Date with me

I had a lovely little date with myself this evening checking out a new restaurant here that I've desperately have been wanting to try. It was a perfect evening. Somehow the sky cleared, the air was warm, and the breeze was perfect underneath the strung lights while I was there. I ordered my yummy food and sat back and contemplated life. Contemplated moving from this home that sent me into a tizzy this afternoon thinking about moving so soon and while the boys are still at a school that would be a big pain in the arse to drive to from our new (old) location. Thankfully, that's on hold for the moment. Contemplated friends and their desire to be their own person, and my desire to not let it interfere with who the hell I am. Make plans with me, fine, but you better stick to them. I'm not talking about the occasional it doesn't work out because that happens to all of us. I'm talking about the perpetual blower offers (that sounds perverted) where it becomes that ANYthing other than the plans they've made becomes a priority. That get's on my nerves. Sometimes I think it's because I'm too nice and understanding if they're a close friend, but then I slap myself in the face and realize that's how they've become in their lives. I either put up with it, or I stop making plans with them. Since the former usually drives me up the freaking wall and leaves me with no plans on nights that I am counting on going out, I usually go with the latter. Or go with a one time policy try, if they start to flake it's peace out for me. That sounds harsh, and maybe it is, but I don't have time to waste. I need to get the f*ck out of the house when I want to get the f*ck out of the house and I don't want to let it go to waste. Make sense? I wish I knew a better way to deal with it, but I don't, at least not right now. Contemplated enjoying time by myself again. I loved it, by the way. Loved it. Contemplated enjoying time with Brando again. I've started to recently and am so very glad, but always very cautious about depending on him for my happy. I've made that mistake before and nobody ends up happy. I have to set out to make sure I am happy on my own, and he is happy on his own. That's when we are the best together. Work is stressful for him right now, and I've put on my grumpy pants the last few days, but we sit back and remind each other it's just the stress, it's just the grumpies. That feels nice. Contemplation is nice, especially when surrounded by good food, a chai tea, pretty lights, and the fabulous company of me.