Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Super unhappy with life right now
I scheduled our trip over Justinbustin's youth group summer camp like an idiot. I realized I had scheduled it over my Katy Perry concert and kind of didn't care, but I should've taken that as a sign to check the freakin' schedule and see what other time would work well. I am so disappointed with myself, especially since Justinbustin earned half the money to go to camp and paid it on time, as he did with boy scout camp. Such a grown up man. I feel like a total failure as a Mom right now, and as a Mom who is trying to raise him up to be a man full of character and morals, by having him miss an opportunity to grow in his relationships with others and God when missing it could have totally been avoided. I am so disappointed in myself. We would change the trip, except Brando wouldn't be able to take off vacation later this month as one of his employees is going on vacation.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Want to write it down before it completely overtakes me
Wow, my perspective changes when I have both home.
I instantly go to completely involving my life around Justinbustin's and Shawners gets left in the dust.
It was almost like having Shawners be the oldest one this week where I got him involved in gymnastics, diving class, behind the scenes zoo, figured out volunteer opportunities for the zoo, and gem stone mining in ONE WEEK where I haven't been able to do that in TWO YEARS for him.
Why am I so obsessed with bringing Justinbustin up right and leaving Shawners behind on his passions?
Totally introspective and maybe too TMI for anybody but me to read, but is it because I have more faith in Shawners type of personality that he will do what he wants just like his Dad, and that I'm concerned about Justinbustin's personality because what if he IS like his bio father?
The funny thing is, i have nothing to worry about with either of them, Shawner's bio goes for exactly what he wants and Justin's bio goes for exactly what he wants - they are just different things.
Maybe that is what I think about with Justinbustin, that I want to make sure he has character and morals, unlike his bio, which is completely a choice and Justinbustin does make that choice over and over making the incredible man he is.
When I decided to keep Justinbustin instead of give him up for adoption I completely gave him to God and told God I couldn't do it alone. I told my parents I couldn't do it alone. And I prayed that God would give him a father before he was old enough to remember if he was to have a father that was involved. And God did. So Justinbustin's is God's.
This is my prayer. Please, Lord, help me to give Justinbsutin to you daily and support Shawners passions and gifts you have given me equally. Please help me to not be defensive and protective of Justinbustin in his relationship with his Dad. Please help me to support and encourage their relationship exactly how it should be. Please help me to remember to ask Justinbustin what he thinks of their relationship so i can support his view, and to ask the same of Brando so I can support his view, and not my own view of what I think their relationship should be. Please help me to do this with Shawners and his relationship with his Dad as well as he growing up and getting to that point. Please help me continue supporting Shawners passions and gifts You have given him as I have done this week and at the same time keep supporting Justinbustins passions and gifts but with supporting Shawners as well, as well as to support Justinbustin in the adult he is becoming, and Shawners in the adult he is becoming. Please help both Brando and I to treat Justinbustin as an adult, and Shawners as well as he approaches that age, as how we treat him now is how he sees as an acceptable way to treat others. In that regard, I pray that you would give him and Shawners both the wisdom to see that it is not the only way to treat others, and I thank you for the many amazing adults in Justinbustin's life that show him alternatives to treating others. I pray the same opportunities for Shawners with people who love him and support him and show him the way we live is not the only way, and that there are many ways to love You and live Your ways other than what we choose to do. I pray that Brando and I can stop fighting like cats and dogs over petty stuff. Justinbustin's little whistle when we start nitpicking at each other breaks my heart. It's not detrimental to our relationship, but it's so stupid and just plain unnecessary. Please give us the wisdom and maturity to rise above and see the other person's need rather than the annoyance, and rise to meet the need by serving the other person. Thank you for my precious boys, and thank you for bringing Justinbsutin safely back to us from camp and his road trip and the amazing time he had, as well as the amazing time Shawners and I had here at Camp Mommy :) . As I end my prayers with the boys each night, You truly are an awesome, amazing God and we love you. Amen.
I instantly go to completely involving my life around Justinbustin's and Shawners gets left in the dust.
It was almost like having Shawners be the oldest one this week where I got him involved in gymnastics, diving class, behind the scenes zoo, figured out volunteer opportunities for the zoo, and gem stone mining in ONE WEEK where I haven't been able to do that in TWO YEARS for him.
Why am I so obsessed with bringing Justinbustin up right and leaving Shawners behind on his passions?
Totally introspective and maybe too TMI for anybody but me to read, but is it because I have more faith in Shawners type of personality that he will do what he wants just like his Dad, and that I'm concerned about Justinbustin's personality because what if he IS like his bio father?
The funny thing is, i have nothing to worry about with either of them, Shawner's bio goes for exactly what he wants and Justin's bio goes for exactly what he wants - they are just different things.
Maybe that is what I think about with Justinbustin, that I want to make sure he has character and morals, unlike his bio, which is completely a choice and Justinbustin does make that choice over and over making the incredible man he is.
When I decided to keep Justinbustin instead of give him up for adoption I completely gave him to God and told God I couldn't do it alone. I told my parents I couldn't do it alone. And I prayed that God would give him a father before he was old enough to remember if he was to have a father that was involved. And God did. So Justinbustin's is God's.
This is my prayer. Please, Lord, help me to give Justinbsutin to you daily and support Shawners passions and gifts you have given me equally. Please help me to not be defensive and protective of Justinbustin in his relationship with his Dad. Please help me to support and encourage their relationship exactly how it should be. Please help me to remember to ask Justinbustin what he thinks of their relationship so i can support his view, and to ask the same of Brando so I can support his view, and not my own view of what I think their relationship should be. Please help me to do this with Shawners and his relationship with his Dad as well as he growing up and getting to that point. Please help me continue supporting Shawners passions and gifts You have given him as I have done this week and at the same time keep supporting Justinbustins passions and gifts but with supporting Shawners as well, as well as to support Justinbustin in the adult he is becoming, and Shawners in the adult he is becoming. Please help both Brando and I to treat Justinbustin as an adult, and Shawners as well as he approaches that age, as how we treat him now is how he sees as an acceptable way to treat others. In that regard, I pray that you would give him and Shawners both the wisdom to see that it is not the only way to treat others, and I thank you for the many amazing adults in Justinbustin's life that show him alternatives to treating others. I pray the same opportunities for Shawners with people who love him and support him and show him the way we live is not the only way, and that there are many ways to love You and live Your ways other than what we choose to do. I pray that Brando and I can stop fighting like cats and dogs over petty stuff. Justinbustin's little whistle when we start nitpicking at each other breaks my heart. It's not detrimental to our relationship, but it's so stupid and just plain unnecessary. Please give us the wisdom and maturity to rise above and see the other person's need rather than the annoyance, and rise to meet the need by serving the other person. Thank you for my precious boys, and thank you for bringing Justinbsutin safely back to us from camp and his road trip and the amazing time he had, as well as the amazing time Shawners and I had here at Camp Mommy :) . As I end my prayers with the boys each night, You truly are an awesome, amazing God and we love you. Amen.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Can't sleep. Excited about tomorrow (today) and nervous about next week!
Also, my back is hurting as I haven't been diligent in wearing my tennis shoes with the inserts (because it's felt SO good so I haven't felt the need) and my whole skin is burning like a nerve issue or something. This is TMI but during fun time the other day my entire area and legs were burning so bad, and that's what my arms and legs feel like right now. So strange! Need to get back on board taking my vitamins. B12 deficiency maybe?
Also, my back is hurting as I haven't been diligent in wearing my tennis shoes with the inserts (because it's felt SO good so I haven't felt the need) and my whole skin is burning like a nerve issue or something. This is TMI but during fun time the other day my entire area and legs were burning so bad, and that's what my arms and legs feel like right now. So strange! Need to get back on board taking my vitamins. B12 deficiency maybe?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
My Birthday Loot
Is it silly that I'm 30 and still get excited about birthday loot? No matter. I'm always be excited about birthday loot. The part that gets me the most is people who know me like the back of their hand, and sometimes know me even better than I do. This year's cache is:
*Loads of underwear from VS and Aeropostale from Brando
*A shopping spree at Macy's from Brando
*A beautiful dress from Target and a wide belt to go with it from M and Li
*Self-tanner from M (an inside gift :)
This year's birthdays events are the same kind of thing - the part that gets me most is the people who want to spend time with me:
*A shopping spree from Brando
*Birthday coffee with my sister, W
*Birthday lunch and cupcakes with Brando
*Happy hour turned into night with M and Li
*Birthday dinner at NXNW with Brando and the boys
*Kayaking Town Lake and lunch with Brando
*Dinner at BJ's Brewery with Brando
*Dinner at a new place with Shawners and Brando, then photos at a new place as well
*Pool time with Shawners
In other words, a perfect, perfect 30th birthday.
Here's to the 30s!!
My wishes for this decade:
*Start a business with Brando, have it be running well in 5 years, and have it be providing well for for the next five (and into the 40s)
*Raise my boys to be well-rounded men full of character, able to contribute back to God's work by using the gifts God has given them
*Support Brando in every way possible and learn to have a less sharp tongue
*Let go of my bitterness against siblings who get more from my parents and do less aka the prodigal son and maybe take a lesson from them and let loose a little more (that deserves a post of it's own - been thinking a lot about that lately)
*Have my own thing besides starting the business with Brando - I would love to have it be doing flowers and donating my services to missionaries, or those who serve God
*Loads of underwear from VS and Aeropostale from Brando
*A shopping spree at Macy's from Brando
*A beautiful dress from Target and a wide belt to go with it from M and Li
*Self-tanner from M (an inside gift :)
This year's birthdays events are the same kind of thing - the part that gets me most is the people who want to spend time with me:
*A shopping spree from Brando
*Birthday coffee with my sister, W
*Birthday lunch and cupcakes with Brando
*Happy hour turned into night with M and Li
*Birthday dinner at NXNW with Brando and the boys
*Kayaking Town Lake and lunch with Brando
*Dinner at BJ's Brewery with Brando
*Dinner at a new place with Shawners and Brando, then photos at a new place as well
*Pool time with Shawners
In other words, a perfect, perfect 30th birthday.
Here's to the 30s!!
My wishes for this decade:
*Start a business with Brando, have it be running well in 5 years, and have it be providing well for for the next five (and into the 40s)
*Raise my boys to be well-rounded men full of character, able to contribute back to God's work by using the gifts God has given them
*Support Brando in every way possible and learn to have a less sharp tongue
*Let go of my bitterness against siblings who get more from my parents and do less aka the prodigal son and maybe take a lesson from them and let loose a little more (that deserves a post of it's own - been thinking a lot about that lately)
*Have my own thing besides starting the business with Brando - I would love to have it be doing flowers and donating my services to missionaries, or those who serve God
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Shopping Spree
Brando took me on a shopping spree for my birthday today - whee!! ...and to make up for telling me Friday night that he a place he wanted to take me to... to my car.
Wanted to find pictures of the items, but I could only find similar items... the ones I got are much cuter:
Wanted to find pictures of the items, but I could only find similar items... the ones I got are much cuter:
Mine ties at the bottom, doesn't have the white at the top, and has a much softer and cuter floral pattern.
Mine is an olive green and super cute.
Exactly what I got, but it looks oh so much better in person. The perfect white dress to take to Greece if I were ever to go. For now, I can just pretend :) .
Mine is a deep red, and looks so much better in that color. It's gorgeous.
I also got some adorable jean cut offs with the pink striped pockets hanging down below the cut-off (finally fell for that trend - just one pair so far, though), and am getting another pair of shorts in the mail that I am crossing fingers will fit!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Things I'm Contemplating Lately
*Having another baby
*Homeschooling Shawners this coming year (he wants to, and I'd love for him to see there's another world out there other than public school)
*Gearing Shawners towards his interests and passions
*Continuing to gear Justinbustin towards his interests and passions without burning out. I keep remembering that verse in the Bible, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
*My new niece and the relationship between her mom and dad, and as an extension, between us and her and use and her mom
*Living in California. It beats in my heart.
*Living in Texas. It holds my soul.
*Figuring out how to get back on schedule!! These 3am nights don't fit into my schedule!!
*Homeschooling Shawners this coming year (he wants to, and I'd love for him to see there's another world out there other than public school)
*Gearing Shawners towards his interests and passions
*Continuing to gear Justinbustin towards his interests and passions without burning out. I keep remembering that verse in the Bible, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
*My new niece and the relationship between her mom and dad, and as an extension, between us and her and use and her mom
*Living in California. It beats in my heart.
*Living in Texas. It holds my soul.
*Figuring out how to get back on schedule!! These 3am nights don't fit into my schedule!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
No Title Today
Back from my trip. Exhausted and finally caught up on sleep. So glad Brando pushed me out of the car to go and his Mom reminded me how much I freak out before trips and told me I would be so grateful for the memories. She was so right. I am.
Back into girl time and went to Blues on the Green with the girls last night. Worked out perfect as Brando was exhausted from picking me up from my delayed flight at 3am, and passed out as soon as he got home from work.
It's a little funny because I did get home at 3am on Wednesday and we've barely had time togehter - again tonight he was tired and exhausted. We did catch some TV shows, but our shows we watch are off right now - he's like True Blood (ew) and Games of Thrones (another ew), and I'm watching trash tv like the Bachelorette (SO glad she said f*k you, Bentley, I'm done with you - now it's actually somewhat interesting again) and Audrina (TOTAL trash tv, but still a guilty pleasure).
Feeling off with my boys. Feel like I'm nothing but on the computer lately, yet it's so HOT outside that there's not much to do. Did take Justinbustin ice skating yesterday with his youth group. Need to get out there and do some activities WITH them - ice skating, hiking, playing in the pool, Main Event maybe? I also need to get them together with some friends for the summer. Need to get back on the ball. Feels like I've dropped some since I've been gone. Sigh, such is the case with vacation!! Love that I got to see my Grandma, though. Love, LOve, LOVE that I got to see my Grandma. Need to remind myself of this next time I go on vacation - I will be grateful for the memories, and the boys WILL have a fantastic time without me (of course they did this time), and things will take a few days to get back to normal, but they will.
xo
Back into girl time and went to Blues on the Green with the girls last night. Worked out perfect as Brando was exhausted from picking me up from my delayed flight at 3am, and passed out as soon as he got home from work.
It's a little funny because I did get home at 3am on Wednesday and we've barely had time togehter - again tonight he was tired and exhausted. We did catch some TV shows, but our shows we watch are off right now - he's like True Blood (ew) and Games of Thrones (another ew), and I'm watching trash tv like the Bachelorette (SO glad she said f*k you, Bentley, I'm done with you - now it's actually somewhat interesting again) and Audrina (TOTAL trash tv, but still a guilty pleasure).
Feeling off with my boys. Feel like I'm nothing but on the computer lately, yet it's so HOT outside that there's not much to do. Did take Justinbustin ice skating yesterday with his youth group. Need to get out there and do some activities WITH them - ice skating, hiking, playing in the pool, Main Event maybe? I also need to get them together with some friends for the summer. Need to get back on the ball. Feels like I've dropped some since I've been gone. Sigh, such is the case with vacation!! Love that I got to see my Grandma, though. Love, LOve, LOVE that I got to see my Grandma. Need to remind myself of this next time I go on vacation - I will be grateful for the memories, and the boys WILL have a fantastic time without me (of course they did this time), and things will take a few days to get back to normal, but they will.
xo
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