Ouch

Random scattered thoughts all having to do with getting the phone call from my mother-in-law just now saying she sold all her furniture except her bed.

*The part that hit me the hardest was that she sold the guest bed set we always stay in. Maybe because I've posted about it so much. Maybe because it was my favorite thing about going there. Maybe because it was the one thing that made her house feel like vacation.

*She talked a lot about the family moving in making it a "home" like when Brando and his brother were little and Brando's Dad and her were still lived together. It's bitchy, but I comfort myself with the fact that that didn't work out so well.

*She doesn't know where she's moving to yet.

*It all hit me at once. I knew it was coming. I knew she couldn't stay in that big ol' house forever. I knew we couldn't buy it from her. I knew we wouldn't move in with her.

*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for being such AHAT that this is what it's come down to. On the other hand, even if money was peachy, she probably would have moved somewhere smaller eventually any way.

*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for spending a million dollars on CRAP. She could've had her house paid off. She could've bought us three houses. She could've paid for college for her grandkids. Instead she bought stuff and stuff and stuff, for us, for Brando's brother, for her now ex-boyfriend. We know she hasn't spent more than $100k on us between paying off debt, buying furniture for us, and helping us out every now and then (debt was $40k of that, so in reality the other part is probably less than $30k between birthday presents, christmas presents, and helping us out over ten years), so that leaves $900k she spent on Brando's brother and her now ex-boyfriend.

*Part of me is SO ANGRY at Brando's Dad for not being willing to be a loving husband while she figured out who the hell she is and how the hell to take care of finances in the first place!

*Part of me is SO ANGRY at her for not putting her foot down and figuring out who the hell she was inside her marriage, no matter what it took, and for not looking to outside comfort to bring her through it. Refer back to the above.

*Part of me is SO ANGRY at myself for encouraging Brando to encourage her to sue his Dad for all the money he screwed her out of by 'taking care' of everything for her by using his lawyers for her stuff, then screwing the contract his lawyers came up with in the first place.

*A lot of me is really, really sad we don't have that room to go back to and we don't have Brando and his brothers childhood haunts to go back to and enjoy. It breaks my heart.

*A lot of me is really, really, really, really sad that chapter of our lives is over.

*A lot of me is wondering what the heck happens next.

*As I just told Justinbustin, I always attach myself to old memories, I tend to think the new memories will be worse because I love the old ones so much, but I forget that one day the new memories will be old and I will love them just as much.

*As I told Brando I KNEW this was all coming, and I don't get why the emotion hits me NOW of all times. Why couldn't it have hit me them so I would fight harder to not let the house go? Not that I could've done anything, but I can tend to be pretty persuasive, I could've fought it at least, not willingly gone along with it all.

*Maybe. But maybe it's all futile, and I should just look forward to the new memories that will one day be old, and enjoy the memories being made now.