I think so.
And here I was wondering why I am SO tired. That's what I get for staying up til' 2am watching So You Think You Can Dance. On that note, man the dancers from San Francisco were WEIRD. Reminds me why I left California. Sigh. And reminds me why as much as I want to move back, I don't. I love to experience life so much that I just wouldn't stay away from all the weird stuff Cali does to my head (like one of my sister's good friends sleeping with another of their good friends husband for six years and JUST finding out; and like a Christian home-school Mom becoming an alcoholic and sleeping with her cousin - yuck, seriously; and these are people I personally know. There are normal people, too, but they usually are the ones who can afford a neighborhood out of all that junk but still close enough to be near a city, though! We'd be a renter amongst all that other crap or a little bit too far out of the city, and way far away from the beach for my liking.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Last Day of School
And I can't quite wrap my head around it. This was hands down one of the top school years the boys had. Shawner's teachers bring tears to my eyes when I think of him not being in their class anymore. Justin's awesome group of friends brings tears to my eyes when I think about them not being in the same classroom anymore.
What an incredible year.
I am so grateful.
What an incredible year.
I am so grateful.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Stuck doing dumb stuff for school
*I took a picture for the kids school and now it's printing all wonky and the girl who is taking care of framing it is relying on me to help fix it, but it can't be fixed! Ugh.
*Feeling a LOT of negativity right now.
*Wish I could cleanse my aura like Phoebe on friends ;) .
*Just stuffed down a 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell because I've been eating crap food all day (pickles, Kettle Chips, Annie's Honey Grahams, broccoli), and have had no real substantial food, so even though I wasn't hungry I needed the actual food.
*Going downhill fast starting with talking to Brando's Mom today.
*Haven't set my limits on not answering the phone. Don't know why, but talking to people exhausts me, especially when I'm already stretched thin. Usually I do better and let the phone ring if I know I'm going to sound like Debbie Downer on the phone, any way, but for some reason I've been picking it up on first ring, and then still sounding like Debbie Downer. Ugh!
*On my period. Doesn't help. Started it Memorial Day! Fortunately, the effects stayed at bay until today, and only today when I let them get to me. Ergh.
*Didn't work on business stuff at all today. That really bugs me.
*Flowers are annoying as heck to do the hard part. Can't wait to get to the fun part. Still, with my outlook right now, even that is making me nervous, until I think about actually getting my hands on the flowers, that part and thought is 110% calming.
*Feeling a LOT of negativity right now.
*Wish I could cleanse my aura like Phoebe on friends ;) .
*Just stuffed down a 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell because I've been eating crap food all day (pickles, Kettle Chips, Annie's Honey Grahams, broccoli), and have had no real substantial food, so even though I wasn't hungry I needed the actual food.
*Going downhill fast starting with talking to Brando's Mom today.
*Haven't set my limits on not answering the phone. Don't know why, but talking to people exhausts me, especially when I'm already stretched thin. Usually I do better and let the phone ring if I know I'm going to sound like Debbie Downer on the phone, any way, but for some reason I've been picking it up on first ring, and then still sounding like Debbie Downer. Ugh!
*On my period. Doesn't help. Started it Memorial Day! Fortunately, the effects stayed at bay until today, and only today when I let them get to me. Ergh.
*Didn't work on business stuff at all today. That really bugs me.
*Flowers are annoying as heck to do the hard part. Can't wait to get to the fun part. Still, with my outlook right now, even that is making me nervous, until I think about actually getting my hands on the flowers, that part and thought is 110% calming.
Ouch
Random scattered thoughts all having to do with getting the phone call from my mother-in-law just now saying she sold all her furniture except her bed.
*The part that hit me the hardest was that she sold the guest bed set we always stay in. Maybe because I've posted about it so much. Maybe because it was my favorite thing about going there. Maybe because it was the one thing that made her house feel like vacation.
*She talked a lot about the family moving in making it a "home" like when Brando and his brother were little and Brando's Dad and her were still lived together. It's bitchy, but I comfort myself with the fact that that didn't work out so well.
*She doesn't know where she's moving to yet.
*It all hit me at once. I knew it was coming. I knew she couldn't stay in that big ol' house forever. I knew we couldn't buy it from her. I knew we wouldn't move in with her.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for being such AHAT that this is what it's come down to. On the other hand, even if money was peachy, she probably would have moved somewhere smaller eventually any way.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for spending a million dollars on CRAP. She could've had her house paid off. She could've bought us three houses. She could've paid for college for her grandkids. Instead she bought stuff and stuff and stuff, for us, for Brando's brother, for her now ex-boyfriend. We know she hasn't spent more than $100k on us between paying off debt, buying furniture for us, and helping us out every now and then (debt was $40k of that, so in reality the other part is probably less than $30k between birthday presents, christmas presents, and helping us out over ten years), so that leaves $900k she spent on Brando's brother and her now ex-boyfriend.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for not being willing to be a loving husband while she figured out who the hell she is and how the hell to take care of finances in the first place!
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for not putting her foot down and figuring out who the hell she was inside her marriage, no matter what it took, and for not looking to outside comfort to bring her through it. Refer back to the above.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at myself for encouraging Brando to encourage her to sue his Dad for all the money he screwed her out of by 'taking care' of everything for her by using his lawyers for her stuff, then screwing the contract his lawyers came up with in the first place.
*A lot of me is really, really sad we don't have that room to go back to and we don't have Brando and his brothers childhood haunts to go back to and enjoy. It breaks my heart.
*A lot of me is really, really, really, really sad that chapter of our lives is over.
*A lot of me is wondering what the heck happens next.
*As I just told Justinbustin, I always attach myself to old memories, I tend to think the new memories will be worse because I love the old ones so much, but I forget that one day the new memories will be old and I will love them just as much.
*As I told Brando I KNEW this was all coming, and I don't get why the emotion hits me NOW of all times. Why couldn't it have hit me them so I would fight harder to not let the house go? Not that I could've done anything, but I can tend to be pretty persuasive, I could've fought it at least, not willingly gone along with it all.
*Maybe. But maybe it's all futile, and I should just look forward to the new memories that will one day be old, and enjoy the memories being made now.
*The part that hit me the hardest was that she sold the guest bed set we always stay in. Maybe because I've posted about it so much. Maybe because it was my favorite thing about going there. Maybe because it was the one thing that made her house feel like vacation.
*She talked a lot about the family moving in making it a "home" like when Brando and his brother were little and Brando's Dad and her were still lived together. It's bitchy, but I comfort myself with the fact that that didn't work out so well.
*She doesn't know where she's moving to yet.
*It all hit me at once. I knew it was coming. I knew she couldn't stay in that big ol' house forever. I knew we couldn't buy it from her. I knew we wouldn't move in with her.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for being such AHAT that this is what it's come down to. On the other hand, even if money was peachy, she probably would have moved somewhere smaller eventually any way.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for spending a million dollars on CRAP. She could've had her house paid off. She could've bought us three houses. She could've paid for college for her grandkids. Instead she bought stuff and stuff and stuff, for us, for Brando's brother, for her now ex-boyfriend. We know she hasn't spent more than $100k on us between paying off debt, buying furniture for us, and helping us out every now and then (debt was $40k of that, so in reality the other part is probably less than $30k between birthday presents, christmas presents, and helping us out over ten years), so that leaves $900k she spent on Brando's brother and her now ex-boyfriend.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for not being willing to be a loving husband while she figured out who the hell she is and how the hell to take care of finances in the first place!
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for not putting her foot down and figuring out who the hell she was inside her marriage, no matter what it took, and for not looking to outside comfort to bring her through it. Refer back to the above.
*Part of me is SO ANGRY at myself for encouraging Brando to encourage her to sue his Dad for all the money he screwed her out of by 'taking care' of everything for her by using his lawyers for her stuff, then screwing the contract his lawyers came up with in the first place.
*A lot of me is really, really sad we don't have that room to go back to and we don't have Brando and his brothers childhood haunts to go back to and enjoy. It breaks my heart.
*A lot of me is really, really, really, really sad that chapter of our lives is over.
*A lot of me is wondering what the heck happens next.
*As I just told Justinbustin, I always attach myself to old memories, I tend to think the new memories will be worse because I love the old ones so much, but I forget that one day the new memories will be old and I will love them just as much.
*As I told Brando I KNEW this was all coming, and I don't get why the emotion hits me NOW of all times. Why couldn't it have hit me them so I would fight harder to not let the house go? Not that I could've done anything, but I can tend to be pretty persuasive, I could've fought it at least, not willingly gone along with it all.
*Maybe. But maybe it's all futile, and I should just look forward to the new memories that will one day be old, and enjoy the memories being made now.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Indecision
I really dislike when I get paralyzed by indecision. This weekend is full of indecision.
*Which hotel to stay at - the Westin (which has the heavenly bed, is close to our event on Sunday, and has an included breakfast buffet) or the Renaissance (which we know and love, has an indoor pool, and a heavenly sauna)
*Whether to send my boys camping with their cousin or not - Justinbustin ended up going with his friend Tebo, and I convinced Shawners to stay, thank goodness. My nephew is awesome, but a guy in his young twenties himself and last time he watched the boys they pulled out the air soft guns out of our closet and played them without permission!! I did talk to my nephew about being extra aware that they are kids and need to be guided with the decisions they make, and I talked to their babysitter who is going along with them and asked her to keep an extra eye on them,.
*Whether to stay at a hotel at all. For the same amount of money we could go jet skiing! But that wouldn't be fantastic for my back, and we wouldn't get a night away.
Seemingly stupid stuff, like:
*How to get Justinbustin from camping Saturday night to church to volunteer with the kids' ministry Sunday morning
*Whether to encourage Justinbustin's relationship with Tebo by allowing Justinbustin to hang out with him, whose parents are European and very 'free' with their lifestyle, even though Tebo seems like a great kid he already has had a ton of girlfriends at this age - although to be fair Tebo is leaving for Paris for five weeks next Wednesday so Justinbustin won't be hanging out with him half the summer
*Whether I really want Shawners to go camping tomorrow night. He can get scared at night, and he hangs all over his cousin, which is inappropriate at his age and kinda annoying (he seems to do it because his cousin doesn't care, but I do care, and I don't want him doing it - totally remind myself of my parents right now tell my kids to stop hanging on their babysitter)
*Whether we'll have fun at the wine and music festival Sunday since we don't even drink wine!!! They have beer, too, but we don't drink beer either!! Brando has a really nasty reaction to beer (maybe cause of the wheat?) and I get a headache just like with wine. Good thing Chipotle and their margaritas are across the street (altho Brando reacts a little to those, too - I certainly don't :) ! Not yet, any way, and it better darn well stay that way! I try not to od on them so it does)
*How much to work on this wedding without ignoring the business Brando and I are starting, PSD that I've been working on pretty intensely lately, and my family besides.
*And this has nothing to do with anything going on this weekend - but in general whether to start yoga or not! I'm working on putting my body first physically (I went to the spa this weekend, and the minute my foot started hurting on Wednesday I made an acupuncture appointment and chiropractor appointment for the next morning - no more putting up with pain 'expecting' it to go away!), but exercise is the one thing I haven't ever given priority to - it's always just come along with having little ones, but I don't have little ones any more and it needs to be a priority. I don't want to spend the yoga for money, and that's the part I need to get over and put my body first physically!
*Which hotel to stay at - the Westin (which has the heavenly bed, is close to our event on Sunday, and has an included breakfast buffet) or the Renaissance (which we know and love, has an indoor pool, and a heavenly sauna)
*Whether to send my boys camping with their cousin or not - Justinbustin ended up going with his friend Tebo, and I convinced Shawners to stay, thank goodness. My nephew is awesome, but a guy in his young twenties himself and last time he watched the boys they pulled out the air soft guns out of our closet and played them without permission!! I did talk to my nephew about being extra aware that they are kids and need to be guided with the decisions they make, and I talked to their babysitter who is going along with them and asked her to keep an extra eye on them,.
*Whether to stay at a hotel at all. For the same amount of money we could go jet skiing! But that wouldn't be fantastic for my back, and we wouldn't get a night away.
Seemingly stupid stuff, like:
*How to get Justinbustin from camping Saturday night to church to volunteer with the kids' ministry Sunday morning
*Whether to encourage Justinbustin's relationship with Tebo by allowing Justinbustin to hang out with him, whose parents are European and very 'free' with their lifestyle, even though Tebo seems like a great kid he already has had a ton of girlfriends at this age - although to be fair Tebo is leaving for Paris for five weeks next Wednesday so Justinbustin won't be hanging out with him half the summer
*Whether I really want Shawners to go camping tomorrow night. He can get scared at night, and he hangs all over his cousin, which is inappropriate at his age and kinda annoying (he seems to do it because his cousin doesn't care, but I do care, and I don't want him doing it - totally remind myself of my parents right now tell my kids to stop hanging on their babysitter)
*Whether we'll have fun at the wine and music festival Sunday since we don't even drink wine!!! They have beer, too, but we don't drink beer either!! Brando has a really nasty reaction to beer (maybe cause of the wheat?) and I get a headache just like with wine. Good thing Chipotle and their margaritas are across the street (altho Brando reacts a little to those, too - I certainly don't :) ! Not yet, any way, and it better darn well stay that way! I try not to od on them so it does)
*How much to work on this wedding without ignoring the business Brando and I are starting, PSD that I've been working on pretty intensely lately, and my family besides.
*And this has nothing to do with anything going on this weekend - but in general whether to start yoga or not! I'm working on putting my body first physically (I went to the spa this weekend, and the minute my foot started hurting on Wednesday I made an acupuncture appointment and chiropractor appointment for the next morning - no more putting up with pain 'expecting' it to go away!), but exercise is the one thing I haven't ever given priority to - it's always just come along with having little ones, but I don't have little ones any more and it needs to be a priority. I don't want to spend the yoga for money, and that's the part I need to get over and put my body first physically!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Busy time of life
{{ahhhhhh}}
Trying to keep balls in air.
Trying to stay sane and not lose *all* my friends while doing so.
Trying to keep balls in air.
Trying to stay sane and not lose *all* my friends while doing so.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Doing it all
You know those people who seem like they can do it all? I totally feel like one of those people right now and really need to keep my bearings straight.
I offered to do the flowers for my nephew's wedding, and unbeknownst to me until last week, was taken up on it. I am SO excited for it. However, it is a LOT of work. I'm loving it, but at the same time I am losing focus on the business!! I need to set aside time to work on the flowers, and use that time alone and not let it leak over into the business. For those of you who know me, which, if you've been reading this blog o' mine, you do :) , I hyper focus on whatever it is I'm working on. Fortunately, the wedding is next month, so once it is over I will once again be able to hyper focus on the business. However, I have been hyper focusing on the flowers enough, that hopefully the majority of it will be over this Wednesday, and in the meantime I can continue to put all my energy into the business. Rhythm, R*se, remember, rhythm.
I offered to do the flowers for my nephew's wedding, and unbeknownst to me until last week, was taken up on it. I am SO excited for it. However, it is a LOT of work. I'm loving it, but at the same time I am losing focus on the business!! I need to set aside time to work on the flowers, and use that time alone and not let it leak over into the business. For those of you who know me, which, if you've been reading this blog o' mine, you do :) , I hyper focus on whatever it is I'm working on. Fortunately, the wedding is next month, so once it is over I will once again be able to hyper focus on the business. However, I have been hyper focusing on the flowers enough, that hopefully the majority of it will be over this Wednesday, and in the meantime I can continue to put all my energy into the business. Rhythm, R*se, remember, rhythm.
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