Sunday, August 11, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Learning to stay positive
Despite the 'changes' my sister and I talked about with our relationship, she still unloads all the negative about our family I never get to see so once again I'm left hearing only negative about our family and not being able to have my own perspective because I wasn't there. Granted I wasn't strong enough to tell her STOP TALKING I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR NEGATIVE PERSPECTIVE ON OUR FAMILY, so here I am again feeling yukky and disillusioned. Now to figure how to go about after the fact telling her I don't want to hear anymore. Tell me something GOOD not everything that you think is messed up or wrong about our family.
Just texted her - she responded 'Sorry...' - works for me - yay! :
"Okay I don't want to hear any more negative about our family. Sorry I didn't catch the conversation in time to stop you. Got off the phone and cant shake this yukky feeling and realized I forgot to say I only want to hear the good! Think of the good stories and tell me the good!! I'm sure that was a lot of work for Abe regardless of how many showed up. Plus Aunt Jan has valuable life history to share - maybe she shared some? And Aunt Katy loves spending time with people. Plus you were on the gorgeous coastline with your hubby who was able to take the days off work. Lots of good things going on there!! I'm sure there were uncomfortable situations but that's life so unless you're looking for a way you can change the situation to make the situation better next time I only want to hear the good so I actually look forward to seeing family the rare times I do get to see them. You're so fortunate you're close enough and actually do the work to take advantage of opportunities to see them! That in itself is a good story. Wanted to text so I didn't forget."
Just realized I didn't need to blog any of this since I dealt with the situation head on. Funny how negative aspects can drag you down into indecisiveness and not confronting the situation. Glad I've had this almost six month break from constantly hearing negativity to gain some perspective on how enjoyable life is without that negativity. Also I'm glad I heard a friend say just recently that she feels like venting in the moment is emotional abuse. It's one thing to take a step back, try and figure out a situation, and go to trusted friends for advice, it's another to completely to dump all your emotions on someone in the moment so you can feel bette while you've transferred all your negative energy elsewhere, hence the emotional abuse, and at the same time done nothing to better your situation. Since I've stopped venting in the moment, I have been able to confront difficulties head on so much quicker and reasonably than when I felt like I had to stew and vent before I dealt with the situation and did what needed to be done. Granted there are still situations in my life I am choosing to stew and vent over and have chosen to do so instead of deal with the situation head on. Those are the only areas of my life where I feel like I haven't done the right thing and where I still have that yukky feeling almost like a weight I'm lugging around.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Jobs biography part 3
"Nature loves simplicity and unity." So did Steve Jobs.
Legacy, pg 561
"Someone whose insights come out of the blue and require intuition more than mere mental processing power. Like a pathfinder, he could absorb information, sniff the winds, and sense what lay ahead."
Legacy, pg 566
"Some people say, "Give the customers what they want." But that's not my approach. Our job is to figure out what they're going to want before they do. I think Henry Ford once said, "If I'd asked customers what they wanted, they would have told me, 'A faster horse!'" People don't know what they want until you show it to them. That's why I never rely on market research. Our task is to read things that are not yet on the page."
Legacy, pg 567
"The reason that Apple resonates with people is there's a deep current of humanity in our innovation."
Legacy, pg 567
"I think great artists and great engineers are similar, in that they both have a desire to express themselves. In fact some of the best people working on the original Mac were poets and musicians on the side... Great artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo were also great at science."
Legacy, pgs 567-568
Legacy, pg 570
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Falling down around me
Just wrote a huge post and my phone died. Ugh. Here goes retyping.
My sisters dealing with long term affects from an accident back in December. So much so my Mom's coming out to take care of her. Which has me worried, my moms no spring chicken. The awesome lacrosse coach Justin worked with just got cancer. Brando's brother isn't talking to me and removed me from his Facebook. Brando's mom suggested I get on anti-depressants (in defense of her son, but the wrong son).
At least my sister and I made up when I finally called to talk. We agreed things would be different, like I wouldn't put up with her negativity about her family. Except when I told her about my mom coming out, she was pissed off my mom couldn't babysit her kids, no concern for my mom, no concern for my sister.
Not to mention I'm dealing with feeling like an empty nester already. Justinbustin's fourteen and been gone the first week and a half of summer already. Shawners been gone from 9-12 at vbs or volunteering.
I'm already the old lady going back to school. And really I have no desire to after having kids. Everything else pales in comparison. Not arguing people do good with their educations and educate others (dr r in the house), or work on their career before they have kids.
I have zero motivation to work, go to school, clean house, cook, anything but volunteer for the boys school, eat at fun places, sleep with Brandon, work on photos, and support opportunities for the boys.
I feel like when babies are around, there's always a reason to smile. Brando's a hard sell these days, Justin doesn't want to babysit, and Shawners wants a little brother or sister. Babies are what I do, plus I want my kiddos to have lots of siblings.
Feel like a total loser right now.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Transition time
Schools about to let out for summer. A huge transition time for me. And a major trigger for depression and anxiety for me. Oh boy.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
More on exercise
Not sure how technical a 'skinny fat body' is... But definitely want to do more research on this. Justin does weights and running every morning at school, which I'm not necessarily on board with. I met a Mom in the waiting room for Shawner's arm that had her 13 year old in there for the same reason but also had brought him in prior because his muscles were so tense from sports and working out they weren't growing with his bones when he got his growth spurt. She mentioned the doctors see a LOT of this these days with all the sports and working out the kids are doing.
Interesting
Exercise addiction... Wonder what the dopamine level is on exercise. If you didn't read my dopamine post on PSD, this is one of the reasons this interests me.
Yearbook ugh
WHY am I still having dreams/semi-nightmares about the yearbook?! Seriously!! I can still put photos that didn't make it into the slideshow. Besides I didn't leave a restricted kid in and THAT'S the big deal, not leaving a kid out. The principal, PTA president, every single grade, and each club chair signed off on it when I ran it by them. Why can't I let it go?!?!?!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Jobs biography continued
Couldn't use my phone to take note as I read today as I was volunteering as a state test monitor at Justinbustin's school, so tried to remember what I wanted to go back and find to write down:
*if you have to have a slide presentation, you don't know your information well enough
*three clicks is all you should have to do to get to the information you want
*white is sophisticated and quiet, bold and dominating
*if you aren't doing what you do for people like your family then you won't low what you're doing
*don't be afraid of cannibalizing yourself - if you don't someone else will
*darn I wish I could remember the last one but don't!!
Reading continued later:
Bono, in regards to collaborating with Jobs on a limited iPod, and comparing Steve to a lead singer in a band, "These men have helped design the most beautiful art object in music culture since the electric guitar. The job of art is to chase ugliness away." p. 423
Jobs, on Yo-Yo Ma playing Bach on the cello in Jobs' living room, "You playing is the best argument I've ever heard for the existence of God, because I don't really believe a human alone can do this" p. 425
*if you have to have a slide presentation, you don't know your information well enough
*three clicks is all you should have to do to get to the information you want
*white is sophisticated and quiet, bold and dominating
*if you aren't doing what you do for people like your family then you won't low what you're doing
*don't be afraid of cannibalizing yourself - if you don't someone else will
*darn I wish I could remember the last one but don't!!
Reading continued later:
Bono, in regards to collaborating with Jobs on a limited iPod, and comparing Steve to a lead singer in a band, "These men have helped design the most beautiful art object in music culture since the electric guitar. The job of art is to chase ugliness away." p. 423
Jobs, on Yo-Yo Ma playing Bach on the cello in Jobs' living room, "You playing is the best argument I've ever heard for the existence of God, because I don't really believe a human alone can do this" p. 425
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Milestone.
Shawners has a girlfriend. If, by girlfriend, you mean a girl he has already asked to next year's middle school dance, and asked her to sit next to him on the bus.
As usual, parenting my boy's causes me to take a long hard look at how I support and react to friends and their issues. In this case, especially single friends. I've been thinking on how I support friends in their relationships for awhile any. Mostly because it seems when I stop getting involved or giving advice that's when they find their 'one', get married, and live happily ever after (okay, we all know happily ever after is work, but work well worth the effort). Reason not meaning causation, as the causation could solely be the fact friends step away when they do find the one, not finding the need to be involved because their 'one' is fulfilling a lot of that. Either way, I do realize that when friends are in relationships I put a LOT of focus on their relationships, mostly invited and more often than not requested focus. However, I am realizing that, alone, can be so destructive to their relationship, invited or not. No relationship should be the focus of ANYone's life, much less the focus of their friends for them.
I was reading through Shawners texts with the girl he likes yesterday - all seventy-two text pages of:
Him: Hi
Her: Hi
Him: What are you doing?
Her: Reading. What are you doing?
Him: Taking the dogs potty.
Her: Cool.
Him: You say cool a lot. Is it because you don't know what else to say?
Her: I don't know. I guess so.
Him: K. Gtg
Her: Ok talk to you later
in between him asking her offhandedly about going to the dance next year and her saying yes, devising a plan for the two of them to sit together on the bus for their field trip today, and mentioning another guy is mad at him because the other guy likes her, too.
I realized all of his texts, and hers, were very respectful. I decided to focus on that, instead of being mad that he was hiding texting her from me - and Face Timing - the new phone these days. Had I not scoured Justinbustin's iTouch the other day and discovered at least twenty different social media apps I had NO IDEA about that various friends of his had posted videos from class doing school projects, etc., on, I may have freaked out a bit more. I feel like I'm calming down a bit about social media and realizing this is the new format for kids. They're still kids, and you still have to teach them character regardless, and this is just the new way they express themselves. It's still passing notes, staying on the phone til' 3am in the morning, and taking silly pictures. Just online. Weird, but today's day and age. And, who am I kidding? I've met some of the most amazing people and some of my closest friends through the internet, along with maintaining so many relationships that would have otherwise fallen completely by the wayside.
As I started reading his texts, and after begging for his iTouch back and realizing I wasn't going to give it back, he went outside to play, I'm sure wholly embarrassed. When I was done reading, I went outside to water my plants. He calls me from his Go Phone and says, "Mom, when and if I come home, are you mad at me?" I say no. When he does come home, I tell him, "Shawners, I want to talk to you. You were very respectful, and I agree talking to your Dad is a wise idea if you have any questions. That's all I have to say." I mentioned the part about talking to Dad because he had texted her, I'm thinking I'll tell my Dad.
Yesterday evening, I prayed his focus in any relationship would be on God, and not on the relationship itself. He turned away from me, and I asked if he was upset with me. He says, "No. Did you read ALL the texts?" I replied, "Yes. You know me, I'm a crazy reader." Pretty sure, he was thinking about the dance at that moment, but I didn't ask.
Ironically, I was text updating Brando the entire time I was reading through his texts. After I'd told Shawners he was respectful and that's all I have to say, Brando's text advice was to tell him he sounds respectful. Love when he and I fall on the same page.
I'm actually kind of relieved. He's been talking a lot about being small, and I wanted to make sure being small didn't hinder his confidence. His Dad is on the shorter side but doesn't let being so affect him at all. I am relieved to know Shawners is following the same path.
Lord, lead me on this because I'm leaning on you!!
I'll post some of Shawners texts in another post from my phone. They are too cute not to preserve, although they may not stay up forever.
As usual, parenting my boy's causes me to take a long hard look at how I support and react to friends and their issues. In this case, especially single friends. I've been thinking on how I support friends in their relationships for awhile any. Mostly because it seems when I stop getting involved or giving advice that's when they find their 'one', get married, and live happily ever after (okay, we all know happily ever after is work, but work well worth the effort). Reason not meaning causation, as the causation could solely be the fact friends step away when they do find the one, not finding the need to be involved because their 'one' is fulfilling a lot of that. Either way, I do realize that when friends are in relationships I put a LOT of focus on their relationships, mostly invited and more often than not requested focus. However, I am realizing that, alone, can be so destructive to their relationship, invited or not. No relationship should be the focus of ANYone's life, much less the focus of their friends for them.
I was reading through Shawners texts with the girl he likes yesterday - all seventy-two text pages of:
Him: Hi
Her: Hi
Him: What are you doing?
Her: Reading. What are you doing?
Him: Taking the dogs potty.
Her: Cool.
Him: You say cool a lot. Is it because you don't know what else to say?
Her: I don't know. I guess so.
Him: K. Gtg
Her: Ok talk to you later
in between him asking her offhandedly about going to the dance next year and her saying yes, devising a plan for the two of them to sit together on the bus for their field trip today, and mentioning another guy is mad at him because the other guy likes her, too.
I realized all of his texts, and hers, were very respectful. I decided to focus on that, instead of being mad that he was hiding texting her from me - and Face Timing - the new phone these days. Had I not scoured Justinbustin's iTouch the other day and discovered at least twenty different social media apps I had NO IDEA about that various friends of his had posted videos from class doing school projects, etc., on, I may have freaked out a bit more. I feel like I'm calming down a bit about social media and realizing this is the new format for kids. They're still kids, and you still have to teach them character regardless, and this is just the new way they express themselves. It's still passing notes, staying on the phone til' 3am in the morning, and taking silly pictures. Just online. Weird, but today's day and age. And, who am I kidding? I've met some of the most amazing people and some of my closest friends through the internet, along with maintaining so many relationships that would have otherwise fallen completely by the wayside.
As I started reading his texts, and after begging for his iTouch back and realizing I wasn't going to give it back, he went outside to play, I'm sure wholly embarrassed. When I was done reading, I went outside to water my plants. He calls me from his Go Phone and says, "Mom, when and if I come home, are you mad at me?" I say no. When he does come home, I tell him, "Shawners, I want to talk to you. You were very respectful, and I agree talking to your Dad is a wise idea if you have any questions. That's all I have to say." I mentioned the part about talking to Dad because he had texted her, I'm thinking I'll tell my Dad.
Yesterday evening, I prayed his focus in any relationship would be on God, and not on the relationship itself. He turned away from me, and I asked if he was upset with me. He says, "No. Did you read ALL the texts?" I replied, "Yes. You know me, I'm a crazy reader." Pretty sure, he was thinking about the dance at that moment, but I didn't ask.
Ironically, I was text updating Brando the entire time I was reading through his texts. After I'd told Shawners he was respectful and that's all I have to say, Brando's text advice was to tell him he sounds respectful. Love when he and I fall on the same page.
I'm actually kind of relieved. He's been talking a lot about being small, and I wanted to make sure being small didn't hinder his confidence. His Dad is on the shorter side but doesn't let being so affect him at all. I am relieved to know Shawners is following the same path.
Lord, lead me on this because I'm leaning on you!!
I'll post some of Shawners texts in another post from my phone. They are too cute not to preserve, although they may not stay up forever.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Wow what a week
Pretty sure I have 100% decided I am A-ok spending every single one of our spring breaks in Cali. This was way too crazy of a week for me. Looking forward to some chill time this weekend. SXSW, you will have to be happy with interactive and film, music will have to wait til next year.
So grateful to have my son with me tonight. What a crazy, scary experience this afternoon that could've ended up a LOT worse. Grateful to have my son back, a little bruised, with glass in his hair, an hurting in different places that keep moving all over, but here. Conscious, clean CAT scan, and his happy, go-lucky self who requested I use the lice comb to remove the shards of glass from his hair, and along with it pulled out the burnt ends of his hair. Who knew a lice comb was multi-purpose? Praying both he and my sister recover quickly. My sister was in a lot more pain, and the doctors told her she would continue to be in more pain the next few days. Justinbustin likely, too, but not as bad.
So grateful to have my son with me tonight. What a crazy, scary experience this afternoon that could've ended up a LOT worse. Grateful to have my son back, a little bruised, with glass in his hair, an hurting in different places that keep moving all over, but here. Conscious, clean CAT scan, and his happy, go-lucky self who requested I use the lice comb to remove the shards of glass from his hair, and along with it pulled out the burnt ends of his hair. Who knew a lice comb was multi-purpose? Praying both he and my sister recover quickly. My sister was in a lot more pain, and the doctors told her she would continue to be in more pain the next few days. Justinbustin likely, too, but not as bad.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Spring break
Quite an eventful week so far. Kicked off with a Thursday night SXSW party, continued with three SXSW interactives on Saturday, Costco shopping Sunday, helping someone move Monday, hiking Enchanted Rock and my sisters birthday Tuesday, and taking the kids BMXing today. Oh, yeah, and two of those nights Justin spent elsewhere, the other three he had a friend at our house for the nights.. I'm exhausted! I remember the days I used to list every tiny accomplishment because it felt like SO MUCH when I had little ones around to care for 24/7. Now I do a hundred times that in one day because my littles care for themselves in one day, but still it doesn't feel like much. Nothing feels as purposeful as when I'm doing something for my kiddos, which used to be all the time. Now it's in different ways and still 24/7 but not directly.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Facebook blogging
Ha! I found a way to "blog" my facebook posts... or at least make them visible to blogger friends and other extremely close friends. Since I made the photo list for my Hawaii photos to be visible to, now I just choose that list when I do a post I'd otherwise make "Only Me". So excited!
I Caved.
I'm sick of people comparing their behind the scenes to my highlight reel. Especially when I record them so well and in such detail. My Hawaii photos? I caved to people's insecurities and have made them my own. They're only visible to those reading this (let me know if they're not, and I'll change that), and a few close friends who've requested to see the photos. I use fb for scrapbooking purposes so I really don't care for everyone to see my photos any way. Maybe I should post pictures of the dirty laundry piles like Alyssa, or in my case the pile of clean laundry all over our bed waiting to be folded that ends up getting shoved off back into clean laundry baskets at the end of the night so we can go to bed, along with the corners of things to be decluttered... I had a blog for that once. :) As Alyssa puts it so well, though, and I've said before, who wants to remember the negative? Not I. Therefore, I only take photos in happy moments, and I only post happy moments - the things I *want* to remember.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Adrenaline pumping through my veins
Took a photo of the fifth graders at Shawner's school this morning in a 2020 formation for Class of 2020 for the yearbook today. Brando was up on the roof of the school to take the photo using a donated ladder from Home Depot and the vice principal taking the ladder away once he got up there from the other side of the school so nobody else got any ideas, two other moms and I laid out paper towels duct taped to the ground for the kids to stand on to get in place, then the kids picked up when they were in place for their photo. I had one mom there coaching the kids to go class by class to their number, then on what to do from there from what I relayed to her from what Brando relayed to me on the phone while he's observing up on the roof. Felt like organizing a Macy's Day parade!!! Crazy, but oh so fun, and now adrenaline is rushing through my body making my body shake and feel on edge. Whew!! Can't believe we pulled it off. Now can't wait to see what Brando does with final photos. Saw the initial ones and LOVE them, but can't wait to see his edits that make them even a hundred times better.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Deadline Month
Anybody else not get hungry at. all. and think food tastes like sandpaper when stressed? Having to force myself to eat with this deadline coming up. Things like below make doing this almost worth everything though. What really makes all this worth doing is the whole learning process and the amazing people in our PTA who are amazing wives, mothers, friends, amazing role models, and an inspiration to work with.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Always happens after California
So explains exactly where I'm at right now. I'm thinking Orange County? Hawaii? We've talked about Hawaii since the first time we went together. I'm on board... for a year.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Relief
Thank God for childhood best friends that set the record straight. After an hour of her talking and every single thing she said relating to me, after myself only saying one sentence, and nothing else, "It seems like the more time I spend with family, the more drama there is."
Her points which I LOVE and completely agree with are:
*Nobody should be a punching bag for family for their feelings about other people - the second she said this I realized this is exactly what I am for my sister and what a HUGE relief to not have to be that anymore
*If anybody has to ask me for advice to figure out how to live their life something is wrong - this is exactly what I felt like I was for my sister the one she came to when shit hit the fan and turned her back around
*Take time for myself without friends an hour a week, twenty minutes a day, to just be outside my house, not meeting a friend, not doing anything for anyone, just being with myself. This is such a foreign concept I can't even fathom the thought, but definitely sounds wonderful and something I'd like to do
*Without me saying ANYthing about my sister since she is friends with my sister as well, she brought up that my sister lives through her best friend's single girlfriends eyes, and has told her so, and that she needs to be grateful for the husband and kids she has, and that she's not supportive of somebody who may have that
All this made me feel SO MUCH better and realize my relationship with my sister was actually a huge energy suck. The only time we spoke lately was when she had something to vent about how horrible her husband and kids or someone in our family is - the punching bag thing. And I generally don't vent to her, especially about family issues. Speaking of the punching bag thing, she doesn't ever have nice things to say about Brando so I've always had to overcome her name calling or derogatory comments about him when I used to value her opinion so highly. This is also another HUGE relief to be free from.
Overall, I felt so relieved after talking to my childhood best friend. I realized this could actually be a very good thing and allow me some of my energy back for my family. Brando has already noticed and mentioned about how he likes me better lately. Could be vacation, too, but it only happened after I spoke with Kami, so who knows.
Today I'm having a bad day but I can't say why til tomorrow. Regardless, that's the only reason I'm here today to finally write this down and remind myself so maybe that's a good thing!
Her points which I LOVE and completely agree with are:
*Nobody should be a punching bag for family for their feelings about other people - the second she said this I realized this is exactly what I am for my sister and what a HUGE relief to not have to be that anymore
*If anybody has to ask me for advice to figure out how to live their life something is wrong - this is exactly what I felt like I was for my sister the one she came to when shit hit the fan and turned her back around
*Take time for myself without friends an hour a week, twenty minutes a day, to just be outside my house, not meeting a friend, not doing anything for anyone, just being with myself. This is such a foreign concept I can't even fathom the thought, but definitely sounds wonderful and something I'd like to do
*Without me saying ANYthing about my sister since she is friends with my sister as well, she brought up that my sister lives through her best friend's single girlfriends eyes, and has told her so, and that she needs to be grateful for the husband and kids she has, and that she's not supportive of somebody who may have that
All this made me feel SO MUCH better and realize my relationship with my sister was actually a huge energy suck. The only time we spoke lately was when she had something to vent about how horrible her husband and kids or someone in our family is - the punching bag thing. And I generally don't vent to her, especially about family issues. Speaking of the punching bag thing, she doesn't ever have nice things to say about Brando so I've always had to overcome her name calling or derogatory comments about him when I used to value her opinion so highly. This is also another HUGE relief to be free from.
Overall, I felt so relieved after talking to my childhood best friend. I realized this could actually be a very good thing and allow me some of my energy back for my family. Brando has already noticed and mentioned about how he likes me better lately. Could be vacation, too, but it only happened after I spoke with Kami, so who knows.
Today I'm having a bad day but I can't say why til tomorrow. Regardless, that's the only reason I'm here today to finally write this down and remind myself so maybe that's a good thing!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Drama
So I realize I don't post the happy here - most of the time. I do that on my Facebook "Only Me" feed. Sorry!!!!! I wish there was an option to post to Blogger as well. Posting to "Only Me" is SO easy and I have an instant record of my happy without having the world know.
All that to say, a warning for drama so be forewarned. And if you keep reading please realize I need advice on this one. I'm lost. I don't know what the heck I am doing to cause such volatile reactions in my family.
*Scene 1:
My grandmas - Brando, the kids, my sister, and I have arrived at her home in Arizona for Christmas. A few days later we go to pick up my parent's from the airport excited to see them and spend time with them. My Mom mentions she doesn't have Christmas presents for the boys and suggests going to a big fishing sports store - Bass Pro maybe - for their Christmas presents. Perfect idea as they needed backpacking camping gear! We spend a few hours shopping when my oldest sister starts texting me asking when we'll be back. I let her know what we're up to and she says my Grandma is getting pissed. We finally get back and my Grandma hugs me and says over my shoulder, "You selfish little brat." WTF moment number one.
How I resolved the issue:
I let her know what she said REALLY hurt my feelings. I asked her if she really meant it. She said, no, of course she was joking and didn't mean to hurt me, and that she doesn't get to see her son very often. Talked things out. Situation resolved and moved on when my sisters, cousins, and I visited her in November for our annual girls' trip.
*Scene 2
My niece's birthday - My oldest sister and I fly from Texas to meet our other sister, my niece, and a few of my sister's friends for my niece's birthday weekend in San Francisco. My parents join us and eventually so does my cousin and her son. My cousin takes us on a "block or two" trek through the hills of San Francsico to find lunch when everybody is hungry and wants lunch now. Two blocks into it we can clearly see this is not going to be a "block or two" and everybody gets a little grouchy. Once we've walked twelve blocks or so, my cousin starts asking everyone where they want to eat when she had already mentioned she was heading to one place that had a "great bloody mary" for my other sister's husband. I am walking with my niece and make a comment to her that my cousin does not know how to deal with a large family and needs to talk to my other sister who is brave enough to make a decision for the whole family and risk everyone being pissed off at her. My niece falls back to walk with my other sister and her husband, unnoticed by me, and says she's upset that I'm talking bad about my cousin. WTF moment number two.
How I resolved the issue:
After countless hours of consulting with my other sister, I call my niece and apologize for what I said. I also let her know if she doesn't tell ME she's upset with me I have no way of knowing she's upset and no chance to resolve the issue. Conversation over.
*Scene 3
Fast forward six months - my cousins, sisters, and my other sister's daughter go to Arizona to visit my Grandma for our annual girls' trip. We have a BLAST and Facebook sees everything, and so does my niece. My niece texts me, "I hope you can forgive me so next time I can be included on family events." WTF moment number three.
How I resolved the issue:
Conference call with my sisters and one of our cousins to let my niece know not inviting her had nothing to do with me. I did take responsibility for saying, yes, perhaps my part of the decision to not invite her was partially influenced by not wanting a repeat of the previous scene and apologized for such. Ultimately, though, we decided to keep our girls' cousins' trip as exactly that - a girl cousin's trip. My other sister's daughter was included because she may not have come otherwise. My niece's parent wasn't included because he is our brother. Situation resolved and moved on when my niece and her brother met us for dinner two Saturday's ago while we were in Cali and had a blast laughing and talking with each other. Love her.
*Scene 4
My other sister - we meet my other sister and three of her kids at my favorite place for breakfast. My favorite place also has a gift shop we peruse while Brando and my mother-in-law watch her kids outside climbing trees. I buy my niece and two of my nephews small gifts since I don't buy them birthday gifts. We walk outside and my sister starts talking about her 13 year old's six pack and muscles. She asks and asks and asks him to show them off. Justinbustin uncomfortably stands nearby. I make a crack about how she's embarrassing her son, but she persists. We leave to go pick up my Mom then take our two oldest boys to surf. We pick up my Mom and my other sister's two youngest boys hop in our car next to Shawners, having a blast hanging with their older cousin. My other sister starts to take her oldest and Justinbustin and I call out "don't focus on looks" from the aforementioned scene. She turns around with her lips tight and her face about to explode and says, "I am LIVID right now." She then proceeds to yell at me for ten minutes in front of my kids, her kids, my mom and MIL, and Brando. Brando takes the boys and sits aside, my Mom has her hands over her ears, and I'm pretty sure my MIL sat quietly. I'm not exactly sure what she said, but from the texts and phone calls I made later her mentions included thinking I'm a mean person, I make mean comments to her in front of her kids, she hasn't liked me for ten years, and our relationship is not worth talking anything through. When she's done yelling she pulls her kids out of the car while they're begging and pleading to stay, and takes off saying she's done. This is when we begin to text and she eventually tells me she's at Capitola beach when we are already set up at Cowell's beach with Justinbustin's wetsuit and surfboard. In hindsight I am pissed off I did not pack up and take us all over there and put up with her, if nothing else to see her two other kids I did not get to see previously. This will be one of the only trips I haven't seen them and I am SO mad at myself I was too afraid of her not wanting me there to pick up and go. WTF moment number four.
How I resolved the issue:
Here's where you come in. My other sister is the one I'd usually go to resolve issues like this. Ironic. Here's what I've done so far - texted/called apologies over and over, mentioned over and over family is worth overcoming anything to me and always has been, tried to hear her out finally said I was getting irrational and needed to stop talking, then didn't call her back. I realize she's being irrational from dealing with her own family drama the week before (her six year old told her "just send us to juvi already") evident through the yelling at me in front of her kids and my kids, and through dramatic facebook posts following the event. Nothing direct, only passive comments addressing the situation. You might've seen the "Mom!!! John won't let me have the ball!!!" post on my wall. Finally, today, I texted her a nasty text saying I realized I am the only one who cares about seeing her kids and having my kids hang out with her kids and how pissed I am I didn't pick up and come to Capitola beach and put up with her to see my other niece and nephew, then threw the mean comments back in her face letting her know mean is yelling at someone in front of your and their kids for ten minutes. Mean is not letting her kids see their cousin's who they get to see maybe twice a year. That's where I'm at. Emotionally, I'm okay because truly she's being a bitch. But I am also me which means I want to FIX it and I don't know how the heck how. WHAT do I do to resolve this?!
Also, do you see a pattern here? Is there anything else I do you've noticed on facebook or in person that might piss people off? Piss true friends and family off, not petty acquaintances I hardly know. Please be brutally honest because I am at such a loss as to what is going on that I don't know where to turn or how to fix it.
All that to say, a warning for drama so be forewarned. And if you keep reading please realize I need advice on this one. I'm lost. I don't know what the heck I am doing to cause such volatile reactions in my family.
*Scene 1:
My grandmas - Brando, the kids, my sister, and I have arrived at her home in Arizona for Christmas. A few days later we go to pick up my parent's from the airport excited to see them and spend time with them. My Mom mentions she doesn't have Christmas presents for the boys and suggests going to a big fishing sports store - Bass Pro maybe - for their Christmas presents. Perfect idea as they needed backpacking camping gear! We spend a few hours shopping when my oldest sister starts texting me asking when we'll be back. I let her know what we're up to and she says my Grandma is getting pissed. We finally get back and my Grandma hugs me and says over my shoulder, "You selfish little brat." WTF moment number one.
How I resolved the issue:
I let her know what she said REALLY hurt my feelings. I asked her if she really meant it. She said, no, of course she was joking and didn't mean to hurt me, and that she doesn't get to see her son very often. Talked things out. Situation resolved and moved on when my sisters, cousins, and I visited her in November for our annual girls' trip.
*Scene 2
My niece's birthday - My oldest sister and I fly from Texas to meet our other sister, my niece, and a few of my sister's friends for my niece's birthday weekend in San Francisco. My parents join us and eventually so does my cousin and her son. My cousin takes us on a "block or two" trek through the hills of San Francsico to find lunch when everybody is hungry and wants lunch now. Two blocks into it we can clearly see this is not going to be a "block or two" and everybody gets a little grouchy. Once we've walked twelve blocks or so, my cousin starts asking everyone where they want to eat when she had already mentioned she was heading to one place that had a "great bloody mary" for my other sister's husband. I am walking with my niece and make a comment to her that my cousin does not know how to deal with a large family and needs to talk to my other sister who is brave enough to make a decision for the whole family and risk everyone being pissed off at her. My niece falls back to walk with my other sister and her husband, unnoticed by me, and says she's upset that I'm talking bad about my cousin. WTF moment number two.
How I resolved the issue:
After countless hours of consulting with my other sister, I call my niece and apologize for what I said. I also let her know if she doesn't tell ME she's upset with me I have no way of knowing she's upset and no chance to resolve the issue. Conversation over.
*Scene 3
Fast forward six months - my cousins, sisters, and my other sister's daughter go to Arizona to visit my Grandma for our annual girls' trip. We have a BLAST and Facebook sees everything, and so does my niece. My niece texts me, "I hope you can forgive me so next time I can be included on family events." WTF moment number three.
How I resolved the issue:
Conference call with my sisters and one of our cousins to let my niece know not inviting her had nothing to do with me. I did take responsibility for saying, yes, perhaps my part of the decision to not invite her was partially influenced by not wanting a repeat of the previous scene and apologized for such. Ultimately, though, we decided to keep our girls' cousins' trip as exactly that - a girl cousin's trip. My other sister's daughter was included because she may not have come otherwise. My niece's parent wasn't included because he is our brother. Situation resolved and moved on when my niece and her brother met us for dinner two Saturday's ago while we were in Cali and had a blast laughing and talking with each other. Love her.
*Scene 4
My other sister - we meet my other sister and three of her kids at my favorite place for breakfast. My favorite place also has a gift shop we peruse while Brando and my mother-in-law watch her kids outside climbing trees. I buy my niece and two of my nephews small gifts since I don't buy them birthday gifts. We walk outside and my sister starts talking about her 13 year old's six pack and muscles. She asks and asks and asks him to show them off. Justinbustin uncomfortably stands nearby. I make a crack about how she's embarrassing her son, but she persists. We leave to go pick up my Mom then take our two oldest boys to surf. We pick up my Mom and my other sister's two youngest boys hop in our car next to Shawners, having a blast hanging with their older cousin. My other sister starts to take her oldest and Justinbustin and I call out "don't focus on looks" from the aforementioned scene. She turns around with her lips tight and her face about to explode and says, "I am LIVID right now." She then proceeds to yell at me for ten minutes in front of my kids, her kids, my mom and MIL, and Brando. Brando takes the boys and sits aside, my Mom has her hands over her ears, and I'm pretty sure my MIL sat quietly. I'm not exactly sure what she said, but from the texts and phone calls I made later her mentions included thinking I'm a mean person, I make mean comments to her in front of her kids, she hasn't liked me for ten years, and our relationship is not worth talking anything through. When she's done yelling she pulls her kids out of the car while they're begging and pleading to stay, and takes off saying she's done. This is when we begin to text and she eventually tells me she's at Capitola beach when we are already set up at Cowell's beach with Justinbustin's wetsuit and surfboard. In hindsight I am pissed off I did not pack up and take us all over there and put up with her, if nothing else to see her two other kids I did not get to see previously. This will be one of the only trips I haven't seen them and I am SO mad at myself I was too afraid of her not wanting me there to pick up and go. WTF moment number four.
How I resolved the issue:
Here's where you come in. My other sister is the one I'd usually go to resolve issues like this. Ironic. Here's what I've done so far - texted/called apologies over and over, mentioned over and over family is worth overcoming anything to me and always has been, tried to hear her out finally said I was getting irrational and needed to stop talking, then didn't call her back. I realize she's being irrational from dealing with her own family drama the week before (her six year old told her "just send us to juvi already") evident through the yelling at me in front of her kids and my kids, and through dramatic facebook posts following the event. Nothing direct, only passive comments addressing the situation. You might've seen the "Mom!!! John won't let me have the ball!!!" post on my wall. Finally, today, I texted her a nasty text saying I realized I am the only one who cares about seeing her kids and having my kids hang out with her kids and how pissed I am I didn't pick up and come to Capitola beach and put up with her to see my other niece and nephew, then threw the mean comments back in her face letting her know mean is yelling at someone in front of your and their kids for ten minutes. Mean is not letting her kids see their cousin's who they get to see maybe twice a year. That's where I'm at. Emotionally, I'm okay because truly she's being a bitch. But I am also me which means I want to FIX it and I don't know how the heck how. WHAT do I do to resolve this?!
Also, do you see a pattern here? Is there anything else I do you've noticed on facebook or in person that might piss people off? Piss true friends and family off, not petty acquaintances I hardly know. Please be brutally honest because I am at such a loss as to what is going on that I don't know where to turn or how to fix it.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Ugh
Going in February is stressful. Going to miss something every time for sure but just found out Justinbustin is missing a pre uil concert for band. Annoying. Oh yeah and the super relaxed packing I thought we did so good on left us without three chargers and without two of my cute black and white flannel and print snow shirts. Ugh. Plus I got a pedicure this morning and went with safe turquoise which I did last fall which always puts me in a bad mood when I don't go with the bright punchy color I *really* want - this time it was orange/coral. At least I stopped back by and bought the color so I can change the color myself if I really want to. #firstworldproblems
Thursday, January 31, 2013
And done.
SOOO ready for vacay!!! After wrapping up 30+ complete pages for the yearbook, making sure January events are covered by photographers, replacing a photographer who dropped the ball for not one, but two grades, filling in holes that particular photographer left, alerting photographers about February events, holding a layout meeting for the layout team, spending twelve days organizing the making, fitting, and financing of 28 hoods for Shawner's school play with an amazing mom who took on sewing all 28 hoods but also highly medicated and perfectionist wanting to do everything herself with only myself volunteering (NOT my original intention - I organize volunteers, that's what I do) amidst all that, volunteering for Justinbustin's school in the middle of all that as well, plus all my regular Wednesday folders, library volunteering, and running the boys to and from, as well as the happy surprise of steam cleaning the carpets three times this month from our lovely puppies - the last time being today, has me EXHAUSTED. So, SO ready for vacay!!
Oh, looking back through my posts, other things done this month: lacrosse orientation for Justinbustin, SATs for Justinbustin, Shawner's multiple rehearsals and final performance - I ended up seeing the play five times by the time it was over, and math club for Shawner's. Probably forgetting quite a few... oh, yeah! The whole family being sick for a week. How could I forget that? And this is ALL after winter break ended on the 7th. Whew. No wonder I took a nap by the pool. I realize I'm sleeping HARD when I drool lol.
Oh, looking back through my posts, other things done this month: lacrosse orientation for Justinbustin, SATs for Justinbustin, Shawner's multiple rehearsals and final performance - I ended up seeing the play five times by the time it was over, and math club for Shawner's. Probably forgetting quite a few... oh, yeah! The whole family being sick for a week. How could I forget that? And this is ALL after winter break ended on the 7th. Whew. No wonder I took a nap by the pool. I realize I'm sleeping HARD when I drool lol.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Moms
Hit me just now that the crazy moms are the same crazy highschool girls. They didn't automatically not become mothers. Nope, they're mixed right in with the normal down to earth moms, thus making those normal down to earth ones once again hard to find. Only now they're busier making them even harder to find.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Crazies
Crazy people/strong personalities have such a pull because they say whatever is on their mind and share their life story with no prodding, but man they're a bitch when they turn on you. Funny how I recognize things when I have the extreme thrown in my face.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Random Dreams
Note to a friend, D, about a dream about her - decided not to send it to her but blog it instead lol:
I was actually all sad because you had been swept up into a crazy three week going out streak with another friend of mine who I had turned down going downtown with the other night. You were all worn out and tired, and I totally felt responsible for introducing you to her!! LOL. I have been having dreams with the most random people in them lately. You aren't so random - the other friend was since I just met her. Other dreams have had parents from Justin's 3rd grade class, and others ex-boyfriends from when I was 16?! Usually I'm pretty good at figuring out what dreams mean or what subconscious is bringing them up, but these are throwing me for a loop.
I was actually all sad because you had been swept up into a crazy three week going out streak with another friend of mine who I had turned down going downtown with the other night. You were all worn out and tired, and I totally felt responsible for introducing you to her!! LOL. I have been having dreams with the most random people in them lately. You aren't so random - the other friend was since I just met her. Other dreams have had parents from Justin's 3rd grade class, and others ex-boyfriends from when I was 16?! Usually I'm pretty good at figuring out what dreams mean or what subconscious is bringing them up, but these are throwing me for a loop.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Oohhhh
Not feeling so good. Been thru a round each of the boys and now it's my turn. I think. I don't know. Now I understand why Brando kept asking if he was sick when he came home sick from work Monday... Ugh. I wish I would throw up already to stop feeling this way.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
SO true - from an Open Letter to Taylor Swift
The best part is if you make the choice the butterflies do come back, and even stronger than those initial attraction butterflies. It takes going thru the choice over and over again at different times and stages of life to get there each time, though.
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