Centers me

Just what I needed

Fun night out with the girls at one of their new houses where another announced she is pregnant with her second and I met a new girl. The original two I've been meeting up with since February when one of the girls and I met at Anni's bday dinner and realized we had a mutual friend (thanks, fb!). I have been meaning to get together with that mutual friend forEVER so we made her our excuse to get together. We've done three or four nights out and now one of the girls who had been looking for a house forever found her house and we celebrated her and her boyfriend buying it tonight. I looked around tonight and couldn't believe I found another group of girls that I enjoy hanging out with so much. I am so, so blessed. This was exactly the kind of night I needed.

Text to my bestie

I'm retreating into myself my own little hole. I feel lost. I feel unnecessary. Maybe I'm PMSing but I can't stand feeling this way
I think I'm doing this because now I'm having to deal with a relationship I've decided I don't want to be a part of anymore with that mom and I can't do it easily by avoidance like I've been able to in the past since Shawners is in her sons class now
Yes that's why I'm breaking down. I dont know how to get out of a relationship where I have to see the person every day and still have my friend be friends with their kid.

I am SO lost.

Life

Ugh. Can't get to sleep. SO busy the next few weeks I don't even have time to see my girlfriend Jen since I've been home. I've seen her consistently every other week this summer and I miss her. And I haven't gotten to see Mai since I've been back which is breaking my heart because she leaves again soon. I am going to have to remind myself to take the hours the boys are in school to relax and play because the hours they are out are going to be crazy driving them or I places.

I'm meeting with a few friends tomorrow that I'd rather kinda ditch. This is going to sound bitchy but they're new relationships and I just don't have the energy for it right now. Love them just not enough energy to tread water until we get to know each other better.

We ended up switching Shawners teacher. The principal called after I emailed her issues Shawners had with the teacher and class chosen for him, ones that drive him to tears. I didn't ask for him to switch just wanted them to be aware of the issues if they became a problem. Still, they gave him the option when she called. The best teacher wasn't available and the rest are all on the same crappy level including the one chosen for him in the first place. Shawners ended up choosing Justinbustin's fifth grade teacher because his two good friends are in there and he's familiar with the teacher. Oh and only one trouble kid is in there that he's aware of, not two. I have to keep reminding myself on a stress level of 1 to 10 I'm at a 2 with this new class arrangement. With the first one I was at a 10. Still it's enough to keep me up all night and wonder if I did the right thing by switching him.

More but I should try and get some sleep if I can.

Update: Turns out there's not one, not two, but FOUR trouble kids in here. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck. Which has basically been my day. The two kids Shawners *thought* was in the other class are actually in here, there's a super annoying kid that's always bugging us on the walk to our car - think there might be something up with him, and a kid that's not too great of a kid that lives in our neighborhood. There are a LOOOOTTTTT of lessons to be learned here. I just don't want to learn them right now.

School

My heart is breaking for my little fourth grader to be all grown up this year in fifth grade. Been through this phase once before, doesn't make it any easier. Fortunately, coming out on the other end a caring, responsible leader makes everything worth it. So hard to see when you're in the midst.

Grrr

Created jet lag by forcing myself to stay up later than I wanted last night then sleeping in too late today! Sigh. Waking up early tomorrow will take care of it but leads to an exhausting day. Hmmm.

Quiet Cali

Strange being home and not posting a thing on Facebook about it. Strangely quiet and relaxing. Accidentally allowed an fb post that calls me out being here but don't think it will show up in many new feeds. Not seeing my sister that's closest in age this time around which with her five kids is sometimes a whirlwind. Not from me not telling her but from our crazy schedule. I'm slightly sad but, get this, they've been dealing with the lice issue so I'm happy to not be worried about it again even on a small scale.

Will see my brother tomorrow at my nephews birthday party. He asked about me being in Cali when I posted Cali pics from May a few weeks ago.

I seriously think I'm avoiding posting anything because I don't want all the guilt of not being able to see everybody once again. There is not ever enough time to see friends and barely enough time to see and spend quality time with family, plus take the trips that we can only take out here.

Heck Brandon and I haven't even had time to go off on our own these last few trips although we desperately need it.

Any ways. Strange, quiet feeling. Unfortunately I still have that underlying guilt - although now its because I just haven't told people we're here instead of not being able to fit in the schedule to see them.

Law of Attraction

Nowhere else but on a plane can you notice the law of attraction regardless of sex more - where people sit themselves by like looking, no doubt assuming like minded, people.

Life has been SO busy!!

So many good things. Time for an Allison bullet post?

*Deleted Facebook off my phone. LOVE. Thanks to motivation by Cecilia whose inspiring email I still need to take a moment to dig deep enough to reply to. I do wish there was an only me Facebook I could still check into and record moments on without the distraction of shallowly surfing other people's lives.

*Packing!!!! Wheeeee!!!!!! Okay actually I'm NOT packing but I'm supposed to be and I'm positive I'll be up the wee hours the night before ironing everything like I religiously do before a trip because it feels sooooo good to feel like I walked out of a store with a just purchased outfit on.

*My oldest baby!!! Volunteering at his youth group camp because he prioritized other camps and didn't want to use any of his money or sponsorships towards this camp yet he still finds a way to go. According to him, he's having more fun than if he was part of camp - no schedule, canoeing, swimming, team games, hanging with his cousin and aunt who are also volunteering. His aunt being the reason he gets this awesome opportunity to volunteer in the first place. So excited for him and happy to adjust our trip time so he can be there as he suggested so we could still do both and not have to cancel the trip.

*Shawners first sleepover!!! At his friends eleventh birthday party. They all trekked to Schlitterbahn for the day then stayed up til 1:30 yapping and woke up to cinnamon rolls and playing minecraft with three of his closest friends, Konnor, Cale, and Grason. Sounds like a perfect eleven year old birthday party to me.

*Brando. Oh Brando. So much stress. I am crossing fingers this vacay is good for him but also incredibly nervous. He had one person hand in their two weeks cause they couldn't handle the sales environment and hired on a new person he's still figuring out how to work with. Crossing fingers he gets a new person who's interested in the job who is nothing but positive and has positive effects!

*Me. Trying to distract myself in every way possible from packing. Including blogging apparently :) . Simultaneously scheduling three different trips and several different trips within those trips, meanwhile organizing the rob*tics team for the year and cultivating volunteers for both rob*tics and a whole slew of volunteer photograh*rs for yearbook this year. THAT one leaves me super nervous. Fortunately, as chair I already have someone signed on as organizer who should get back from vacay as soon as I leave, ha, and a photographer for every grade level except kindergarten. Crossing fingers we get the kindergarten grade photographer next week during kinder camp.

So that's life!! A part of it any way. So excited for the upcoming months!!

Yay

For this PMS not being quite so bad. It still hit pretty hard PMS wise but only the night before and once during. And bleeding is back to normal.