I may seriously need an intervention.

Update here.

I have a problem with not living in the moment.

When I take pictures of things and look back on them, I LOVE what I created in my life.

When I'm taking the picture, I pick it apart and don't ever appreciate it in the moment.

Mostly, I pick me apart.

It takes me about three months to love a picture.

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I have a problem with doing nothing.

I blame it on my kids, I blame it on my lack of degree, I blame it on my lack of a job.

But, really, it's me.

To me, doing nothing is keeping everything afloat: boy scouts, youth group, church, tumbling for shawners, robotics for justinbustin, being assistant coach as robotics, occasionally working for my dad, making travel arrangements for my parents, spending time with brando, cultivating our marriage, cultivating our relationship. volunteering twice a week at the kid's school, prayer meetings for the boys, making sure to have a conversation with the boys every day about three interesting things that went on at school that day, having the resources to do all those.

To me, doing nothing is the hours and hours I spend on blogs, pinterest, facebook, and hulu, because doing anything else drains all the energy out of me to be able to do all those things above.

To me, doing nothing is not having the gumption to get a job because I don't want to mess up the delicate balance of the above.

To me, doing nothing is having a million and one DIY projects I want to do but don't because a) I feel like it would be a waste of time when I could be working at a job and b) because I don't work I don't have the money to waste to get on even the few little supplies it would take.

To me, doing nothing is being out of a job for the last ten years with few short-lived sabbaticals and not even remembering who that person was who worked full-time for four years from the age of thirteen to the age of seventeen, as a nanny to four kids, then as an advertisement representative at a newspaper.

To me, doing nothing is not wanting to go to school because it upsets that delicate balance above.

To me, doing nothing is figuring if I'm this lazy any way, what good is going to school going to do me. I'll still be just as lazy.

To me, doing nothing is not figuring this all out til' I sit down to watch hulu for the day.

To me, doing nothing, is feeling this way while my hubby texts me "Your my awesome." as I literally typed that above sentence.

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Like I said, I may seriously need an intervention.