Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Our Anniversary
Simple. Sweet. Perfect. A night at our favorite hotel in town, the Renaissance. A two-headed shower I had requested for our anniversary months ago and had forgotten about. Now we get to take showers each having our own shower head. Bliss. Set up a little better now than in this photo, too. Swimming with my sis, mom, nephew, niece, the boys, and Brando, in the big indoor hotel pool with a greenhouse glass ceiling, hot tub, and sauna. Pink ice roses and chocolate delivered to my room after everybody had left for the night. Lots of night time fun. TMI side note I am soooooo much more relaxed when out of the house - even with the kids asleep I'm always on edge if I hear a noise and making sure everything is locked and double locked. Hotels are fun. Perfect quiet celebration. Twelve years. Feels like yesterday and forever all at the same time. Mostly like yesterday.
Oh, and my Mom and I did that peacock puzzle while my parents were visiting. Took us all weekend and staying up late the night before they left. Too much fun. Our intent is to tape it so Shawners can put the puzzle on his wall as his cousin-in-law's brother with the same birthday gave it to him for his birthday. Oh, and peacocks are his favorite animal. Too bad it broke before we could do it. Now we have to fix it again. How did this become a tangaent about puzzles? I'm not sure but I've discovered I love puzzles. Relaxing :) .
Oh, and my Mom and I did that peacock puzzle while my parents were visiting. Took us all weekend and staying up late the night before they left. Too much fun. Our intent is to tape it so Shawners can put the puzzle on his wall as his cousin-in-law's brother with the same birthday gave it to him for his birthday. Oh, and peacocks are his favorite animal. Too bad it broke before we could do it. Now we have to fix it again. How did this become a tangaent about puzzles? I'm not sure but I've discovered I love puzzles. Relaxing :) .
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Sephora loot
Love the rewards program at Sephora. I've been saving my mass amount of points for one I actually want. Finally found the perfect one!
Happy place
If I could just keep this moment from yesterday in my pocket to pull out whenever I want, that'd be fantastic.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Conversations
Ever feel like you have a lesson you're supposed to learn for a particular year? I feel like my lesson this year is learning how to have tough conversations with people.
Example #1 - Conversation with my niece this past May after I heard third hand she was upset with me about a comment I had made and I was able to see how upset she had been in her body language, but didn't realize it was towards me. Conversation went okay, but we haven't talked or seen each other since.
Example #2 - Fast forward to after our AMAZING cousin's girls trip and said niece is hurt she wasn't invited. Reason being, it is a first cousin's girls trip with cousin's who did not grow up together and are attempting to get to know each other and we are going to protect that even when other people's feelings are hurt (i.e. my cousin's Mom, now our niece, etc.). My other niece DID come along because her Mom (a blood first cousin) would not have come without her. This was why her feelings ended up being hurt. Only, she blamed it all on me sending me a text saying I hope I'll forgive her so she can be included in family functions. WTF?! was basically my reaction. Took a four way conference conversation with her to tell her from four out of five cousins this had NOTHING to do with her and is a first cousin's only trip was the only reason she wasn't invited - not my Grandma not liking her Dad (her first thing she blamed it on), not me not forgiving her (the second thing she blamed it on), etc. Both my sister and I have a feeling it's not over with her especially when the third thing she blamed it on was during the conference call she mentioned something she heard I said about her really hurt her feelings but she didn't want to say what it was in front of anybody. Both my sister and I agree she was using this information to vaguely hold it over my head that it was still my fault. Fortunately, I encouraged her to say what it was - which was she'd heard I was afraid she would act like she did in May again and that's why she didn't get to go. Apparently, my sister had told her mom that and it had gotten back to her. I completely owned it, saying yes of course I'm apprehensive that could happen again, but that has NOTHING to do with her not coming. Later my sister told me she was so glad I owned it because she realized SHE was the one who said that and didn't realize it would come back to bite her in the ass because she told the Mom in confidence. Seriously ridiculous family drama this last year, but it's been interesting working through it and definitely a learning experience. Not just for family, but ALL of life!!
Example #3 - Had a conversation today with a Mom of one of Shawner's friends. Ironically, regarding a similar subject as #2. This friend and another friend have been "in their own little world" as Shawner's puts it, not even aware of people around them. I noticed it myself when I took Shawners to lunch the other day and he invited his two friends to join us at the courtyard. I dismissed it, though, thinking if Shawners can handle his friends doing that, more power to him. As soon as I got back from my trip, though, I noticed he was upset about something. When I asked him about what, this issue was his answer. My advice to him was to focus on other relationships for himself, and not talk about these friends with other friends behind their back but instead focus on building a relationship with the other friend with a LOT of other Mom words and thoughts in there. I also suggested talking to these kids, but didn't really have the right words for him to say, so suggested he not until I could help him figure out what might be a constructive thing to say. I did tell him I may call one of the boys' Mom's and let her know what was going on. One, because I think she'd like to know, and, two, because she may be able to do something about it in her own way. And, three, because I don't want things to get awkward between her and I when her son is not invited to things Shawners does!! Shawners has already decided not to invite these two boys - boys who were two of his closest friends at the beginning of the year - to his birthday party next week which saddens me, but I completely support and understand. And he has another friend's birthday party to go to tomorrow where these two boys will be at. Any way, I spoke to the Mom, TOUGH conversation to pick up and do, but she was SO understanding and SO grateful I had told her, and SO disappointed in her son that that was happening. I told her I'm not even sure her son is aware, and she said he tends to be really aware and while he may not realize it's hurting people's feelings he might still be aware of it. I was so grateful for her mature, immediate, grateful response. Every time I hear a mature response after a tough conversation it makes me a little less scarred inside and realize there ARE people who take things seriously and not take offense and ARE willing to confront the tough issues without being offended in the process.
Makes me wish I was more like one of those people. I think that's what this year is all about for me. Learning to be one of those people. Somebody who takes the initiative to have tough conversations, and somebody who knows how to receive tough conversations even when it's presented in an unloving or judgemental way. It's working slowly.
Speaking of judgemental, more to write on that, and how AWESOME this last cousins' weekend was for my sister who has always felt judged and truly WAS judged by my family, but always chose to rise above it. This last weekend I had her back and admired her for the amazing job she does with her family, her five kids, her 13 hour a week hairdressing job, and still managing to have a semblance of a relationship with her husband for the moment. We moved past so much of the judgement, I think it was an amazing relief for her and an opening up of new relationships with walls broken down. Neat experience. Afterwards *I* felt a little left out because I've always been the middle monkey, the confidant of both sides, but really what a sucky role to be in, and I'm SO glad I don't have to be there anymore. I worked through my feeling left out, and instead turned into gratefulness that I won't have to fight, bribe, or otherwise encourage my sister to come on cousins trips anymore because she had so much fun this time! Everybody did, including myself!! I had also been nervous because of the two traumatizing family events previously, but had totally forgotten how much FUN I have with my sisters and cousins, like-minded girls who talk things out for hours instead of getting offended about them. Love, love, LOVE talking with these girls.
Example #1 - Conversation with my niece this past May after I heard third hand she was upset with me about a comment I had made and I was able to see how upset she had been in her body language, but didn't realize it was towards me. Conversation went okay, but we haven't talked or seen each other since.
Example #2 - Fast forward to after our AMAZING cousin's girls trip and said niece is hurt she wasn't invited. Reason being, it is a first cousin's girls trip with cousin's who did not grow up together and are attempting to get to know each other and we are going to protect that even when other people's feelings are hurt (i.e. my cousin's Mom, now our niece, etc.). My other niece DID come along because her Mom (a blood first cousin) would not have come without her. This was why her feelings ended up being hurt. Only, she blamed it all on me sending me a text saying I hope I'll forgive her so she can be included in family functions. WTF?! was basically my reaction. Took a four way conference conversation with her to tell her from four out of five cousins this had NOTHING to do with her and is a first cousin's only trip was the only reason she wasn't invited - not my Grandma not liking her Dad (her first thing she blamed it on), not me not forgiving her (the second thing she blamed it on), etc. Both my sister and I have a feeling it's not over with her especially when the third thing she blamed it on was during the conference call she mentioned something she heard I said about her really hurt her feelings but she didn't want to say what it was in front of anybody. Both my sister and I agree she was using this information to vaguely hold it over my head that it was still my fault. Fortunately, I encouraged her to say what it was - which was she'd heard I was afraid she would act like she did in May again and that's why she didn't get to go. Apparently, my sister had told her mom that and it had gotten back to her. I completely owned it, saying yes of course I'm apprehensive that could happen again, but that has NOTHING to do with her not coming. Later my sister told me she was so glad I owned it because she realized SHE was the one who said that and didn't realize it would come back to bite her in the ass because she told the Mom in confidence. Seriously ridiculous family drama this last year, but it's been interesting working through it and definitely a learning experience. Not just for family, but ALL of life!!
Example #3 - Had a conversation today with a Mom of one of Shawner's friends. Ironically, regarding a similar subject as #2. This friend and another friend have been "in their own little world" as Shawner's puts it, not even aware of people around them. I noticed it myself when I took Shawners to lunch the other day and he invited his two friends to join us at the courtyard. I dismissed it, though, thinking if Shawners can handle his friends doing that, more power to him. As soon as I got back from my trip, though, I noticed he was upset about something. When I asked him about what, this issue was his answer. My advice to him was to focus on other relationships for himself, and not talk about these friends with other friends behind their back but instead focus on building a relationship with the other friend with a LOT of other Mom words and thoughts in there. I also suggested talking to these kids, but didn't really have the right words for him to say, so suggested he not until I could help him figure out what might be a constructive thing to say. I did tell him I may call one of the boys' Mom's and let her know what was going on. One, because I think she'd like to know, and, two, because she may be able to do something about it in her own way. And, three, because I don't want things to get awkward between her and I when her son is not invited to things Shawners does!! Shawners has already decided not to invite these two boys - boys who were two of his closest friends at the beginning of the year - to his birthday party next week which saddens me, but I completely support and understand. And he has another friend's birthday party to go to tomorrow where these two boys will be at. Any way, I spoke to the Mom, TOUGH conversation to pick up and do, but she was SO understanding and SO grateful I had told her, and SO disappointed in her son that that was happening. I told her I'm not even sure her son is aware, and she said he tends to be really aware and while he may not realize it's hurting people's feelings he might still be aware of it. I was so grateful for her mature, immediate, grateful response. Every time I hear a mature response after a tough conversation it makes me a little less scarred inside and realize there ARE people who take things seriously and not take offense and ARE willing to confront the tough issues without being offended in the process.
Makes me wish I was more like one of those people. I think that's what this year is all about for me. Learning to be one of those people. Somebody who takes the initiative to have tough conversations, and somebody who knows how to receive tough conversations even when it's presented in an unloving or judgemental way. It's working slowly.
Speaking of judgemental, more to write on that, and how AWESOME this last cousins' weekend was for my sister who has always felt judged and truly WAS judged by my family, but always chose to rise above it. This last weekend I had her back and admired her for the amazing job she does with her family, her five kids, her 13 hour a week hairdressing job, and still managing to have a semblance of a relationship with her husband for the moment. We moved past so much of the judgement, I think it was an amazing relief for her and an opening up of new relationships with walls broken down. Neat experience. Afterwards *I* felt a little left out because I've always been the middle monkey, the confidant of both sides, but really what a sucky role to be in, and I'm SO glad I don't have to be there anymore. I worked through my feeling left out, and instead turned into gratefulness that I won't have to fight, bribe, or otherwise encourage my sister to come on cousins trips anymore because she had so much fun this time! Everybody did, including myself!! I had also been nervous because of the two traumatizing family events previously, but had totally forgotten how much FUN I have with my sisters and cousins, like-minded girls who talk things out for hours instead of getting offended about them. Love, love, LOVE talking with these girls.
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