OMG I am SO broke right now and the kids have SO much stuff coming up with the holidays. It's my fault because I bought that darn hairdryer and don't want to ask brando's mom for the birthday money to pay it back right away since she's in the middle of a three day court case with his dad. ughers. everywhere i turn it's donations here, party money there, not to mention the money for robotics i've been covering out of my own pocket, regular bills, and food. middle school and upper elementary grades are SO EXPENSIVE and now we have two!! oh my darn word.

My new bed

Anniversary gifts

Oh Christmas Tree

Brought the kids to church today finally! We drop them off and have a morning date. I have an internal struggle with going to church these days. My parents didn't go as I was growing up. My Dad is the only one who goes now. Brando's and my marriage is SO much more happier and peaceful since we have  NOT been going to church. Mostly, I think because we get at least one day a week together. And so we don't go. I still think it's important for the kids to have that Godly structured environment, though, as we certainly don't provide it at home. The structured learning that is. We definitely pray at bed time and talk about our relationship with God.

We also went to a wind ensemble orchestra performance conducted by Justinbustin's band teacher. I so did NOT want to go. Once I was there, though, the music gave me chills. And got me in a bit of the holiday spirit with Baby, It's Cold Outside and Sleigh Ride. I needed that. It was also cute seeing Justinbustin sit with a few band friends who migrated to where we were sitting. They were so excited to see their band teacher on stage.

This year Brando brought in the beautiful fake tree a friend of my sister's had given us last year but we didn't have time to put it up last year. He put the lights on it as well. The boys put Christmas Pandora music on and made hot chocolate with marshmallows. Then, the boys put the ornaments on the tree. I put a few finishing ornaments on it and Brando took pictures. Justinbustin put the Christmas lights up outside. He did such a beautiful job.

Regarding my nothing post, I've decided to live by this motto and it worked well for me tonight. It may sound simple and duh to some people, but after years of cleaning up after four, then giving up, it's a whole new eye opener for me:

Maybe it'll keep me from doing nothing.

I Just Got Back from the Salon!

Oops, I accidentally posted one of my 'private' posts on PSD leading you here. Instead of editing the post to take away the link, I deleted it and now that post is forever stuck in google reader. Sigh. If you are here by way of my accidental post on PSD, please know that this is my private little journal. The unshiney one without the pictures. The stuff I just need to get out and don't have the time or energy to finesse into a pretty post. I love my PSD, but this is my cathartic outlet. You are welcome to read, but please know I actually appreciate the minimal feedback I get here and don't advertise this blog for that reason. I like to write with the freedom of knowing if anyone reads, it is only those who love, understand, and care about me most, even if those are people I've never met, without any sort of complicated or uncomplicated judgement.

Back to this post:


Only not...

What I really did was blow dry my already dry, disgusting been in the humidity all day hair with my new T3 Featherweight Luxe and it *gave* me salon like hair in less than two minutes.

In LOVE.

Thanks to a super late birthday present my MIL.

Love, love, LOVE it. Can't wait to wake up in the morning, dampen my hair, and walk out in two minutes like I just came from the salon.

Add to that how fantastically I've figured out how to paint my nails lately so much so that my cosmetologist sister asks if they are shellac nails.

Now to get my eyebrows waxed to feel like a total woman again...

I may seriously need an intervention.

Update here.

I have a problem with not living in the moment.

When I take pictures of things and look back on them, I LOVE what I created in my life.

When I'm taking the picture, I pick it apart and don't ever appreciate it in the moment.

Mostly, I pick me apart.

It takes me about three months to love a picture.

_____

I have a problem with doing nothing.

I blame it on my kids, I blame it on my lack of degree, I blame it on my lack of a job.

But, really, it's me.

To me, doing nothing is keeping everything afloat: boy scouts, youth group, church, tumbling for shawners, robotics for justinbustin, being assistant coach as robotics, occasionally working for my dad, making travel arrangements for my parents, spending time with brando, cultivating our marriage, cultivating our relationship. volunteering twice a week at the kid's school, prayer meetings for the boys, making sure to have a conversation with the boys every day about three interesting things that went on at school that day, having the resources to do all those.

To me, doing nothing is the hours and hours I spend on blogs, pinterest, facebook, and hulu, because doing anything else drains all the energy out of me to be able to do all those things above.

To me, doing nothing is not having the gumption to get a job because I don't want to mess up the delicate balance of the above.

To me, doing nothing is having a million and one DIY projects I want to do but don't because a) I feel like it would be a waste of time when I could be working at a job and b) because I don't work I don't have the money to waste to get on even the few little supplies it would take.

To me, doing nothing is being out of a job for the last ten years with few short-lived sabbaticals and not even remembering who that person was who worked full-time for four years from the age of thirteen to the age of seventeen, as a nanny to four kids, then as an advertisement representative at a newspaper.

To me, doing nothing is not wanting to go to school because it upsets that delicate balance above.

To me, doing nothing is figuring if I'm this lazy any way, what good is going to school going to do me. I'll still be just as lazy.

To me, doing nothing is not figuring this all out til' I sit down to watch hulu for the day.

To me, doing nothing, is feeling this way while my hubby texts me "Your my awesome." as I literally typed that above sentence.

______

Like I said, I may seriously need an intervention.