My guiltless guilty pleasure - Bachelor and ice cream

Just read my diary I kept from the age of 8 to age 17, 3 days after I had Justinbustin.

Thoughts:

When my parents pulled me out of school at eleven my entire demeanor and outlook changed to one of boredom and tantrums.

When I went to an ATI conference at twelve I got completely brainwashed not in a good way.

When my parents put me back in school at thirteen a few days a week I didn't do a whole lot of school but it started to even out with the brainwashing.

At thirteen or fourteen I discovered boys.

At fourteen I started working a lot.

At fourteen I applied to a christian college and got denied acceptance (couldn't be because I was 14 could it? ha! somehow my fourteen year old self just wrote it off). I don't mention college again in my diary.

At sixteen I meet Justinbustin's biological father.

At seventeen I have Justinbustin and as Brando puts it 'I sound exactly the way I do now' when I write a letter to Justinbustin about how much I love him and God's plans for his life.

SO interesting to read all this - especially how my entire outlook on life changed to ones of temper tantrums (at ELEVEN?! being taken out of school so screwed with my head) and SO MUCH boredom (before that I'd write about my days and really didn't look inwardly at all - even when I go back to school at 13 for a few days a week my outlook immediately changes to that - a much, much healthier outlook as far as reading it and remembering it).

Then, being brainwashed at fourteen. It's almost embarrassing to read! You can see how desperate I am for SOME sort of life that I latch on to this brainwashing crap ATI stuck down my throat. Fortunately I let go of it around fourteen when I attend a youth conference with less brainwashed more normal people, and start discovering boys :) .

Just had to spill all those thoughts out, even if they don't make sense to anyone but me. Someday I'll scan the pages of my diary and put it on it's own blog. Once I finally got past being sad about reading it I had so much fun reading it all this morning and reflecting on my childhood years.

At one point I say "my parents have to realize they can't just start making up rules when their kids are teenagers". Crossing fingers I hang onto that for my kiddos, lol.

Something else that struck me - my parents started a parenting class when I was TWELVE. Seriously?! They'd already had two teenagers before me and my older sister. I'm not one to judge, because I haven't been through it twice, but really, shouldn't they have been doing those kind of classes beforehand? On top of that, it was an Ezzo class. Horrific and all about black and white.

Another thing that struck me is Christmas day when I was eight - I don't even mention that it's Christmas. We go to the beach and I talk about how much I love the beach, but we didn't celebrate Christmas at that time in my family. I did mention the day before that "I will remember Christmas Eve in the '89 as yuk!" Interesting how Christmas was still a good day to me, even with no mention of Christmas.

I end the diary three days after I have Justinbustin with a letter to him about his future. I read it to him the other day while letting him steer the car from the passenger's seat going sixty mph down the highway. When I was done reading he says, "That was the best moment of my life for two reasons." I said, "Because you were driving down the highway at sixty mph?" and he says with a grin, "Yes, and you reading that to me." Heart melts.

That's all the thoughts I have for now that I thought of as I read it and wanted to remember.

Almost thinking of making this post private. But oh well. They are me. And right now I feel like I am writing like my darn thirteen and fourteen year old self again except for that last paragraph! Like how you can revert back to being a child when you're around your parents. Brings up so many memories like they were yesterday!!

Fun New Site: Fashonify

Marriage

The local morning talk show had a discussion this morning about marriage. One of the DJs was stating his marriage was mediocre. That there was nothing magical about it. He called his wife to confirm honestly, and she agreed. He started off by asking her if she'd rather be in a mediocre marriage or single. She said a mediocre marriage. They went on to discuss it and she mentions he's acting like it's a take it or leave it marriage. He explains he's not, it's just that there is nothing spectacular or amazing or magical about their marriage. She jokingly replies everyone on facebook has amazing marriages. He laughs, and says facebook isn't real life and you can't judge anything by facebook, and they go on to joke back and forth about how they have a mediocre house, not amazing but good, mediocre cars, not amazing but they work, mediocre looks, not amazing but they get by. They joke about their first date nine years ago today and she says, "It was mediocre." Then, he says she has a spectacular chest and there is nothing mediocre about it. She ends the conversation saying, "Have an okay day." They both laugh and say, "I love you."

I disagree. If you can have that kind of conversation and still love each other and laugh, you have something magical.

It all got me to thinking about my marriage and thinking if I have something magical. I do. When we can connect on the level we have been, it's magical. That *is* the magic. Being able to go through a rough patch together and come out on the other end laughing, snuggling, and talking.

Last night, I was SO cranky. I was just irritable. But when I stopped for dinner for the boys on the way home, Brando told me what they wanted, and then I asked what he wanted. He said nothing, but I love you. I bought him a coke any way, because he loves those. And when I got home, he recognized that even though I knew I was being irritable it wasn't with him, it just was. And he hugged me and spent time with me talking to me and asking about my day and what was getting to me, just like I needed. That is magical to me.

Our real life magical conversations:

 Love using Siri to vent. It comes out completely grammatically incorrect, but it gets it all out without stressing over every word.

 Yes, he really can't pick up when he has customers coming in and out, and tellers he needs to approve transactions with. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't stick it out with him in real estate so we could have our own schedule, but then I look at where our relationship is and wonder if we would be here, or even together at all, if I had stuck it out. And so I pray one day we can go back to having our own schedule, even if it means more hours on the other hand. In the meantime, I am so, so, so grateful for our relationship and this amazing man.

He had bought me a new case for my iPhone, which made it too close to the size of the old iPhone. I'm sticking with my iFrogz he bought me before that makes my phone SO tiny just like it is and loving it. And, yes, I've dropped it at least five times and the phone is perfect. Case is scratched only on the corners, but that's the point. Also, he thinks his car makes him have allergic reactions. The trunk leaks and I believe mold has grown back there. Think it makes me allergic, too. Finally, have you heard of those videos Sh*t People Say? They have a perfect one for Sh*t Austinites Say. The link I sent him was for Sh*t _____ Say, but he hadn't seen the others first. Oops.

 Here's where we had an irritable, cranky conversation over the phone with each other after his, "SERIOUSLY? Shit. Ok. I'll figure something out." where I was like, "Chill. I can bring them something on the way home. Why are you freaking out?" ...my irritation had gotten to him and I realized it. Thus, the asking what he wanted and the coke I brought home for him.

And I came home to my beautiful flowers on my island, a "you love me" from him after I gave him his coke, and a shower together where he asked me questions until I got it all out. As Allison would say, I love this man. That is magical to me.

Sidenote: Have you ever listened to the lyrics of Your Body Is a Wonderland by John Mayer? It's all about making love all day in a hotel room. Yeah. I just realized that. Up until that point, it was a song I totally would've left playing in the background with my boys in the car or house. I must've thought wonderland was like playing in clouds with rainbows. Not a sex land. Now I love the song in a *different* way ;) .

My Mixed Nut

Reading about Allison's man walking in the door and surprising her made me think about all the little surprises Brando has done lately. Think it might have a little to do with this. And this. And this. (those are going to link to all those texting posts of ours when I get back...)

For now, here's my beautiful flowers - the little one from a date we had where I wanted to stop by Whole Foods and he surprised me at the register with these. The taller one from when he got home from work after stopping by Costco on the way home to pick up steaks for dinner (that he also cooked). Heart.

Best girls' night EVER.

No TV watching.

Chocolate martinis.

Chocolate espresso shots from Mexico.

LOTS of laughing.

Voxer (walkie talkie texting).

Sckoozie jokes (a mitten that's a koozie that we perverted).

Salty indigestion tea jokes that we also perverted.

So many laughs my stomach hurt.

I love, love, LOVE my girls.

And I love, love, LOVE girls' night.

Thank GOD it's back.

A month on a break was too effen long.

Thank you God for my girls.

Seriously.

We can TALK to our effen TV.

I feel like I'm living in an episode of Popular Science here.

Utilizing Shawner's Xbox Kinect all we have to say is "Xbox. Play." and it plays. "Xbox. Pause." and it pauses. It's like frickin' magic not even having to lift a finger to pick up the remote.

Da-ang.

It's O-over

Robotics.

Finally.

It's over.

We had our invitational championships on Saturday and it was a BLAST of a twelve hour day. I'm not being sarcastic. Yes, the day was so very long, but this time, compared to the regionals qualifier, the team was able to play outside any time they were waiting between practicing and judging. Made things so much more relaxing for us coaches even when the parents weren't allowed in the team area with us, and let the kids get out all their energy all day.

The kids had a dance party (SO cute) before the closing ceremonies and all got medals.

We walked away fully satisfied we'd put our hearts into it, a little sad we didn't get a recognition this time like we had when we walked away with first place core values last time, and so very relieved we get a little break. Well, the coach, I, and most of the team.

Justinbustin could keep going and going, which makes me laugh. He was the only one who wanted to meet every day (we didn't - we were going on burn out enough) leading up to the tournament, and I'm pretty sure the only one who wants to meet every week now that it's over.

We'll meet once more this week to take inventory, then celebrate on Sunday.

And it's over.

For this year.

Yes, I signed up next year. Actually, I sort of got signed up for next year by way of default again.

At least we'll sort of know what we're doing this time. Smile.

Sidenote: Brando, after telling me he threw out the cream cheese from the tournament 'cause it sat out too long, shouts from the shower, "If it makes you feel any better, every day I'm shuffling."

I Love

Shaping My Eyebrows

Today, I set out on a mission to shape my eyebrows. After reading Yelp reviews on the best eyebrow shaper in the city who uses solely tweezers, I figured I could do it myself. After two hours of video watching, tweezing, drawing, removing said drawing, redrawing, photos, photoshopping photos, and retweezing with more redrawing, I am really, really pleased with my results. In the past when I have tried to shape my own brows I have always ended up with that 'ugh' moment where I went too far to create any sort of shape. Not so much, this time. Apparently, that's how much it works it takes when you're not an expert on these things and creating the process for yourself. At least for me. But see for yourself in the end product.

First, I found this video on shaping your eyebrows like a celebrity from Bobbe Joy, celebrity esthetician.

Perfect for me, because it outlined all the tools I'd need, as well as how to use them. Only, I didn't have all the tools. So I improvised. You don't have to use the tools I improvised with, I only show them to show they can be improvised with hopefully fancier tools than mine.

I used Shadowbox's midnight brown (the bottom right color) cream eyeliner from their Brow Tech & Cream Eye Liner Palette for my eyebrow pencil,

with a Sephora angled brow/liner brush,

scissors with tiny pointy ends and straight edges from Costco (the smallest ones below),

and my favorite Revlon slant tip tweezers that have served me well for years.

Next, I went to work drawing the straight, parallel lines and the sloping triangle like she talked about. Unfortunately, I don't have the best before shot of my unruly brows that I had let grow out since my last wax two weeks ago that left me $30 more broke, completely broken out, and slightly disappointed in the results. This shot is from a video I took yesterday via Photo Booth, thus the poor quality and awkward position.

After drawing and redrawing several times, I was satisified with the results, but not completely happy. They looked slightly uneven and I didn't know how to fix it. And, no, I had no makeup on. Thank goodness for Aperture's skin smoothing tool to somewhat save the day.

A little more web searching brought me to this awesome site from Veet where you can upload a photo of yourself and try out different eyebrows. It took me two tries to get the eyebrow placement just right to where it covered up my eyebrows but left my eyes open. Out of all the eyebrows, I was happiest with number fifteen best. Even though the photo looks crazy ridiculous and kinda scary with how dark the eyebrows are and way too small for my face, it still gave me a sense of what shape works with my face and opens up my eyes. Number fifteen seemed to fit my natural arch and open up my eyes without me looking surprised (you can see how bad my skin really is right now in this photo mostly from said botched waxing job two weeks ago- I couldn't believe how high up she went on my forehead even after I told her I was sensitive. Unfortunately, I'm over uploading it to smooth out the skin with Aperture right now).

Once I found the brows I liked I saved the photo and analyzed why I liked it more than the shaping I had just done on my eyebrows. Turns out, I liked the evenness of the two. I realized I needed to thin the part closest to my inner brow on my right eyebrow just a bit more. Just to make sure I wasn't going off a crazy I couldn't look like that any way photo, I uploaded my own photo to Aperture and photoshopped the tweezing I was thinking of doing.

Seemed to look good in the photoshopped version on me, so I went ahead and redrew my parallel lines and went to work. Ta-dah! The unphotoshopped version,

except for that face saving skin smoothing. I am SO happy with the results! And I am out no money to boot. Quite a process, but at least now I have it written down so I can do it again.

Here is the after shaping but before refining photo on the left, and the after refining photo on the right so the difference is more obvious.

So, they're still not perfect. I am happy with them, though, and even happier to not show up looking like Chewbacca at an event this Saturday.

For the record, I'm not really sure if *ANY*one cares about this but me, but I wanted to document the process for next time I want to do this! Oh, and the final result is without any filling in with brow powder, which I normally do. They'll look even better with that, but I've always been a fan of making sure my eyebrows look good without any kind of fill in powder or pencil first.

Update: Here are two before photos with filled in brows. I'm almost embarrassed to show the second one, but oh well, after seeing a fantabulous ugly faces post I'm pretty sure I won't be embarrassed about posting ugly faces photos from now on ;) .

And here is a filled in after photo from tonight (also, totally found a new way to do my hair - this is a result of taking out a combination of the sock bun and top knot at the end of the night after only having it in three hours - LOVE it):

And a side by side before, after, and before photo (just so you can compare the after to each before). Love how it makes my eyes look even again. For awhile there, my eyes looked all wonky! I thought it was me, but I guess it was more the eyebrows. Even Brando loves them. He says they look all symmetrical and he loooves symmetry ;) .

Oils for your Face aka Inexpensive, Natural Moisturizers

So, I've been experimenting with moisturizing my face. Up until this point I have always been super bad about putting any kind of moisturizer on my face. Now, I realize I can't take my skin for granted, especially when I abuse it with oxygen blocking makeup, picking my skin, and washing it once, sometimes twice, daily even with gentle Jason's Organics soap.

So my fail safe? Go natural. As natural as I can get, which, in this case, is a pure oil. For the past six months or so I've been using Central Market organic olive oil which has been fantastic. Doesn't clog me up or break me out, and keeps me moisturized all day. The only exceptions having nothing to do with the olive oil, is when I eat too much chocolate, stress out over a situation, or pick at my face too much usually from those stressful situations. The nice thing is I don't break out horribly from my period anymore, which is an unexpected and very grateful for benefit.

I've been wanting to experiment with other oils just for variety. The other day I picked up NOW's Sweet Almond Oil for $4 at my local grocery store, HEB.

The reviews and results of which I LOVEd. The texture is so lovely and silky, making my skin feel the same. However, when I woke up after day two with "the crack" as I like to call it highly visible. For me, "the crack" is the space between my eyebrows - I first started noticing the vertical wrinkle after my first year of school combined with living in no man's land of which I cried nearly every day, and hard. Hells no, I slapped that olive oil right back on as fast as I could which has kept "the crack" at bay for the last six months until I recently started furrowing my brows to play Words with Friends and Hanging with Friends on my iPhone combined with experimenting with this sweet almond oil. *hangs head in shame*

On to experiment number two, Rose Hip oil. I originally wanted to try jojoba oil. However, after my initial research for "jojoba oil for wrinkles", "sweet almond oil for wrinkles", and "oil for wrinkles" I came across Rose Hip oil. The rave reviews were so mesmerizing, when we drove by Whole Foods later I couldn't help but stop and pick some up. The version I found at Whole Foods actually has Vitamin E oil in it as well for $10.

Not sure yet if that's a good thing or not. When I stopped by HEB later, they had a pure essential oil version for $10 as well. May pick that up if I don't see as good as results as I'm wanting from this one. After night one, though, I woke up without "the crack" visible at. all. Good sign! My skin is a little puffy in the morning, though, so I reapplied just to make sure it didn't appear later. The other thing I noticed, and this may be tmi, is every blemish rose to the surface, making it easy to clear out. Also, anything that I'd irritated and inflamed by picking at it was less irritated and inflamed than the evening before, when it's usually just the opposite when I wake up in the morning. So far, so good.

Next up, if need be, is the pure Rosehip Essential Oil from HEB, then on to Apricot Oil, Jojoba Oil, Avocado Oil, whatever oils I can find and the elusive and oh-so-expensive Sandalwood Oil. There was a FIFTY-TWO dollar teeny tiny bottle of it at HEB, making me wonder what kind of wonders it may perform, or not perform.

The great thing about using pure, natural oils that I have discovered through my research is that they provide enough moisturization for your face that it stops overproducing oil as it has in the past. Not sure if this is true or not, but my own theory is that, one, God created it so it has to be good for you, number two, is that a pure, natural oil lets your own skin breathe and therefore keeps you from breaking out, and three, that since it doesn't have a big marketing scheme behind it trying to push it, it probably is more building and healthy for your skin than a chemical product. Also, I can't justify spending bajillions of dollars on chemicals for my face that will just end up breaking me out.

One site I have found helpful for reviews on different pure, natural products is makeupalley.com, although, I have to say, I have found googling the ingredient I am searching for along with the term "makeup alley" has given me more luck on finding what I need than using makeupalley's direct search box. Strange. If you set up an account with makeup alley, add me to your favorites.

Oh, and next step in skin care? Get the Clarisonic Mia. I'm debating returning my $150 of just bought Sephora makeup that I LOVE in a fakes it so well I feel pretty again way for the Mia so it's actually not fake and I can buy a less heavy, more natural makeup that will look just as good as the doesn't feel heavy but is cover it all up makeup does now.

Whole Foods Bath Bomb

OH MY GOODNESS. This may be too tmi but my body is SOOOOO soft today after soaking in that bath bomb bathtub water for two and a half hours Friday evening. Before I realized it was from Whole Foods I made Brando let me see the ingredient list because the fragrance was SO powerful I thought it might be some artificial fragrance laden bath bomb that would break me out and give me an infection 'there'. The ingredient list immediately made me look forward to my bath including one 'jojoba oil'.

I wish I could remember the rest of the ingredients, but no worries as I will be getting another one. Even at $4.99 a piece, it's so worth it for a once a month luxury soak.

Reason #million and one Why I Love My Hubby

He learns how to be a better father from Dog The Bounty Hunter.

Yes. The TV show about a bounty hunter and his bondsman wife who walks around in a leather vest and no shirt and a long blonde mullet, with the wife with her bleach blonde hair, gigantor chest stuffed into her shirts, and loads of makeup, who both walk around with every other word being bleeped on occasion. The one who has a felony on his record, and who almost every member of his family has spent time in jail.

That is the show my husband learns how to be a better father from.

Why?

Not because he sees the above, which is ALL anybody else sees, including my grandma "who hates that white trash show where all they do is cuss", and including me who hears the bleep, bleep, bleep and sees what I described above and wonders why my husband, who only watches shows where the main character in them chooses to do the rights, is actually watching this.

And then he tells me.

He tells me how Dog, the bounty hunter, explains that when he goes to heaven he's going to ask God who it is He wanted him to talk to, and Dog feels like God is going to hold up the list of his bonds men and say, "These people." He tells me how his family prays together, how Dog sees the good in every person, regardless of where they are and where they've been.

And then I remember the umpteenth millionth reason I love my husband, and also one of the first reasons: he sees people's hearts. He sees what's on the inside, and treats every person the same. Much like I imagine God looks at our hearts, not what's on the outside. This love, this respect that my husband has for other people makes me want to be a better person. Makes *me* want to see people's hearts, not just what's on the outside like I tend to do.

How he describes things like this where he sees so far beyond where I have, so beyond what I realize is possible, gives me a breathless awe feeling of him and how grateful I am to God for blessing me with this man in my life.

And then, as I'm typing those last few words, he gets into a tiff with Shawners because Shawners is acting exactly like he does some times... assuming he KNOWS the answer, or what you are going to say before you've said it. LOL. Ah, life. I love it.

Private vs public... Blogging

Just realized during my two hours awake this morning that the moment I go public with my blog to people in real life I don't know through my blog, it ceases to be a diary and becomes a public forum. Perhaps that is what I feel happened to PSD when what I really love is a diary.

Saturday mornings

Brando and I have the hardest time sleeping in on the weekends during he school year. Like clockwork we're semi-awake from 5am-7am and wide awake at 7am.

This morning, Brando finally gives in and goes to play a new game in the living room with Shawners. I come out and cuddle up on the couch. He finishes making us coffee - his with sugar and cream, mine with cream. A few minutes later he comes up next to me and cuddles under the same blanket. I say how sweet it is of him to do that and he goes, "I know how things work." Love that man!! (as Allison would say :)

Aaaaand Done!

Done reading the book AND watching the movie

in less than thirteen hours that is, including picking up the boys from school at two different times, running an errand, talking to mommies at pickup, as well as a filet mignon and sauteed broccoli dinner made and served by my hubby along with a bubble bath he made with an all natural Whole Foods bath bomb

for me to watch my movie in.

Exactly the day I needed.

What my cranky week needs

Shit.

May've just totally put my foot in my mouth.

Sometimes I send "helpful information" out of my own experience that is kind of offensive if the person doesn't see anything in what they are doing.

(I just did that to my bestie was what I was *going to say* before the below happened)

Aaaand cue the reassuring bestie letter in return to my stumbling apologies for dumping that information on her in a FACEBOOK message of all venues. What is it about a bestie that you can show them your very worst uncaring oops that was effen careless side of you and they still forgive you, love you, and treat you like gold? Kind of like a husband. What a blessing in this world that can be so harsh. Ironically, she did the same thing to her boy today. Just like us to both learn the same lesson on the same day. FB messages = not good for anything but lightheartedness. Heavy subjects on personal issues = talked about in person and NOT written down until they're talked out!! Doh.

Update 1/15/2012: FINALLY was able to talk to my hubby about this last night in vague terms without any specifics. Drove me literally CRAZY not being able to talk to him about it. Literally. I spent all day in bed reading and watching the Help and the next day being so cranky I snapped at the drop of a hat and then cried when Brando would mention it had to do with what had gone on with KT, which was the truth, I just kept not realizing how much it was affecting me until he reminded me.  He kept pushing because he realized how much it was affecting me and I realized how I could talk about it to him without saying the specifics of what started the issue. Amazing man that he is and the words that he had to say, resolved the situation almost immediately. As I wrote a friend in an email: "He has such a good view on things that it resolved the situation almost immediately when I repeated what he had said to her. She actually hadn't been mad at all, but things had felt awkward and she said what I needed to hear to realize things were okay after that."

2:36 to 2:45 is my story until Brando. He understood 2:16 to 2:19.

READ AFTER YOU'VE DONE THE ABOVE

Did you do it? Okay, good. 'Cause I had a revelation after I did it. The first four words I saw? Passionate, dramatic, angry, and depressed. You think I'm kidding. I thought I was kidding. I'm not. So, of course, I dismissed it as trivial and these things aren't really true, any way. Until I started playing that certain little addictive iPhone app and noticed all my words I choose or thought first to choose are along the lines of "pain, tears, yoke, rum, phony, snit". Attractive. So I've been purposefully retraining myself to choose positive words even if it'd be a better word to choose a negative word. It must be working because I just looked at this again before I posted it and the first four words I saw were passionate, thoughtful, eloquent, restless. I'll take that. I am restless. Also, I noticed it as "wrestless" which isn't an actual word. Maybe it means I'm learning to wrestle with my restlessness and train it into a much more positive aspect. Either way, it's one of the things I'm learning to embrace about me and my passion. Bam!

Oh my gosh. This song is SO PERFECT for severed friendships. The ones you don't want to let go, but have to. The ones this quote is for:

Source: facebook.com via Rose on Pinterest

All top knotted up

 

from here 

I love that Brando said I looked glamourous, and ready to go downtown.

My morning fuel

Peaceful

Glass of wine at 10am? Yes, please. If only it wouldn't give me a headache I would actually have one.