SO PISSY at friends tonight. Stupid reasons but when they all happen right after another it drives me crazy !! Doesn't help I'm questioning the point of having friends in the first place. Suck all my time up and then when they get a baby or a boyfriend who gets the shaft? Yeah, that's right. How the f*ck do you think I make it work people? It's called effort. And I'm pissed off they're not making it. I'm being totally harsh and I realize it, especially in the new situations they're in. At the same time, I'm not. Part of me just wants to say eff this, the effort isn't worth it anymore. It takes two, and I'm kind of getting sick of doing the work of two.
PROBLEM is, I feel like because I never can say yes to anything last minute I'm stuck being the initiator. Maybe that's what the problem is. I'm the initiator. So, the second they can't say yes anymore, that relationship goes out the window. Yup, that sounds right.
Makes me SO VERY GRATEFUL for the girlfriends in my life who equally initiate (aka those who are reading, and a very few here).
Monday, April 23, 2012
Lots o' changes
Lots o' changes coming up. My kid is becoming more internet savvy and we've realized we haven't taught him internet safety. We've just tried to make sure he stays out of that stuff without actually talking to him about it.
Figures, my kid is into computers with the amount of time I spend on computers.
Somehow, I've managed to spend five years online conversing with people I've never met, and then actually meeting some of them and some of them becoming my closest friends, yet, the cat has my tongue when it comes to talking to my kid about it.
I always wondered when this day would come. It's here.
I apologized to him today for being guarded with him in questions he has about life. I tend to be guarded in person, to my friends, and to other people period. This weekend I realize I'm guarded with my own kids. The only person I am not guarded with is Brando. This is because I can fly off the handle with him and he still loves me. He knows my deepest heart of hearts and he loves me for that. I guess I'm realizing I don't even trust my kids with that. (side track: just read a comment on my last post by Mrs. A and realized the only other person(s) I'm not guarded with is this blog, and those who read it. i need to create the openness I have here with my children, which brings tears to my eyes as I think about it - probably doesn't help I'm listening to the post from that song right now too :) .)
Trust, but verify.
These are words I heard from another mom of a teenage today, with a family that has similar beliefs and values as we do. These are words her husband likes to say. I love it. I'm forever arguing with my kids about trusting or not trusting them. This way I can tell them I trust, but I'm going to verify. That's my job.
I talked to yet another mom of one of Justinbustin's close friend. She was blindsided this last week when she found out her son was dating a girl. Innocent enough, just as Justinbustin's facebook was, but still information he chose to keep from her. The girl had asked him out and he went with it. Once his mom found out though she kept the freak out mom calm (she used those words, and I'm so glad she did, made me feel better about wanting to completely flip out when I heard about the facebook situation) and talked to him about. Asked him if he really wanted to be in a relationship. He said no because this girl wants him to spend all his time with her - at recess, at lunch, when they're hanging out with friends. After his mom talked to him they mutually called it off and he told his mom it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to hang out with her anymore.
I was so incredibly glad I had called her and talked to her and she had dealt with a similar situation this week. Justinbustin is such an AMAZING guy and sometimes all I can see is the negative. I need to learn how to focus on the positive and not mom freak out on the rest when it comes up, but rather TALK TO HIM about it. Keep the lines of conversation open.
REALIZE I have been on this earth seventeen years longer than him, and the time I've spent on earth longer than him I've learned lessons that he hasn't and I can share what I have learned with him.
As the Bible says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 I wish somebody had told me about this verse or I had read it a long time ago. I've spent a lot of time letting people look down on me I am young, including myself. No more. I have been keeping this verse in mind since I saw it somewhere - oh, yeah, on my kid's youth group facebook lol - and have been mulling it over. Now, I am realizing I need to put it into effect. Especially when it comes to my kid and sharing what God has already taught me with him.
Another verse I've been thinking a lot about recently is, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest." Galations 6:9 . I see that as our children's lives are the harvest, and if we do not grow weary the harvest will come. Sometimes, I get SO TIRED. I realize I am not the only one. Parenting is so, so, so tiring. And sometimes I feel like giving up. It is SO MUCH work to guide another human being in growing in character, and the light, and the truth. It's difficult enough to do for myself, but then to do it for ANOTHER PERSON? Oh my goodness, some times I just want to sleep. It is those moments, I need to keep this verse in mind. Do not grow weary, for in due time you will reap a harvest.
Another verse talks about training up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 is the verse. I tie this verse into the not growing weary one. I realize as much as I've had to relearn from my parents, their core goal of loving God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and eating healthily with lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as staying away from doctor's as much as possible and drugs that are poisons for your body, whether prescribed or not, has stuck with me. And as I am old (hahaha) I have not departed from it. There's been times I've wavered from it - with alcohol, with friends, with wondering who I am, with wondering if I can figure out who I am in my marriage, with letting friends see that part of me, but I have stuck with it. All I can pray is that I show my children those same values, and, on top of that, I pray I can show them ways they can be productive in God's love before they reach my age. Now, while their youth is so very powerful, and they have such influence on those around them and on the world in general.
I see my nephews and the powerful influence they have on the lives they have around them, and their hearts to serve. I desire that for my boys. I love Justinbustin's heart to volunteer and I pray I continue to encourage and facilitate that. Shawners is getting there. Saturday he volunteered for five hours on an eagle project bolting supports underneath a roof Justinbustin spent ten hours on top of building said roof. Justinbustin has such an amazing heart to serve. I LOVE that about him.
I am praying I can keep the lines of communication open in order to inform him and guard his heart so that he has the power and the wisdom to be able to guard it himself and trust God for all his needs.
Figures, my kid is into computers with the amount of time I spend on computers.
Somehow, I've managed to spend five years online conversing with people I've never met, and then actually meeting some of them and some of them becoming my closest friends, yet, the cat has my tongue when it comes to talking to my kid about it.
I always wondered when this day would come. It's here.
I apologized to him today for being guarded with him in questions he has about life. I tend to be guarded in person, to my friends, and to other people period. This weekend I realize I'm guarded with my own kids. The only person I am not guarded with is Brando. This is because I can fly off the handle with him and he still loves me. He knows my deepest heart of hearts and he loves me for that. I guess I'm realizing I don't even trust my kids with that. (side track: just read a comment on my last post by Mrs. A and realized the only other person(s) I'm not guarded with is this blog, and those who read it. i need to create the openness I have here with my children, which brings tears to my eyes as I think about it - probably doesn't help I'm listening to the post from that song right now too :) .)
Trust, but verify.
These are words I heard from another mom of a teenage today, with a family that has similar beliefs and values as we do. These are words her husband likes to say. I love it. I'm forever arguing with my kids about trusting or not trusting them. This way I can tell them I trust, but I'm going to verify. That's my job.
I talked to yet another mom of one of Justinbustin's close friend. She was blindsided this last week when she found out her son was dating a girl. Innocent enough, just as Justinbustin's facebook was, but still information he chose to keep from her. The girl had asked him out and he went with it. Once his mom found out though she kept the freak out mom calm (she used those words, and I'm so glad she did, made me feel better about wanting to completely flip out when I heard about the facebook situation) and talked to him about. Asked him if he really wanted to be in a relationship. He said no because this girl wants him to spend all his time with her - at recess, at lunch, when they're hanging out with friends. After his mom talked to him they mutually called it off and he told his mom it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to hang out with her anymore.
I was so incredibly glad I had called her and talked to her and she had dealt with a similar situation this week. Justinbustin is such an AMAZING guy and sometimes all I can see is the negative. I need to learn how to focus on the positive and not mom freak out on the rest when it comes up, but rather TALK TO HIM about it. Keep the lines of conversation open.
REALIZE I have been on this earth seventeen years longer than him, and the time I've spent on earth longer than him I've learned lessons that he hasn't and I can share what I have learned with him.
As the Bible says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 I wish somebody had told me about this verse or I had read it a long time ago. I've spent a lot of time letting people look down on me I am young, including myself. No more. I have been keeping this verse in mind since I saw it somewhere - oh, yeah, on my kid's youth group facebook lol - and have been mulling it over. Now, I am realizing I need to put it into effect. Especially when it comes to my kid and sharing what God has already taught me with him.
Another verse I've been thinking a lot about recently is, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest." Galations 6:9 . I see that as our children's lives are the harvest, and if we do not grow weary the harvest will come. Sometimes, I get SO TIRED. I realize I am not the only one. Parenting is so, so, so tiring. And sometimes I feel like giving up. It is SO MUCH work to guide another human being in growing in character, and the light, and the truth. It's difficult enough to do for myself, but then to do it for ANOTHER PERSON? Oh my goodness, some times I just want to sleep. It is those moments, I need to keep this verse in mind. Do not grow weary, for in due time you will reap a harvest.
Another verse talks about training up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 is the verse. I tie this verse into the not growing weary one. I realize as much as I've had to relearn from my parents, their core goal of loving God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and eating healthily with lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as staying away from doctor's as much as possible and drugs that are poisons for your body, whether prescribed or not, has stuck with me. And as I am old (hahaha) I have not departed from it. There's been times I've wavered from it - with alcohol, with friends, with wondering who I am, with wondering if I can figure out who I am in my marriage, with letting friends see that part of me, but I have stuck with it. All I can pray is that I show my children those same values, and, on top of that, I pray I can show them ways they can be productive in God's love before they reach my age. Now, while their youth is so very powerful, and they have such influence on those around them and on the world in general.
I see my nephews and the powerful influence they have on the lives they have around them, and their hearts to serve. I desire that for my boys. I love Justinbustin's heart to volunteer and I pray I continue to encourage and facilitate that. Shawners is getting there. Saturday he volunteered for five hours on an eagle project bolting supports underneath a roof Justinbustin spent ten hours on top of building said roof. Justinbustin has such an amazing heart to serve. I LOVE that about him.
I am praying I can keep the lines of communication open in order to inform him and guard his heart so that he has the power and the wisdom to be able to guard it himself and trust God for all his needs.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Dancing in the Minefields - Andrew Peterson
The Dad of the first Eagle Scout from the boys' boy scout troop told us tonight when he hears this song he thinks of Brando and I. Talk about tears - especially as we're talking to him about yet another field to dance in!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
What a special day!
Realized when I got home this evening that I had gone on three separate dates with all three of my men today. Shawners topped it off with telling me after I apologized for the yogurt shop being half closed down by the time we got there, "Being with you is special enough." Heart melt.
Freakin out a little
This kid is growing up on me. The other day Justinbustin said to me, "Everybody has a facebook, Mom." Mom intuition that we have, I realize this may be literal and meant to include him. Today I looked up his friend's facebook via the friend's mom's facebook and looked at his friends (stalkerish, I know, that's how we Moms find things out these days I guess). Sure enough, there was Justinbustin under a pseudo name. I added him as a friend, then texted Brando about it. Brando's response? "Hmmm... Well. Yeah. Just make it positive. You don't necessarily need his password. Just be his friend." Wiser words were never spoken to calm me down. I grabbed his computer to see if there was anything else I needed to be concerned about - nothing. That I could find, any way, which doesn't mean a lot. As soon as he woke up, I asked him what email he had it under as trying to log in to facebook under his email said there's no account with that email. I asked him about it, and sure enough, he has a junk email. I nonchalantly had him log into it while I sat there and asked him his password for that account, as well as his facebook account. Conversation over. Thank God for Brando settling me down, cuz I was ready to rant.
I'm learning these days to not react so knee jerkishly to everything. It's my instinct and it's necessary sometimes. Other times, things are going to happen a certain way and a knee jerk reaction is going to make a mountain out of a molehill. It's really difficult, though.
For example, right now, I want to knee jerk reaction to the different style Shawner's new teacher has. But it's just that. A different style. He's doing okay. Yesterday, he said he had a "good day, I guess", which tells me he's having a bit of a transition period. I need one, too. Especially when I go in every Wednesday to do folders and things aren't organized as they were with the previous teacher, and when I hear her instructing the kids completely differently than his previous teacher, or when I see the kids line up and her instructing when the previous teacher didn't ever say a word. She's not the previous teacher, and she won't be. As long as the kids are okay, that's the important thing. It makes me cry, either way, and want to mama bear insist that she be exactly like the other teacher as I chose to believe she would be beforehand.
I'm learning these days to not react so knee jerkishly to everything. It's my instinct and it's necessary sometimes. Other times, things are going to happen a certain way and a knee jerk reaction is going to make a mountain out of a molehill. It's really difficult, though.
For example, right now, I want to knee jerk reaction to the different style Shawner's new teacher has. But it's just that. A different style. He's doing okay. Yesterday, he said he had a "good day, I guess", which tells me he's having a bit of a transition period. I need one, too. Especially when I go in every Wednesday to do folders and things aren't organized as they were with the previous teacher, and when I hear her instructing the kids completely differently than his previous teacher, or when I see the kids line up and her instructing when the previous teacher didn't ever say a word. She's not the previous teacher, and she won't be. As long as the kids are okay, that's the important thing. It makes me cry, either way, and want to mama bear insist that she be exactly like the other teacher as I chose to believe she would be beforehand.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Who I Am
I just realized something about myself. When I feel like an injustice has been done, I cut the person I feel was responsible out of the picture. Especially when it comes to my son. This can be a detrimental thing.
Justinbustin went on a boy scout camping trip and got bit 72+ times by chiggers. His reaction to bug bites is pretty intense - in other words you gasp when you look at the swollen bites on his leg. He's staying home from sch*ol for the second day today. The boy scout trip he went on was a black *ps mission trip. Only. He didn't get to do the super boy fun black *ps part. He had to man a station. Because he's on the A team/leadership team. First off, I've always been a little pissy that they didn't freakin' assign him a leadership position in the first place when they were assigning everybody else from his pack a position. I had to freakin' email and ask. Only then did they 'come up' with a few positions that they offered him. Both which kinda sucked in my opinion - troop secretary or quartermaster (takes inventory of all supplies). It actually makes me see red thinking about it. I didn't say anything. He took on quartermaster and has been doing something (I think) with it since. Not really much, because his position isn't required for every trip like I would love it to be, but he does something sometimes. That made me mad. I felt that was an injustice. But I let it ride.
Now. As a result, he is on the A-Team/leadership team which is kinda cool because not a lot of kids are on it. At the same time, not a lot of kids are on it besides all the Dads. So when it's only him and one other kid, and that other kid has to go home early, guess who's stuck eating by himself with all the Dads? Yeah. He kinda liked that part, but it PISSed me off, especially since HIS dad wasn't there. In addition, the whole not being part of the black *ps thing? He said he had to be manning a station because he was on the A team. So here he goes to this event he's super looking forward to, nobody tells him he won't be allowed to participate, I spend $66 buying stupid effen (sorry, I'm really mad) supplies for said black *ps that ALL the other kids end up flippin' using, comes home covered in chiggers, and gets tears in his eyes every time I ask him about what happened that night.
Not only am I RAGING MAMA BEAR MAD, I also start to wonder did something else happen? At some point, he's the only kid with a bunch of Dads. NOT EXACTLY the buddy system they are supposed to have. This part really gets me mad. What else happened? Brando says to stop questioning Justinbustin, but I'm not going to. Why is my son getting tears in his eyes when I ask him about a darn campout?
Okay. So all that. Then, I realize, I just want to take him out of the troop. I am done. SO DONE. And then I start crying the minute I type that because that is the dumbest way to go. But I am SO MAD I want to get back at these people and take away my precious son from them so they can't hurt him anymore. Then, I realize, that's what I did with his youth group (he's now transitioned into one that he goes to up here with a good friend from school) when the leader tried to convince me to hold him back in effen youth group and Justinbustin cried many tears saying his friends are where he's at and he doesn't want to be held back in youth group - it's already happened at school through no fault of his own (his birthday affected it, and the fact that when we first put him in school we put him a grade higher because the grade he should've gone in was full, which we evened out later). I don't want to do what I did with youth group with boy scouts, too.
Then, I realize, this is what I did with Jer*my. The biological Dad. When he decided he didn't want to be a part of our lives, I cut him out. I said okay. See ya. I am SO DONE with you. And I think I've been doing it ever since. I realized I did it with me, but I was fine with that. I was fine with cutting people out of my life who didn't deserve to be there. Now, if I do that to my son, he will miss out on some amazing opportunities he is privileged to be a part of. Now that I think about it, maybe I have missed out on some amazing opportunities myself, but I haven't cared. I can't do that to him, especially when he does care, and when he does have a choice.
So. Going forward. I realize what we SHOULD've done with youth group. We should've gotten involved. Been a part of what was going on. Instead of resisting, we should've been part of the solution. So now I am going to ask Brando to step up his involvement with Justinbustin's boy scouts - be there for the next few meetings. Figure out what is going on and how he can help Justinbustin be the leader I realize he wants to be. Figure out why he may be being ostracized. Is he not stepping up enough? Are they stepping on him? WHAT is going on?! And note to myself MAKE SURE you know who Justinbustin is riding with. This last time he rode with a guy I've only talked to once, this was the same guy who told him he couldn't do the black *ps. Maybe he was trying to be helpful, I don't know, but I am friends with most of the dads, and this one is not my friend. Make sure next time he ONLY goes with those who are my friends. There was one there who is my friend, but I thought I'd let Justinbustin go a little this time and not make a big deal out of him going with that person like I have in the past. Big mistake. Next time, he goes with a friend, and I am going to tell him so so that he is the one that can make sure it happens.
Justinbustin went on a boy scout camping trip and got bit 72+ times by chiggers. His reaction to bug bites is pretty intense - in other words you gasp when you look at the swollen bites on his leg. He's staying home from sch*ol for the second day today. The boy scout trip he went on was a black *ps mission trip. Only. He didn't get to do the super boy fun black *ps part. He had to man a station. Because he's on the A team/leadership team. First off, I've always been a little pissy that they didn't freakin' assign him a leadership position in the first place when they were assigning everybody else from his pack a position. I had to freakin' email and ask. Only then did they 'come up' with a few positions that they offered him. Both which kinda sucked in my opinion - troop secretary or quartermaster (takes inventory of all supplies). It actually makes me see red thinking about it. I didn't say anything. He took on quartermaster and has been doing something (I think) with it since. Not really much, because his position isn't required for every trip like I would love it to be, but he does something sometimes. That made me mad. I felt that was an injustice. But I let it ride.
Now. As a result, he is on the A-Team/leadership team which is kinda cool because not a lot of kids are on it. At the same time, not a lot of kids are on it besides all the Dads. So when it's only him and one other kid, and that other kid has to go home early, guess who's stuck eating by himself with all the Dads? Yeah. He kinda liked that part, but it PISSed me off, especially since HIS dad wasn't there. In addition, the whole not being part of the black *ps thing? He said he had to be manning a station because he was on the A team. So here he goes to this event he's super looking forward to, nobody tells him he won't be allowed to participate, I spend $66 buying stupid effen (sorry, I'm really mad) supplies for said black *ps that ALL the other kids end up flippin' using, comes home covered in chiggers, and gets tears in his eyes every time I ask him about what happened that night.
Not only am I RAGING MAMA BEAR MAD, I also start to wonder did something else happen? At some point, he's the only kid with a bunch of Dads. NOT EXACTLY the buddy system they are supposed to have. This part really gets me mad. What else happened? Brando says to stop questioning Justinbustin, but I'm not going to. Why is my son getting tears in his eyes when I ask him about a darn campout?
Okay. So all that. Then, I realize, I just want to take him out of the troop. I am done. SO DONE. And then I start crying the minute I type that because that is the dumbest way to go. But I am SO MAD I want to get back at these people and take away my precious son from them so they can't hurt him anymore. Then, I realize, that's what I did with his youth group (he's now transitioned into one that he goes to up here with a good friend from school) when the leader tried to convince me to hold him back in effen youth group and Justinbustin cried many tears saying his friends are where he's at and he doesn't want to be held back in youth group - it's already happened at school through no fault of his own (his birthday affected it, and the fact that when we first put him in school we put him a grade higher because the grade he should've gone in was full, which we evened out later). I don't want to do what I did with youth group with boy scouts, too.
Then, I realize, this is what I did with Jer*my. The biological Dad. When he decided he didn't want to be a part of our lives, I cut him out. I said okay. See ya. I am SO DONE with you. And I think I've been doing it ever since. I realized I did it with me, but I was fine with that. I was fine with cutting people out of my life who didn't deserve to be there. Now, if I do that to my son, he will miss out on some amazing opportunities he is privileged to be a part of. Now that I think about it, maybe I have missed out on some amazing opportunities myself, but I haven't cared. I can't do that to him, especially when he does care, and when he does have a choice.
So. Going forward. I realize what we SHOULD've done with youth group. We should've gotten involved. Been a part of what was going on. Instead of resisting, we should've been part of the solution. So now I am going to ask Brando to step up his involvement with Justinbustin's boy scouts - be there for the next few meetings. Figure out what is going on and how he can help Justinbustin be the leader I realize he wants to be. Figure out why he may be being ostracized. Is he not stepping up enough? Are they stepping on him? WHAT is going on?! And note to myself MAKE SURE you know who Justinbustin is riding with. This last time he rode with a guy I've only talked to once, this was the same guy who told him he couldn't do the black *ps. Maybe he was trying to be helpful, I don't know, but I am friends with most of the dads, and this one is not my friend. Make sure next time he ONLY goes with those who are my friends. There was one there who is my friend, but I thought I'd let Justinbustin go a little this time and not make a big deal out of him going with that person like I have in the past. Big mistake. Next time, he goes with a friend, and I am going to tell him so so that he is the one that can make sure it happens.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Suburgatory
*Boys are off on their respective camping trip and it's just me and the dogs right now. And the birds. And the gecko.
*One of my besties is looking to have a baby soon. They've been trying for awhile, had one mishap, which she had before her first, and are still trying. Another one of my besties is due next month. And Shawner's kindergarten teacher has a ten and twelve year old like me and is five months along with another sweet peanut. Now that we're past the winter birthdays, it makes me want to jump on board. I realized too, that I'd LOVE to have a baby before Spring Break and summer so that we can enjoy the sunshine. After an amazing date last night we 'tried' again. Only this time it's not directly after my period and I'm not quite sure when my period is coming. Woke up this morning to my boob being totally sore, which most likely means my period is coming soon any way. So we'll try again.
*The city is getting a little too close to me. They built a shopping center right next to us. We could walk to it if we wanted. I love being fifteen minutes away from a vibrant city and surrounded by gorgeous hill country. I don't like when the city is right next to me. Fortunately, we're at the back of the community and still surrounded by gorgeous hill country. We just see the shopping center when we drive out. This is the reason for the title for this post. Having shopping so close feels a little too suburgatory to me, even though I'm not quite sure if that makes it qualify. And, actually, that show is dumb because they succumbed to suburgatory in the first episode.
*Spring is a CRAZY busy time of year. This is the first time I've had a chance to take a breath since coming back from Spring Break and actually my house is calling out to me to put it back in order and scrub it's surfaces.
*My niece's birthday is coming up. I got tickets to join her and my sisters in SF for the weekend to party her 21st away. She is wearing a Katy Perry like dress and I bought a few from Macy's to go with hers. They are sitting at the UPS station in Austin, so I'll have to wait til' Monday to see if they fit. They only had size 5 in the two I wanted, so we'll see. My niece had the fantastic idea of getting it tailored if need be, so that's an option.
*Getting my hair trimmed or cut today. I can't decide if I want to go shorter, much shorter, or shorter at all. Brando and I went on a date last night and he tells me your hair looks like it's short right now and it looks so hot that length. Thanks, hon, the night before I get a hair cut. Usually, he sticks with a safe "I love your hair short and I love your hair long or any way you have it".
*My bestie, KT, commented and liked my photos on fb 38 times after I told her I was feeling insecure about not having many comments on my photos (though I realize I overload fb with photos since it's my scrapbook, so really I also completely understand, and, also, as KT puts it I realize you're not supposed to get emotion from technical communication including facebook). LOVE her. Had to go back and finally recomment on all her comments this morning when I was finally able to have the time :) .
*One of my besties is looking to have a baby soon. They've been trying for awhile, had one mishap, which she had before her first, and are still trying. Another one of my besties is due next month. And Shawner's kindergarten teacher has a ten and twelve year old like me and is five months along with another sweet peanut. Now that we're past the winter birthdays, it makes me want to jump on board. I realized too, that I'd LOVE to have a baby before Spring Break and summer so that we can enjoy the sunshine. After an amazing date last night we 'tried' again. Only this time it's not directly after my period and I'm not quite sure when my period is coming. Woke up this morning to my boob being totally sore, which most likely means my period is coming soon any way. So we'll try again.
*The city is getting a little too close to me. They built a shopping center right next to us. We could walk to it if we wanted. I love being fifteen minutes away from a vibrant city and surrounded by gorgeous hill country. I don't like when the city is right next to me. Fortunately, we're at the back of the community and still surrounded by gorgeous hill country. We just see the shopping center when we drive out. This is the reason for the title for this post. Having shopping so close feels a little too suburgatory to me, even though I'm not quite sure if that makes it qualify. And, actually, that show is dumb because they succumbed to suburgatory in the first episode.
*Spring is a CRAZY busy time of year. This is the first time I've had a chance to take a breath since coming back from Spring Break and actually my house is calling out to me to put it back in order and scrub it's surfaces.
*My niece's birthday is coming up. I got tickets to join her and my sisters in SF for the weekend to party her 21st away. She is wearing a Katy Perry like dress and I bought a few from Macy's to go with hers. They are sitting at the UPS station in Austin, so I'll have to wait til' Monday to see if they fit. They only had size 5 in the two I wanted, so we'll see. My niece had the fantastic idea of getting it tailored if need be, so that's an option.
*Getting my hair trimmed or cut today. I can't decide if I want to go shorter, much shorter, or shorter at all. Brando and I went on a date last night and he tells me your hair looks like it's short right now and it looks so hot that length. Thanks, hon, the night before I get a hair cut. Usually, he sticks with a safe "I love your hair short and I love your hair long or any way you have it".
*My bestie, KT, commented and liked my photos on fb 38 times after I told her I was feeling insecure about not having many comments on my photos (though I realize I overload fb with photos since it's my scrapbook, so really I also completely understand, and, also, as KT puts it I realize you're not supposed to get emotion from technical communication including facebook). LOVE her. Had to go back and finally recomment on all her comments this morning when I was finally able to have the time :) .
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Seriously, week, how many curve balls are you going to throw?
Okay, so yet another one. This has to go in a bullet list. My time finally calms down and starts to get back to normal and then...
*Brando got his promotion Monday. Whoo!! The awesome bright spot in my week, other than ending results on most other things!
*Shawner's good friend's dog ate a poisonous root Monday and has been up in the air whether he would recover until today and they are pretty sure he will be okay, but still have to monitor him for a month
*Shawners threw up Monday night and stayed home Tuesday when I was supposed to go on a walk with said friend's Mom, but she had cancelled because of the situation with the dog any way which worked out
*Justinbustin informed me after Shawners had been home all day but not thrown up again and felt fine except for a little tired thank goodness that Justinbustin had two weird lumps between his neck and shoulder
*I immediately ran him to the doctor at urgent care as they were in an odd spot. The doctor tells me, "Quite honestly, I don't know what they are. I would follow up with your general practitioner and see if they can do an ultrasound to determine what they are."
*Today, I get Justinbustin in to our (awesome) regular doctor at 10:45am and she tells me (after confirming with the head doctor) it is swollen lymph nodes as a result of infections he had in bug bites near that area that he wouldn't leave alone and they may take up to two months to go back down. Thank goodness they knew what it was because I was starting to freak out.
*After I drop Justinbustin back off at school I head to Starb*cks to get Shawner's teacher an Easter gift. She had given me an Easter gift today for the volunteering I do each week and I hadn't thought to give her one til' then. As I walk into Starbucks I check my email and have an email from her saying she is moving to Seattle with her husband's transfer NEXT week. So I walk into Starbucks and buy an Easter gift and a goodbye gift trying to hold back tears for this amazing teacher he has that he will not have after next week.
*When I pick up Shawners, his good friend's Mom gets a text from another Mom that says everybody in the class cried when the teacher told him. The first thing Shawners says when he gets in the car is his teacher is leaving and everybody cried. Some kids sobbed. One girl went through a box of Kleenex. He says he, his good friend, and two other kids are the only ones that didn't cry. And him, only because he keeps his feelings on the inside, and he would be embarrassed. He said he wanted to cry, but wasn't going to.
*He said they had three options for long-term substitutes that had all come at one point or another, and the one they are getting has a dog that rolls up in the carpet to sleep and snores. He also said she did look goth because she had black eyeliner (thought it was funny he noticed that and pointed it out).
*When he told me about the kids sobbing, I couldn't hold my tears anymore and came home and cried it out myself, just letting myself feel sad to get it out.
*I get home and get an email saying the high school ministry at our church is being transferred over to the middle school head leader, which is mixed feelings. He was GREAT with my nephews, but so far it's been an interesting ride with Justinbustin. I have confidence it will work out for the best, but still it's interesting to know that when he gets out of middle school he will still be working with this guy in youth group.
*This evening Brando will be working late, so I will be doing the kid runs by myself. This will be interesting!
*Anything else, week?
*I am so grateful, at least, that they have all had good endings. Just a lot to process!!
*Brando got his promotion Monday. Whoo!! The awesome bright spot in my week, other than ending results on most other things!
*Shawner's good friend's dog ate a poisonous root Monday and has been up in the air whether he would recover until today and they are pretty sure he will be okay, but still have to monitor him for a month
*Shawners threw up Monday night and stayed home Tuesday when I was supposed to go on a walk with said friend's Mom, but she had cancelled because of the situation with the dog any way which worked out
*Justinbustin informed me after Shawners had been home all day but not thrown up again and felt fine except for a little tired thank goodness that Justinbustin had two weird lumps between his neck and shoulder
*I immediately ran him to the doctor at urgent care as they were in an odd spot. The doctor tells me, "Quite honestly, I don't know what they are. I would follow up with your general practitioner and see if they can do an ultrasound to determine what they are."
*Today, I get Justinbustin in to our (awesome) regular doctor at 10:45am and she tells me (after confirming with the head doctor) it is swollen lymph nodes as a result of infections he had in bug bites near that area that he wouldn't leave alone and they may take up to two months to go back down. Thank goodness they knew what it was because I was starting to freak out.
*After I drop Justinbustin back off at school I head to Starb*cks to get Shawner's teacher an Easter gift. She had given me an Easter gift today for the volunteering I do each week and I hadn't thought to give her one til' then. As I walk into Starbucks I check my email and have an email from her saying she is moving to Seattle with her husband's transfer NEXT week. So I walk into Starbucks and buy an Easter gift and a goodbye gift trying to hold back tears for this amazing teacher he has that he will not have after next week.
*When I pick up Shawners, his good friend's Mom gets a text from another Mom that says everybody in the class cried when the teacher told him. The first thing Shawners says when he gets in the car is his teacher is leaving and everybody cried. Some kids sobbed. One girl went through a box of Kleenex. He says he, his good friend, and two other kids are the only ones that didn't cry. And him, only because he keeps his feelings on the inside, and he would be embarrassed. He said he wanted to cry, but wasn't going to.
*He said they had three options for long-term substitutes that had all come at one point or another, and the one they are getting has a dog that rolls up in the carpet to sleep and snores. He also said she did look goth because she had black eyeliner (thought it was funny he noticed that and pointed it out).
*When he told me about the kids sobbing, I couldn't hold my tears anymore and came home and cried it out myself, just letting myself feel sad to get it out.
*I get home and get an email saying the high school ministry at our church is being transferred over to the middle school head leader, which is mixed feelings. He was GREAT with my nephews, but so far it's been an interesting ride with Justinbustin. I have confidence it will work out for the best, but still it's interesting to know that when he gets out of middle school he will still be working with this guy in youth group.
*This evening Brando will be working late, so I will be doing the kid runs by myself. This will be interesting!
*Anything else, week?
*I am so grateful, at least, that they have all had good endings. Just a lot to process!!
That's it - I need to vent
This week has been an absolute whirlwind of emotions, a roller coaster of emotions.
I'll start with the good. BRANDO IS NOW A BR*NCH MANAGER. Sorry for the shouting, but imagine me jumping up and down and screaming with excitement, whoohoos, and clapping my hands in glee!! I am SO PROUD OF HIM. It literally blows my mind how amazing he is. Happy birthday to him as he will be 31 this month, and WOW has he skyrocketed past what any place any normal 30 year old is at. He amazes me. There is a looooong story behind this I'll have to write out, but it involves him turning down the position, letting me know (which I immediately had panic attacks about, then understood), then him talking to me and figuring out if he should go ahead and do it, then him having to interview with somebody else who'd applied since he'd turned it down, and me waiting on pins and needles and roller coaster emotions to hear back since the other guy had already been in training for a br*nch manager and is at the same br*nch Brando is currently at, then happening to be grabbing a quick lunch at J*mba Juice with Brando while he returned the phone call from the hiring guy/his mentor to hear he got the br*nch!! Talk about emotions!! Then, I had to wait til' the hiring guy/mentor told the other guy he didn't get the job before I could tell anyone, and I want to wait til' the area br*nches get the official email before I tell anyone, so I'm getting it out here!!
(and one of my besties, Mai, just called me back and I got the rest out to her and now I have to pick up Shawners, so, oops, the rest will have to come later :D )
I'll start with the good. BRANDO IS NOW A BR*NCH MANAGER. Sorry for the shouting, but imagine me jumping up and down and screaming with excitement, whoohoos, and clapping my hands in glee!! I am SO PROUD OF HIM. It literally blows my mind how amazing he is. Happy birthday to him as he will be 31 this month, and WOW has he skyrocketed past what any place any normal 30 year old is at. He amazes me. There is a looooong story behind this I'll have to write out, but it involves him turning down the position, letting me know (which I immediately had panic attacks about, then understood), then him talking to me and figuring out if he should go ahead and do it, then him having to interview with somebody else who'd applied since he'd turned it down, and me waiting on pins and needles and roller coaster emotions to hear back since the other guy had already been in training for a br*nch manager and is at the same br*nch Brando is currently at, then happening to be grabbing a quick lunch at J*mba Juice with Brando while he returned the phone call from the hiring guy/his mentor to hear he got the br*nch!! Talk about emotions!! Then, I had to wait til' the hiring guy/mentor told the other guy he didn't get the job before I could tell anyone, and I want to wait til' the area br*nches get the official email before I tell anyone, so I'm getting it out here!!
(and one of my besties, Mai, just called me back and I got the rest out to her and now I have to pick up Shawners, so, oops, the rest will have to come later :D )
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