing dinner and groceries - which is why, I just realized, I definitely should've taken you up on your offer! Brando and I are at each other's throats again tonight, which doesn't help matters, but the matters don't help it either, so it's just more stress.

As an upate to this email from last night, I am trying to be good about taking everything way easy and take care of myself as if Brando were taking care of me, even when he's not here. I took Advil a few hours ago, so I'm not really sure if I feel good or I just can't feel most of it. Any way, I will continue taking what I'm supposed to take until everything stops hurting. I haven't broke down in tears yet today, so that's a plus!

Beautiful Sunday

As I sit here on Valentine's Day morning with my fresh cup of coffee and Brando's famous fruit salad, my heart is bursting with the fun of Saturday.

But, Sunday was amazing in it's own right. I'm not one to sit by the sidelines and let life pass me by - usually I take the reins and make sure things happen. So being down and under this week with my back has thrown me for a loop. This weekend I had to lay low - between my back and all the meds I just didn't have the energy to get us doing activities like I normally do. Saturday turned out amazing, thanks to Brando.

Sunday all I wanted to do was say good-bye to my girlfriend who is leaving for a month. I didn't expect us to do anything else, because normally I would be the one to plan that and I didn't for the aforementioned reasons. Brando did take me to say good-bye to my friend. We picked her up and meandered over to a beautiful grassy area in the middle of town where you can see the skyline. Her and I walked to the top of a hill to see the backdrop of the skyline with the grassy area all around us, then I dropped her back off where she needed to meet up with another friend, while the boys stayed and played.

While I was dropping my friend off, the boys discovered an impromptu circus. The performers had brought all their toys out to play - silk ropes, wheels that you stand on and pedal, tight ropes, hula hoops hanging from a tree, and more. My friend and I had seen them from atop the hill, but didn't think about asking what they were up to. The boys and Brando had been brave enough to ask, and when I got back were playing away.

We spent the next three hours there pedaling on the wheels, climbing up the silk ropes (well, the boys did - I would have if my back was not injured and almost did any way until Brando reminded me that I had just said I was at the point where my back is okay but if I do anything to strain it it feels like it would go right back), and hula hooping in the tree.

The boys also found out they meet every Sunday there. I pride myself on researching the heck out of my town and knowing every little in and out, but you just can't research things like this - groups of people spontaneously gathering to share their art. Letting go and letting Brando figure out what to do as a family was a new thing for me, and I would've taken the reins if I had the energy. But now I see what can happen with a little spontaneity and Brando taking the lead, and am more apt to let him take the lead more often.

Best Valentines Ever

*Brando got us a couples' massage

*As soon as we got out of the massage my bestie was there with flowers and chocolate and the sweetest card ever since my back has been hurting. Totally ESP as normal - she had just been about to leave to take them to my house when Brando and I walked out of the massage room. We roll like that.

*Brando got me six months of massages - best Valentines present EVAH

*We went to IKEA and bought our very first decorations together as a couple. We bought a large mirror to put over the armoire in our bedroom, along with a turquoise vase, a white B (totally random that IKEA had that), and black and dark ocean blue candles. Can't wait to show it off when it's all done! It already looks gorgeous sitting up there where Brando put it, even though it's still in it's packaging. So much fun picking them out together. Plus, we took pictures of all the IKEA rooms we liked - love that!

*Went to dinner at our Valentine's Day staple, NXNW, where I had plenty o' wine.

*Brando took me on a shopping spree to Hot Topic where I got the cutest dress, grey and blue cami dress for the night of Valentine's Day, an adorable black pleated miniskirt, a cuff bracelet, and an awesome scarf/belt/strange thing with tiny metal chains hanging off it that I can't wait to throw around an outfit. Then to top it off he surprised me with a lovebird necklace I fell in love with. Totally spoiled.

*Watched Just Go With It at the Alamo - a dinner theatre - with more wine for me and beer for him. Loved the movie and laughed way more than I thought I would.

*Came home and crawled into bed to prepare for a beautiful day today.

The Little Moments

*Brando singing Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" to me when I ask him anything about how I look

*Dancing with my boys when Shawners danced to the radio outside the car when I picked him up from school, and when Justinbustin danced to the song playing on my computer. My favorite part is the spontaneity with which they break out into dance when they hear a song. I didn't do that as a kid and I LOVE that they do, and of course I dance with them. This afternoon when Justinbustin and I were dancing I said, "I love dancing with you guys." and he says, "I love it, too." Melt my heart.

*Being able to pick up and clean my house. I didn't know I could be so grateful for something so mundane, but being able to do it is a blessing.

*Brando setting up a couples' massage for him and I with my favorite masseuse for me. If nothing else good came out of me being in bed on my back the last week, this stands alone by itself. What a treat.

*Having good conversations with Justinbustin about schoolwork and setting up the perimeters of certain projects in school needing his full attention to details and other projects that aren't very important just need the requirements met and neat handwriting. I told him to let me know which category a project falls into so that I don't stress him out about schoolwork. I want him so desperately to know, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecclesiastes 9:10, but the truth is certain projects in school just aren't worth your energy at the expense of other projects. And I can see the stress I put on him when I try to emphasize those unimportant subjects at the cost of the projects (and extracurricular) activities that DO matter.

*Our old, torn courch finding a new home in the garage as a hangout for the local neighborhood kids and the boys as they put the space heater on, play their DS, bike around, play ball, play music, and chat. I didn't think we would be the local hang out for the kids as we don't have a game room or anything big for them to hang out. I am so grateful the couch gives them a place to hang out, and a garage full of toys gives them a desire to hang at our place.

*Watching my little man in the bathtub having a blast with only two cups, and realizing that he is about to pass the moment of innocence where he plays so happily in the bathtub saying, "Mommy, come here!" every two seconds to show me a new trick he discovered, and thereby enjoying every second of seeing his new made up tricks while I still can.

Parenting a Middle Schooler

As a side note, I have taken Vikadin (sp?) for my back and am a little loopy, so please forgive any nonsensical errors. Ironic that a post about parenting middle schoolers would start out with being on something. That aside...

he's not exactly a middle schooler yet. But he's close. One of the HUUUUGEEE problems I have with public school is that they expect the children to act like adults, but treat them like children. For example, Justinbustin is being asked to complete a college level report without ANY PREPARATION of how to follow directions to the T. On top of that, he is currently seated separately from his classmates because he was disruptive (read: had a stressful day at home and acted out at the classroom, just like us adults do, unless I'm the only one). He and a few other friends in his class had started a newspaper that his teacher completely encouraged and now has completely dropped the ball on. What message does that send?

In the meantime, I am struggling not to build walls with his spirit, but, dude, to be perfectly honest I don't know if I can handle the gangly, awkward teenage stage. One of the neighbor kids is going through it - last year, he looked like a boy, now he's in this gangly, awkward, hair crazy, gruffy voice, where his body kind of looks like it doesn't all belong together just yet. It is SO AWKWARD and Justinbustin is almost there. The hair totally doesn't help. He wants it long, and this is so so shallow of me, but it drives me CRAZY. He looks unkempt and sully and doesn't keep it brushed half the time. As of now, I told him if I have to remind him to brush it more than five times he's going to have to get a haircut. But DANG. I can't stand the long unkempt hair. He looks adorable when it's much longer, but even then it drives me nuts. I have a hard enough time keeping his attention span when "parenting" that I don't need him having extra hair to brush out of his face so I can see his eyes on top of it all.

I'm realizing absolutely none of this is making sense so I better stop now. Suffice it to say, I had no clue I'd be raising an adult someday and that someday is here. Some days it makes me oh so proud, some days it makes me ask what the hell am I doing, and some days like today it just drives me bonkers.

The drama continues

*Monday I got up from a phone conversation and couldn't stand up straight. It's Wednesday and I'm still on the bed. This afternoon though will be pain killers, muscle relaxants, and getting up and walking around so my body doesn't give out on me.

*Tuesday found out soap opera drama regarding my sister's two closest friends. Thank goodness my sister was smart enough to back off from one of the friend's a time ago and wasn't involved. Also, I *think* I finally started my period. Could be a miscarriage. Waiting on the results of the bloodwork pregnancy test. Went into the doctors and was prescribed the aforementioned pain killers and muscle relaxants. Normally, I don't take prescriptions - I'll pick them up *in case* but then will do my best naturally. I've learned with my back to take the darn prescriptions and save the month of misery. That, and get a massage. Those things are so much moolah though I usually wait until Brando makes the appointment because I can't justify the money.

*Wednesday I'm still in bed. Didn't take anything last night in case I'm pregnant and spent a miserable night all night. This morning I can stand up better but ALL my back muscles are sore. My childhood BF's brother went into code blue again. They put in a pacemaker if his heart stops again. He still can't breathe on his own. It's snowing in Austin. Again. Here's to hoping the drama slows down this week.

Oh my word

This week has been a WEEK. I'll bullet point it to save you the blabber

*Tuesday was the biggest meltdown Brando and I have had in a loooong time. Reverting back to eighteen or nineteen year old methods of arguing meltdown. Pathetic. Went over to Li's house and cried on her bed. She had just gotten done crying herself as the tension is so high between her sister and her who live together as Li is considering moving away to her hometown and M is not happy about it. Fortunately, B and I are on the mend. I went on immediate damage control and let my girlfriends know so that I had some space to do what we needed to. Good thing, too, cause their weeks ended up being just as horrendous as mine and I wouldn't have had the energy to support them and what I needed to do as well. This week I'm going on helping girlfriends recover time while still trying to manage the balance of family as well. Will let you know how that goes.

*Thursday Brando and I argued back and forth all day about what went down Tuesday night and came to somewhat of an agreement.

*Friday we were back on the same pageish. I found out my childhood BF's brother's heart stopped and they induced a coma to keep him alive. It snowed in Texas. Justinbustin walked half a mile in the cold in the evening and came home with a sore throat and a fever.

*Saturday we stayed home all day due to Justinbustin being sicked. Ended up cooking at home Saturday night instead of going out, which saved us a buttload of money.

*Sunday we spent that buttload of money we saved on remedies for Justinbustin. I found out my Dad had been in the ER the night before - fortunately it turned out it was for kidney stones and he bought himself a giant teddy bear for being in the hospital. I also found out Li is staying for the next year (yay!) which had been throwing me off as well thinking of her moving back to her hometown and her sister, M, moving into another apartment away from me. I have come to lean on them living next door so much, I really need to separate myself from that for when they really do move next year - or we do. In addition I found out Li's second mother, her nanny from childhood, passed away Friday. On top of that my childhood BF's brother's heart stopped again and they had to restart it again. They have to decide whether to let him live or die if it stops again as the chance is high he will be a vegetable if it does. Pray that it doesn't stop again.

*Today I finally caught up with my BFF, KT, after I hadn't talked to her all week due to damage control on my part from Tuesday's blowout. Turns out her week was miserable as well. Her childhood BF's dad passed away on Friday, her birthdays along with her sisters' birthdays and her dad's are all within the span of a month and these are the first birthdays without her mom here. She's having issues with binge eating to mask her emotions. Fortunately, we had an amazing hour long conversation and agreed it's a new week! She texted me this morning like she always does and I finally decided enough is enough and had to pick up the phone and call her to catch each other up. So glad I did. She always puts things in perspective for me. I love KT & PSD time - however we get ot have it.

So that's my crazy heck of a weekend. No, I haven't been tracking, but fortunately my weight is staying the same. I love the way I feel when I eat healthy and I've been attempting to maintain it. I did splurge on chips, guac, and hummus last night but not having dinner made up for it. Plus, I love how healthy fresh guac is with tomato, onion, lime juice, and garlic! Red pepper hummus is delicious as well. And Kettle Chips are delicious and as natural as a potato chip can get, thank goodness. Having my morning cup of coffee now, and can't wait to eat a huge bowl of fruit salad and snack on fresh cut up veggies all day. Weight Watchers introduced a new plan that takes into account good calories versus bad and makes most fruit 0 points which means I can eat fruit salad all day mixed in with veggies and feel totally full and satisfied without straying. Yum!

BitchCakes

I don't really know if it's possible to love another blogger you've never met, but this comes close. BitchCakes started her blog when she weighed 200 pounds and still looked amazing. She now weighs 134 and works out more than any person I have ever met. Recently she climbed the stairs of the Empire State building. The words she writes to encourage, inspire, and motivate herself are priceless to anybody working towards any goal. Instead of beating herself up, she gives herself the okay - even for months at a time, and knows she can start back up at any place she desires.

I've been meaning to post her blog for several weeks now, but GFF's recent post finally pushed me to do it. We ALL have different ways of doing things, my bf KT absolutely loves to work out and she wouldn't give that up for the world. She loves the way it makes her feel. I am the opposite. I despise working out, unless it's with a friend, and would gladly eat the healthiest I can in order to avoid the workout room as much as possible though I definitely still need working out for definition and cardio for my tummy! In addition, I love the way eating healthy makes me feel. But it's okay that she's different from me. I have another girlfriend who goes up and down from being exactly my size, is the same height, and has always weighed 20 pounds more than me. The reason she goes up in size? She's been working out even more than she usually does and her legs get bigger - she's a workout fiend, too. I have other friends who control their portions, never look at the scale, and that's how they maintain their size. It takes all kinds of different people to make up this world, as my bf KT would say, and that is absolutely okay.

It's Time Cont'd...

The rest of Monday thru Tuesday... hers in italics:

ate belgian waffle, jam 6 pts

coffee 4 pts

smoothie 3 pts.

sorry for not being there for you :(

no worries, lol. I'm staying on.

lots of zero point veggies

edamame - 3 pts

rosemary & fig chicken with steamed green beans - 7 pts

three glasses of wine - 6 pts

So 22 pts total but I was 105 again today! whoo! thinking i'm trying to work through my plateau again

omg

asian ckn wrap from togos 12+ pts. so not even healthy!!!! but it looked healthy!

3 see's candies...? pts.

don't even wanna know.

i'm gonna 'just dance 2' on the wii and do my abs.

going to juice oranges/ carrots and that's all i'm eating the rest of the day.

hot tea with honey - 1 pt

bananas with honey - 3 pts

glass of wine - 2 pts

three rochers - 5.5 pts
two reese's peanut butter cups - 4 pts

taco bell 7 layer burrito - 10 pts

chipotle chicken soft taco - 18 pts FUDGE

chips & guac - at least another 8 pts

I don't even want to add it up... darn it, I'm eating like I'm working out again, but I didn't work out today!!

Just to keep myself accountable, that's 41.5 points - TWO DAYS worth of food. Crazy.

{So. Tuesday we had a marital meltdown and I have not been tracking - a Weight Watchers word for keeping track of your food, I love it because it keeps me so accountable - since then. I've allowed myself to concentrate on things like drinking more water, taking vitamins, and eating more carbs - things I'd neglected since I've been focusing on tracking, and things that are equally important for me to remember, especially for my mood. I still have not gotten my period in three weeks and it is concerning me, so hopefully drinking more water and taking my vitamins again regularly will set me straight. I've still been weighing in, but just at nights, and fortunately I've been at 106 so that has been encouraging. I may or may not start tracking again soon, it will probably depend on if my weight goes up again and/or when the marital ugliness has been fully remedied - well on it's way now, though, thank goodness.}

Where did my ten years go?

I just realized that while other young people who have not been married and had kids for the last ten years have been going to school, cultivating their tastes, styles in homes, clothes, and travelling, I have been raising a kid. Two, actually. So going to school, cultivating tastes, have gone to naught. I have cultivated a little taste in clothes, but the house stuff has gone straight to the kids. Literally. The money and thought for house things goes to the kids. Not that I'm complaining. It's just a realization I had, and one that helps me be more okay with not being further along with design skills. Now that they are more grown (albeit they have become young adults and we're about to hit middle school here - yikes!) I have a little time to think of it.