Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Always happens after California
So explains exactly where I'm at right now. I'm thinking Orange County? Hawaii? We've talked about Hawaii since the first time we went together. I'm on board... for a year.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Relief
Thank God for childhood best friends that set the record straight. After an hour of her talking and every single thing she said relating to me, after myself only saying one sentence, and nothing else, "It seems like the more time I spend with family, the more drama there is."
Her points which I LOVE and completely agree with are:
*Nobody should be a punching bag for family for their feelings about other people - the second she said this I realized this is exactly what I am for my sister and what a HUGE relief to not have to be that anymore
*If anybody has to ask me for advice to figure out how to live their life something is wrong - this is exactly what I felt like I was for my sister the one she came to when shit hit the fan and turned her back around
*Take time for myself without friends an hour a week, twenty minutes a day, to just be outside my house, not meeting a friend, not doing anything for anyone, just being with myself. This is such a foreign concept I can't even fathom the thought, but definitely sounds wonderful and something I'd like to do
*Without me saying ANYthing about my sister since she is friends with my sister as well, she brought up that my sister lives through her best friend's single girlfriends eyes, and has told her so, and that she needs to be grateful for the husband and kids she has, and that she's not supportive of somebody who may have that
All this made me feel SO MUCH better and realize my relationship with my sister was actually a huge energy suck. The only time we spoke lately was when she had something to vent about how horrible her husband and kids or someone in our family is - the punching bag thing. And I generally don't vent to her, especially about family issues. Speaking of the punching bag thing, she doesn't ever have nice things to say about Brando so I've always had to overcome her name calling or derogatory comments about him when I used to value her opinion so highly. This is also another HUGE relief to be free from.
Overall, I felt so relieved after talking to my childhood best friend. I realized this could actually be a very good thing and allow me some of my energy back for my family. Brando has already noticed and mentioned about how he likes me better lately. Could be vacation, too, but it only happened after I spoke with Kami, so who knows.
Today I'm having a bad day but I can't say why til tomorrow. Regardless, that's the only reason I'm here today to finally write this down and remind myself so maybe that's a good thing!
Her points which I LOVE and completely agree with are:
*Nobody should be a punching bag for family for their feelings about other people - the second she said this I realized this is exactly what I am for my sister and what a HUGE relief to not have to be that anymore
*If anybody has to ask me for advice to figure out how to live their life something is wrong - this is exactly what I felt like I was for my sister the one she came to when shit hit the fan and turned her back around
*Take time for myself without friends an hour a week, twenty minutes a day, to just be outside my house, not meeting a friend, not doing anything for anyone, just being with myself. This is such a foreign concept I can't even fathom the thought, but definitely sounds wonderful and something I'd like to do
*Without me saying ANYthing about my sister since she is friends with my sister as well, she brought up that my sister lives through her best friend's single girlfriends eyes, and has told her so, and that she needs to be grateful for the husband and kids she has, and that she's not supportive of somebody who may have that
All this made me feel SO MUCH better and realize my relationship with my sister was actually a huge energy suck. The only time we spoke lately was when she had something to vent about how horrible her husband and kids or someone in our family is - the punching bag thing. And I generally don't vent to her, especially about family issues. Speaking of the punching bag thing, she doesn't ever have nice things to say about Brando so I've always had to overcome her name calling or derogatory comments about him when I used to value her opinion so highly. This is also another HUGE relief to be free from.
Overall, I felt so relieved after talking to my childhood best friend. I realized this could actually be a very good thing and allow me some of my energy back for my family. Brando has already noticed and mentioned about how he likes me better lately. Could be vacation, too, but it only happened after I spoke with Kami, so who knows.
Today I'm having a bad day but I can't say why til tomorrow. Regardless, that's the only reason I'm here today to finally write this down and remind myself so maybe that's a good thing!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Drama
So I realize I don't post the happy here - most of the time. I do that on my Facebook "Only Me" feed. Sorry!!!!! I wish there was an option to post to Blogger as well. Posting to "Only Me" is SO easy and I have an instant record of my happy without having the world know.
All that to say, a warning for drama so be forewarned. And if you keep reading please realize I need advice on this one. I'm lost. I don't know what the heck I am doing to cause such volatile reactions in my family.
*Scene 1:
My grandmas - Brando, the kids, my sister, and I have arrived at her home in Arizona for Christmas. A few days later we go to pick up my parent's from the airport excited to see them and spend time with them. My Mom mentions she doesn't have Christmas presents for the boys and suggests going to a big fishing sports store - Bass Pro maybe - for their Christmas presents. Perfect idea as they needed backpacking camping gear! We spend a few hours shopping when my oldest sister starts texting me asking when we'll be back. I let her know what we're up to and she says my Grandma is getting pissed. We finally get back and my Grandma hugs me and says over my shoulder, "You selfish little brat." WTF moment number one.
How I resolved the issue:
I let her know what she said REALLY hurt my feelings. I asked her if she really meant it. She said, no, of course she was joking and didn't mean to hurt me, and that she doesn't get to see her son very often. Talked things out. Situation resolved and moved on when my sisters, cousins, and I visited her in November for our annual girls' trip.
*Scene 2
My niece's birthday - My oldest sister and I fly from Texas to meet our other sister, my niece, and a few of my sister's friends for my niece's birthday weekend in San Francisco. My parents join us and eventually so does my cousin and her son. My cousin takes us on a "block or two" trek through the hills of San Francsico to find lunch when everybody is hungry and wants lunch now. Two blocks into it we can clearly see this is not going to be a "block or two" and everybody gets a little grouchy. Once we've walked twelve blocks or so, my cousin starts asking everyone where they want to eat when she had already mentioned she was heading to one place that had a "great bloody mary" for my other sister's husband. I am walking with my niece and make a comment to her that my cousin does not know how to deal with a large family and needs to talk to my other sister who is brave enough to make a decision for the whole family and risk everyone being pissed off at her. My niece falls back to walk with my other sister and her husband, unnoticed by me, and says she's upset that I'm talking bad about my cousin. WTF moment number two.
How I resolved the issue:
After countless hours of consulting with my other sister, I call my niece and apologize for what I said. I also let her know if she doesn't tell ME she's upset with me I have no way of knowing she's upset and no chance to resolve the issue. Conversation over.
*Scene 3
Fast forward six months - my cousins, sisters, and my other sister's daughter go to Arizona to visit my Grandma for our annual girls' trip. We have a BLAST and Facebook sees everything, and so does my niece. My niece texts me, "I hope you can forgive me so next time I can be included on family events." WTF moment number three.
How I resolved the issue:
Conference call with my sisters and one of our cousins to let my niece know not inviting her had nothing to do with me. I did take responsibility for saying, yes, perhaps my part of the decision to not invite her was partially influenced by not wanting a repeat of the previous scene and apologized for such. Ultimately, though, we decided to keep our girls' cousins' trip as exactly that - a girl cousin's trip. My other sister's daughter was included because she may not have come otherwise. My niece's parent wasn't included because he is our brother. Situation resolved and moved on when my niece and her brother met us for dinner two Saturday's ago while we were in Cali and had a blast laughing and talking with each other. Love her.
*Scene 4
My other sister - we meet my other sister and three of her kids at my favorite place for breakfast. My favorite place also has a gift shop we peruse while Brando and my mother-in-law watch her kids outside climbing trees. I buy my niece and two of my nephews small gifts since I don't buy them birthday gifts. We walk outside and my sister starts talking about her 13 year old's six pack and muscles. She asks and asks and asks him to show them off. Justinbustin uncomfortably stands nearby. I make a crack about how she's embarrassing her son, but she persists. We leave to go pick up my Mom then take our two oldest boys to surf. We pick up my Mom and my other sister's two youngest boys hop in our car next to Shawners, having a blast hanging with their older cousin. My other sister starts to take her oldest and Justinbustin and I call out "don't focus on looks" from the aforementioned scene. She turns around with her lips tight and her face about to explode and says, "I am LIVID right now." She then proceeds to yell at me for ten minutes in front of my kids, her kids, my mom and MIL, and Brando. Brando takes the boys and sits aside, my Mom has her hands over her ears, and I'm pretty sure my MIL sat quietly. I'm not exactly sure what she said, but from the texts and phone calls I made later her mentions included thinking I'm a mean person, I make mean comments to her in front of her kids, she hasn't liked me for ten years, and our relationship is not worth talking anything through. When she's done yelling she pulls her kids out of the car while they're begging and pleading to stay, and takes off saying she's done. This is when we begin to text and she eventually tells me she's at Capitola beach when we are already set up at Cowell's beach with Justinbustin's wetsuit and surfboard. In hindsight I am pissed off I did not pack up and take us all over there and put up with her, if nothing else to see her two other kids I did not get to see previously. This will be one of the only trips I haven't seen them and I am SO mad at myself I was too afraid of her not wanting me there to pick up and go. WTF moment number four.
How I resolved the issue:
Here's where you come in. My other sister is the one I'd usually go to resolve issues like this. Ironic. Here's what I've done so far - texted/called apologies over and over, mentioned over and over family is worth overcoming anything to me and always has been, tried to hear her out finally said I was getting irrational and needed to stop talking, then didn't call her back. I realize she's being irrational from dealing with her own family drama the week before (her six year old told her "just send us to juvi already") evident through the yelling at me in front of her kids and my kids, and through dramatic facebook posts following the event. Nothing direct, only passive comments addressing the situation. You might've seen the "Mom!!! John won't let me have the ball!!!" post on my wall. Finally, today, I texted her a nasty text saying I realized I am the only one who cares about seeing her kids and having my kids hang out with her kids and how pissed I am I didn't pick up and come to Capitola beach and put up with her to see my other niece and nephew, then threw the mean comments back in her face letting her know mean is yelling at someone in front of your and their kids for ten minutes. Mean is not letting her kids see their cousin's who they get to see maybe twice a year. That's where I'm at. Emotionally, I'm okay because truly she's being a bitch. But I am also me which means I want to FIX it and I don't know how the heck how. WHAT do I do to resolve this?!
Also, do you see a pattern here? Is there anything else I do you've noticed on facebook or in person that might piss people off? Piss true friends and family off, not petty acquaintances I hardly know. Please be brutally honest because I am at such a loss as to what is going on that I don't know where to turn or how to fix it.
All that to say, a warning for drama so be forewarned. And if you keep reading please realize I need advice on this one. I'm lost. I don't know what the heck I am doing to cause such volatile reactions in my family.
*Scene 1:
My grandmas - Brando, the kids, my sister, and I have arrived at her home in Arizona for Christmas. A few days later we go to pick up my parent's from the airport excited to see them and spend time with them. My Mom mentions she doesn't have Christmas presents for the boys and suggests going to a big fishing sports store - Bass Pro maybe - for their Christmas presents. Perfect idea as they needed backpacking camping gear! We spend a few hours shopping when my oldest sister starts texting me asking when we'll be back. I let her know what we're up to and she says my Grandma is getting pissed. We finally get back and my Grandma hugs me and says over my shoulder, "You selfish little brat." WTF moment number one.
How I resolved the issue:
I let her know what she said REALLY hurt my feelings. I asked her if she really meant it. She said, no, of course she was joking and didn't mean to hurt me, and that she doesn't get to see her son very often. Talked things out. Situation resolved and moved on when my sisters, cousins, and I visited her in November for our annual girls' trip.
*Scene 2
My niece's birthday - My oldest sister and I fly from Texas to meet our other sister, my niece, and a few of my sister's friends for my niece's birthday weekend in San Francisco. My parents join us and eventually so does my cousin and her son. My cousin takes us on a "block or two" trek through the hills of San Francsico to find lunch when everybody is hungry and wants lunch now. Two blocks into it we can clearly see this is not going to be a "block or two" and everybody gets a little grouchy. Once we've walked twelve blocks or so, my cousin starts asking everyone where they want to eat when she had already mentioned she was heading to one place that had a "great bloody mary" for my other sister's husband. I am walking with my niece and make a comment to her that my cousin does not know how to deal with a large family and needs to talk to my other sister who is brave enough to make a decision for the whole family and risk everyone being pissed off at her. My niece falls back to walk with my other sister and her husband, unnoticed by me, and says she's upset that I'm talking bad about my cousin. WTF moment number two.
How I resolved the issue:
After countless hours of consulting with my other sister, I call my niece and apologize for what I said. I also let her know if she doesn't tell ME she's upset with me I have no way of knowing she's upset and no chance to resolve the issue. Conversation over.
*Scene 3
Fast forward six months - my cousins, sisters, and my other sister's daughter go to Arizona to visit my Grandma for our annual girls' trip. We have a BLAST and Facebook sees everything, and so does my niece. My niece texts me, "I hope you can forgive me so next time I can be included on family events." WTF moment number three.
How I resolved the issue:
Conference call with my sisters and one of our cousins to let my niece know not inviting her had nothing to do with me. I did take responsibility for saying, yes, perhaps my part of the decision to not invite her was partially influenced by not wanting a repeat of the previous scene and apologized for such. Ultimately, though, we decided to keep our girls' cousins' trip as exactly that - a girl cousin's trip. My other sister's daughter was included because she may not have come otherwise. My niece's parent wasn't included because he is our brother. Situation resolved and moved on when my niece and her brother met us for dinner two Saturday's ago while we were in Cali and had a blast laughing and talking with each other. Love her.
*Scene 4
My other sister - we meet my other sister and three of her kids at my favorite place for breakfast. My favorite place also has a gift shop we peruse while Brando and my mother-in-law watch her kids outside climbing trees. I buy my niece and two of my nephews small gifts since I don't buy them birthday gifts. We walk outside and my sister starts talking about her 13 year old's six pack and muscles. She asks and asks and asks him to show them off. Justinbustin uncomfortably stands nearby. I make a crack about how she's embarrassing her son, but she persists. We leave to go pick up my Mom then take our two oldest boys to surf. We pick up my Mom and my other sister's two youngest boys hop in our car next to Shawners, having a blast hanging with their older cousin. My other sister starts to take her oldest and Justinbustin and I call out "don't focus on looks" from the aforementioned scene. She turns around with her lips tight and her face about to explode and says, "I am LIVID right now." She then proceeds to yell at me for ten minutes in front of my kids, her kids, my mom and MIL, and Brando. Brando takes the boys and sits aside, my Mom has her hands over her ears, and I'm pretty sure my MIL sat quietly. I'm not exactly sure what she said, but from the texts and phone calls I made later her mentions included thinking I'm a mean person, I make mean comments to her in front of her kids, she hasn't liked me for ten years, and our relationship is not worth talking anything through. When she's done yelling she pulls her kids out of the car while they're begging and pleading to stay, and takes off saying she's done. This is when we begin to text and she eventually tells me she's at Capitola beach when we are already set up at Cowell's beach with Justinbustin's wetsuit and surfboard. In hindsight I am pissed off I did not pack up and take us all over there and put up with her, if nothing else to see her two other kids I did not get to see previously. This will be one of the only trips I haven't seen them and I am SO mad at myself I was too afraid of her not wanting me there to pick up and go. WTF moment number four.
How I resolved the issue:
Here's where you come in. My other sister is the one I'd usually go to resolve issues like this. Ironic. Here's what I've done so far - texted/called apologies over and over, mentioned over and over family is worth overcoming anything to me and always has been, tried to hear her out finally said I was getting irrational and needed to stop talking, then didn't call her back. I realize she's being irrational from dealing with her own family drama the week before (her six year old told her "just send us to juvi already") evident through the yelling at me in front of her kids and my kids, and through dramatic facebook posts following the event. Nothing direct, only passive comments addressing the situation. You might've seen the "Mom!!! John won't let me have the ball!!!" post on my wall. Finally, today, I texted her a nasty text saying I realized I am the only one who cares about seeing her kids and having my kids hang out with her kids and how pissed I am I didn't pick up and come to Capitola beach and put up with her to see my other niece and nephew, then threw the mean comments back in her face letting her know mean is yelling at someone in front of your and their kids for ten minutes. Mean is not letting her kids see their cousin's who they get to see maybe twice a year. That's where I'm at. Emotionally, I'm okay because truly she's being a bitch. But I am also me which means I want to FIX it and I don't know how the heck how. WHAT do I do to resolve this?!
Also, do you see a pattern here? Is there anything else I do you've noticed on facebook or in person that might piss people off? Piss true friends and family off, not petty acquaintances I hardly know. Please be brutally honest because I am at such a loss as to what is going on that I don't know where to turn or how to fix it.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Ugh
Going in February is stressful. Going to miss something every time for sure but just found out Justinbustin is missing a pre uil concert for band. Annoying. Oh yeah and the super relaxed packing I thought we did so good on left us without three chargers and without two of my cute black and white flannel and print snow shirts. Ugh. Plus I got a pedicure this morning and went with safe turquoise which I did last fall which always puts me in a bad mood when I don't go with the bright punchy color I *really* want - this time it was orange/coral. At least I stopped back by and bought the color so I can change the color myself if I really want to. #firstworldproblems
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