Oh Christmas Tree

Brought the kids to church today finally! We drop them off and have a morning date. I have an internal struggle with going to church these days. My parents didn't go as I was growing up. My Dad is the only one who goes now. Brando's and my marriage is SO much more happier and peaceful since we have  NOT been going to church. Mostly, I think because we get at least one day a week together. And so we don't go. I still think it's important for the kids to have that Godly structured environment, though, as we certainly don't provide it at home. The structured learning that is. We definitely pray at bed time and talk about our relationship with God.

We also went to a wind ensemble orchestra performance conducted by Justinbustin's band teacher. I so did NOT want to go. Once I was there, though, the music gave me chills. And got me in a bit of the holiday spirit with Baby, It's Cold Outside and Sleigh Ride. I needed that. It was also cute seeing Justinbustin sit with a few band friends who migrated to where we were sitting. They were so excited to see their band teacher on stage.

This year Brando brought in the beautiful fake tree a friend of my sister's had given us last year but we didn't have time to put it up last year. He put the lights on it as well. The boys put Christmas Pandora music on and made hot chocolate with marshmallows. Then, the boys put the ornaments on the tree. I put a few finishing ornaments on it and Brando took pictures. Justinbustin put the Christmas lights up outside. He did such a beautiful job.

Regarding my nothing post, I've decided to live by this motto and it worked well for me tonight. It may sound simple and duh to some people, but after years of cleaning up after four, then giving up, it's a whole new eye opener for me:

Maybe it'll keep me from doing nothing.

WHY am I so bored of blogging lately?!!

I still love to read and browse... sort of. Only the people I know well (and if you're reading this, that includes you).

It's not like there's not a lot going on. There is. Maybe too much?

I'm sort of working. For my parents. Remotely. It's been nice to feel productive. The goal is to get a regular paycheck we can count on as part of our income.

Justinbustin has been busy, busy, busy with school and robotics. It's wearing me out. But it's fun. And he loves it.

Brando's had the past two weekends off - a total record. We enjoyed the first weekend immensely, then this one was spent half fabulous, half lots-o-arguing.

Fortunately, we worked out our argument. And a girlfriend subtly/subconsciously pointed me towards a book on communication lol.

Shawners is adorbs and has been spending lotsa time with Brando and I while Justinbustin is at events. This is fun.

That's all for now.

Oh my mom found my 13 year old diary so that should make for some fun entries when/if I get a hold of it.

Dear Life,

Refocusing on Brando and the boys, thank you for opening my eyes to many things, one of which my main blog sort of feels like a friend I need to focus on less. I love dumping my thoughts here, because there's hardly any readership (and I love all that do read here!), but dumping my thoughts there seems too vulnerable. And organizing my thoughts in a sane manner takes too much energy. I may save you, dear blog, for pictures of trips and call it good over there. It's been fun to revamp, though, and try new things. That, above all, I believe, showed me that it's not worth my energy over there.

Stores, thank you for all the GORGEOUS summer clothes out! I went crazy town at forever 21 and can't wait to model my new wardrobe for Brando on dates.

Summer, how can you be so near? I can't believe this may actually be the last summer that Justinbustin will sorta do what I want because he has to. Fortunately, he loves outdoor activity as much as I, so that means I have an adventure buddy!

Girls weekend, I am so sad, you didn't work out. I can't wait til' you do!

My own weekend, I am kinda relieved that I can make you happen now. Justinbustin will get to go camping, go to a special event Saturday, and the boys won't have to be left alone Friday afternoon and Saturday morning.

Pool, why don't I go to you more often? Your sun rays were absolutely glorious yesterday and left the perfect tan line that I'm still olive oiling to get rid of the burn. Your water is still cool and refreshing.

Brando, thank you for being so awesome at figuring out new strategies. I can't believe the school changing the way parents could pick up could give me anxiety attacks! Thank you for relieving those by figuring out a new way to easily pick up the boys, and a way that they love, in an instant.

Boys, you are incredible when given responsibility. My prayer is that you will find ways to rise above, be a leader, and find your own things to be responsible for even when you aren't given responsibility.

KT, thank you for being my bestie. For sticking with me through thick and thin. For noticing my irritation yesterday, and not saying a thing, but simply showing up in your bathing suit with a towel and inviting me to go to the pool just so you could be silent and hear me vent. Thank you for knowing me well enough to know something is bothering me, and also knowing me well enough to not question me about it, but simply be there for me and let me tell you in my own time. You are amazing, and I don't know what I did to deserve your amazingness. I don't think I did anything, I think you just are that person and I'm so glad I know you.

I want Cand-y!

Which is what Shawners is singing after seeing Hop - cutest movie ever. According to Shawners, the best movie ever and his new favorite movie. Brando and I introduced him to the Alamo tonight. It was so cute - he was so worried that he'd be the only kid there (he was), but the Maine Root Beer ice cream float on the top of the cute before show shows they put on including a Walt Disney easter movie, muppets, and a Snoopy Easter cartoon made up for it I'm pretty sure.

Shawners says he wants to listen to that song "I want cand-y." over and over so he can remember the words. Hehe. Ironic that their website is iwantcandy.com.

Oh, and Russell Brand, Katy Perry's husband, made an appearance because he was the voice of the bunny! So fun. Have to look up his comedy now and hope it's decent.

Facebook

With so many people in the family I need four statuses:

Shawners: Ran his first marathon today, received his medal, and declared it was SO fun no less than ten times in the following hour.

Justinbustin: Volunteering with a disaster relief training. Also, stayed up from midnight to 4:30am playing video games with his friend.

PSD: Exhausted (see above) but all dressed up and ready to go out with the hubs. Looking forward to seeing Mere!!

Brando: Exhausted for different reasons - work and setting up our new mattress to be sleep ready!

Beautiful Sunday

As I sit here on Valentine's Day morning with my fresh cup of coffee and Brando's famous fruit salad, my heart is bursting with the fun of Saturday.

But, Sunday was amazing in it's own right. I'm not one to sit by the sidelines and let life pass me by - usually I take the reins and make sure things happen. So being down and under this week with my back has thrown me for a loop. This weekend I had to lay low - between my back and all the meds I just didn't have the energy to get us doing activities like I normally do. Saturday turned out amazing, thanks to Brando.

Sunday all I wanted to do was say good-bye to my girlfriend who is leaving for a month. I didn't expect us to do anything else, because normally I would be the one to plan that and I didn't for the aforementioned reasons. Brando did take me to say good-bye to my friend. We picked her up and meandered over to a beautiful grassy area in the middle of town where you can see the skyline. Her and I walked to the top of a hill to see the backdrop of the skyline with the grassy area all around us, then I dropped her back off where she needed to meet up with another friend, while the boys stayed and played.

While I was dropping my friend off, the boys discovered an impromptu circus. The performers had brought all their toys out to play - silk ropes, wheels that you stand on and pedal, tight ropes, hula hoops hanging from a tree, and more. My friend and I had seen them from atop the hill, but didn't think about asking what they were up to. The boys and Brando had been brave enough to ask, and when I got back were playing away.

We spent the next three hours there pedaling on the wheels, climbing up the silk ropes (well, the boys did - I would have if my back was not injured and almost did any way until Brando reminded me that I had just said I was at the point where my back is okay but if I do anything to strain it it feels like it would go right back), and hula hooping in the tree.

The boys also found out they meet every Sunday there. I pride myself on researching the heck out of my town and knowing every little in and out, but you just can't research things like this - groups of people spontaneously gathering to share their art. Letting go and letting Brando figure out what to do as a family was a new thing for me, and I would've taken the reins if I had the energy. But now I see what can happen with a little spontaneity and Brando taking the lead, and am more apt to let him take the lead more often.

The Little Moments

*Brando singing Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" to me when I ask him anything about how I look

*Dancing with my boys when Shawners danced to the radio outside the car when I picked him up from school, and when Justinbustin danced to the song playing on my computer. My favorite part is the spontaneity with which they break out into dance when they hear a song. I didn't do that as a kid and I LOVE that they do, and of course I dance with them. This afternoon when Justinbustin and I were dancing I said, "I love dancing with you guys." and he says, "I love it, too." Melt my heart.

*Being able to pick up and clean my house. I didn't know I could be so grateful for something so mundane, but being able to do it is a blessing.

*Brando setting up a couples' massage for him and I with my favorite masseuse for me. If nothing else good came out of me being in bed on my back the last week, this stands alone by itself. What a treat.

*Having good conversations with Justinbustin about schoolwork and setting up the perimeters of certain projects in school needing his full attention to details and other projects that aren't very important just need the requirements met and neat handwriting. I told him to let me know which category a project falls into so that I don't stress him out about schoolwork. I want him so desperately to know, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecclesiastes 9:10, but the truth is certain projects in school just aren't worth your energy at the expense of other projects. And I can see the stress I put on him when I try to emphasize those unimportant subjects at the cost of the projects (and extracurricular) activities that DO matter.

*Our old, torn courch finding a new home in the garage as a hangout for the local neighborhood kids and the boys as they put the space heater on, play their DS, bike around, play ball, play music, and chat. I didn't think we would be the local hang out for the kids as we don't have a game room or anything big for them to hang out. I am so grateful the couch gives them a place to hang out, and a garage full of toys gives them a desire to hang at our place.

*Watching my little man in the bathtub having a blast with only two cups, and realizing that he is about to pass the moment of innocence where he plays so happily in the bathtub saying, "Mommy, come here!" every two seconds to show me a new trick he discovered, and thereby enjoying every second of seeing his new made up tricks while I still can.

New Year's Resolutions

Brando did the sweetest thing yesterday in the car on the way to Town Lake for our bike ride and asked us all what our goals, ideas, and things we want to do for the upcoming year are.

Shawners was:

-Wants a laptop

-(oh no! I forget, I will have to ask him again!)

-

Justinbustin wants to:

-snowboard again

-get a laptop

-(oh no! same here)

Mine were:

-Start a work out regime whether it be hot yoga, pole dancing, aerial dance classes, or something else.

-Decorate our home with Brando.

-Support Brando in starting a business this year.

Brando's were:

-Build a business this year

-Work out.

-Have regular family nights/days

-Blog on a regular basis.

It was so good to hear each other's goals and desires and be able to focus on them for each other. Today, Brando and I took our first step towards decorating together! We got some beautiful, functional bookcases at Costco, came home and immediately set them up. Brando and Justinbustin set up the first one together (so sweet!), then Brando set up the second one while Shawners and Justinbustin played Monopoly together. Brando even switched the second one up a bit to make it a little more decorative, put a lamp on it, framed a picture of our wedding renewal, rehung artwork to accomodate the new bookcase, and grabbed flowers from another room to put on two of the shelves. I completed the picture with a vase full of coral from our first trip to Hawaii to celebrate our nine year anniversary. The whole thing makes me smile the hugest smile from cheek to cheek.

Brando also started on his blogging regularly by documenting the process of setting up the bookcase, inspired to not only decorate with me but blog about it by these amazing couples.

Go Me

Pretty proud of myself for writing this letter to Brando angry yet being totally constructive. Prior to this I had sent him another email detailing the events of my day (see post below). The all caps in the very beginning is because I had just spoke with him on the phone and we had gotten angry with each other and hung up.

Subject: What I want

AS I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU ON THE PHONE, I want to help us eat healthier. I want to pack the boys' lunches every week. I want to shop and cook for four good sized meals each Tuesday night. I want to decorate our home to have something I feel is worth keeping pretty every day. I WANT TO DO THESE THINGS. But I don't feel like I can do them with you. When I focus even a little on those things you act like I am doing something for the first time in my life and I DESPISE that feeling. That feeling makes my skin crawl. When I have that to look forward to instead of your support, help in other areas, ideas, guidance, and appreciation, it makes it an almost insurmountable goal.

With not doing school this next semester, I would like to focus on these things more. However, I REFUSE TO DO SO if all I am going to get (besides eating healthy and having a pretty house) is complaints about 1) how much I am spending, 2) how much I didn't do before, and 3) how perfect I am now that I am doing these things.

You have DIFFERENT FOCUSES AND GOALS THAN ME. It is important to you to make money, be the breadwinner, have a hobby that you can invest in be it photography, organizing our budget, watching specific tv shows, or leading cub scouts. It is important to me to continually grow, raise the boys in the way that they should go, support you, feed the boys healthy and teach them to eat healthy through doing so, enjoy life and new experiences with you, the boys, and myself. THESE are my goals. NOT making the house pretty. Your goal is NOT to make as much money as you can, and if I were to put that pressure on you and ONLY appreciate you when you did so, that would be unfair of me. You are putting pressure on me to ONLY make the house pretty, and that is unfair of YOU.

You're right, we are not other couples. We are US. And it is time for us to ACCEPT that, own business, beautiful house, high income, house perfect every day, or no. It is time for us to appreciate us for who we ARE and work TOGETHER towards what we WANT to be, not AGAINST each other. It is time for us to stop holding the past against each other. You are the man I met TODAY, the one that I blogged about who is amazing with kids and adorable sitting at a table playing games with them in order to stay connected to his kids' lives and be there for his son at his youngest son's request, the man who requested to be in another classroom contrary to his schedule just so he could be with his older son who didn't express the desire for him to be but who he cares enough about to be there anyway, the man who came home and immediately cleaned out the garage's stinky poop in an amazingly quick manner, the man who immediately figures out how to run errands, make sure our mortgage is paid, and does them with amazing initiative. I am the woman you met TODAY, the one who packed lunches for 45 minutes, studied for an exam that she had amazing notes whilst doing previously emailed list, took said exam, kicked it's booty amazingly, treated her arm condition holistically, said hi to a friend she hasn't seen in months for five minutes because she is an awesome amazing friend who would go thirty minutes out of the way to be there just to give a hug to someone she cares about, went to the boys school to do a weekly event of Wednesday folders and talk to the teachers to stay involved and connected in our boys' lives outside of our home, and came home to do the list I just emailed you on top of writing these two emails, and researching what a reasonable monthly budget amount might be. I am THAT woman, and you are THAT man.

It is time for us to accept and expect who we are NOW. Because we are pretty awesome. And we could do so much TOGETHER.

*end of email*

His response? You're amazing.

What I DO

Said with emphasis to prove a point in an email to Brando. Fortunately, I followed it up with a constructive email (see next post).

As a disclaimer, I do have to say, this is an old argument - one we don't visit every day, or even every six months these days. As you will see in my follow up email we are completely different people today than at the time this issue sent us to counseling four years ago. However, I've discovered one of the difficult things of keeping a marriage alive and fresh, is there are these old arguments, feelings, and resentments that are hard to let go of. I believe one of the keys to being married and continuing to love each other every day and continuing to fall in love is being able to, or at the very least working on, letting go and seeing each other in a fresh new light every day - as if you had met each other that very day. This is us letting go.

Subject: Typical Day

Here is the NOTHING that I do in a typical day:

Wake up
Figure out kids' lunch - be it spend 45 minutes making it like I did this morning for YOU and the boys or figure out how to get $ in the kids lunch account so it's not overdrawn
Make sure the dogs are taken care of and in their places
Make sure the lights are off in the house
Make sure any paperwork the boys need to have at school they have with them
Make sure agendas are signed and homework is completed
Go to class
If I don't go to class, research various things for my own intellectual stimulation and assistance for the family
Figure out lunch for myself
Run any errands I need to, which is usually none, because I don't have the budget
Wait in line for the boys
Pick up the boys
Make sure before we leave the school that they have jackets, lunchboxes, hats, agendas, homework, and guided reading
Talk to the boys about 3 interesting things each about their day
Make sure and use this time as a teachable moment to teach them about handling a situation if they bring up a frustrating or confusing situation
Make sure and use this time to praise them if they bring up a moment where they made a wise choice
Prep them for doing chores by reminding them to wash their hands first, take care of the dogs, eat a snack, do their homework, then do command central
Get home and assure they wash their hands
Fall onto the bed in exhaustion from the intense conversation and attention required on my part for the last fifteen-twenty minutes
Continue to relax while undertaking the exhausting task of ensuring they get along and complete their chores to your satisfaction
Help with homework
Make sure they ate snack
Make sure they took of dogs
Make sure they did their chores
Fill out any paperwork necessary for items needed at school, field trips, after school clubs, emails to teachers, etc.
Allow them to play when they've finished
Supervise play time and mediate arguments

THIS IS MY DAY EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DAY.

Not to mention the extras I do often - I do a little bit of THESE EVERY SINGLE DAY:

Study for various tests and exams
Write papers and speeches for various classes
Research better ways to do things
Write to externalize and sort out my feelings so I don't bottle them up and explode on you
Contact the outside world of adulthood through coordinating one weekly coffee, one weekly girls night
Speak to my sister to maintain relationships
Organize, inspire, and think out family trips
Organize, inspire and think out weekly dates with you
Organize, inspire, and think out extracurricular activities for the boys
Meet deadlines to register the boys for sports
Take boys to weekly sport practices
Make sure there are no schedule conflicts for weekly boys games
Make sure Justinbustin is well connected in the youth group and available for volunteering, youth group, and extracurricular activities for youth group
Make sure Justinbustin is available for boy scouts
Make sure Justinbustin's boy scout achievements are recorded properly via him and the leaders of the group
Research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping Shawners to discover his passion, including considering a degree in zoology in order to further understand and be able to assist him in refining his passion
Research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping Justinbustin to further his passion, including beating myself up for not enrolling him in robot club, considering finding an architect or engineer to have him intern with, encouraging his newspaper involvement, website devopment, and quest involvement
Currently and recently, research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping you to realize your passion, including considering what I can do to help you feel supported, thinking of new paths for you to take, considering family upheaval and moving, and encouraging you to go beyond what you think you can do and do what I believe you can do

Additional things I do in order to survive at home on a weekly, semi-weekly, or monthly basis, which is the least of my worries:
Keep the showers from being disgusting
Keep the toilets from being disgusting
Keep the floors from being disgusting
Declutter the random crap that gets thrown in corners on a semi-weekly basis
Declutter the refrigerator
Make sure the boys room does not get disgusting
Keep the living room relatively clutter free
Encourage the boys NOT to play video games or be on the computer

These are ONLY the things off the top of my head, not to mention the many things I am SURE I am forgetting. Tell me, fucking tell me PLEASE where in that job description that it says DO NOTHING EVERY SINGLE DAY.

IF I WERE EVER EVER EVER going to keep the house immaculate AGAIN it would be because you are either taking some of those things over or FULLY SUPPORTING me in doing each and every one of them with the house being the lowest priority, i.e. coming home seeing the house a mess and saying WOW YOU MUST HAVE DONE A LOT TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOU DID, I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT ALL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED. Don't come home and see a mess and ASSUME I HAVE DONE NOTHING. THAT IS AN ASSHOLE JERK RESPONSE. You often lament that you don't have time to do ANYthing because I won't let you relax and do anything when you get home. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ANYTHING THAT TICKLES YOUR PICKLE when you don't even RECOGNIZE and APPRECIATE the things I do and WHO I AM.

Think about it.

Randomness

*Decluttered the living room yesterday and LOOOVE the lightness of weight I feel walking into it (our living room also happens to be our office, entry way, and is attached to the kitchen and hallway of the boys room which can become slightly overwhelming)

*Favorite station on Pandora lately: All the Right Moves. It plays favorites like Secrets by OneRepublic and the Scientist by Coldplay.

*I used to wrap myself up in the literal meaning of words, how they were written, grammatical errors, and choice of grammar. I used to be a perfectionist about my own. For some reason, the more I read, the more I learn, the more I see, those things mean less and less. They're still important, but they don't relate as much to me about a person now as their style, their personality, and what they are actually saying, regardless of how it is written, does.

*Obsessed with this post, and the Nicole Kidman like effect, as well as the effortless fun in front of the camera. Makes me want to go do another photo shoot. SO much fun!

Dear Boys,

Justinbustin,

Wow. Justinbustin. Wow. I am bowled over by all you have done this school year. My heart is exploding with pride, and I don't know where to put it but here. You came home the other week telling me you were creating a newspaper with a few of your buddies from school. You told me you had come up with the idea and your friend had implemented it, that the two of you had recruited another friend and together you were coming up with the ideas. One of you was printing the paper, one of you was handing it out, one was writing about origami, you are writing the comics, and another was writing a story.

In the past three weeks your idea has exploded into a team of about ten children. The first week the three, then four, then five, of you were allowed to work on your idea during recess and lunch. All three, then, four, then five, of you worked hard at the computers in the library every single second of recess and lunch, only taking time to scarf down food at the end. The second week your class was grounded from being able to work on the newspaper because you were goofing off. You made a point of telling me you were in the bathroom while this happened and were not a part of it. The third week you were allowed to start back up, and the idea quickly grew.

On Wednesday you came home telling me you gained the support of your teacher, Ms. M, and another teacher in the same grade, Ms. V, and the support of the entire grade's staff of teachers. You told me you were possibly going to put it online, and take photos for the paper. You came home and did research on a school newspaper website link your teacher had given you.

On Thursday, you came home and told me you were recruiting more fifth graders and possibly fourth graders by quizzing them on their skills, either having them already or having to teach them. You made a flier for recruitment that you asked for my assistance with in editing. I was so honored that you would ask me and refrained from giving any ideas at all in order to not water down the fantastic ideas you already had. I helped you with punctuation, and was so proud that you asked me to. Your Dad was bowled over by the language of your recruitment flier.

Today, Friday, when I took you to lunch, you let me know your team, the originals - as you call yourselves, LOVEd the flier, and you were surprised by that. You thought they wouldn't. You told me you had the support of the principal, and the vice principal, and the vice principal was coming to talk to your team. You told me you were taking the paper grade wide, and talking about possibly taking it school wide.

When I came back to school to give you your herbs, your teacher shared with me all the amazing things you had already shared with me. She told me she loves to research and had been fully supporting you by researching. She told me your team is doing 99% of the work, and the rest of them are supporting you. She told me you are working on publishing the paper today for the class, and possibly getting it online next week. As I sat in the hallway taping up math vocabulary words for Shawner's class, she stopped by me again on her way to make copies of the paper to hand out. She told me the school had a school camera you could use, after you told her your Dad has a $2000 camera he is willing to let you use, which he is. She told me high schools and middle schools typically have newspapers, but not elementary schools. She told me there was another elementary school that had a newspaper in our town, and that the city newspaper published it for them. She told me she is going to do research on their paper this weekend. I told her I was in awe.

More accurately, I am in shock and awe. I am speechless. I am in wonder. I so desperately want to make my fb status this: "Jaw dropped and trying to pick it up off the floor. I have raised a man, a leader, a volunteer, a team player. The things he (you) is doing leaves me in shock and awe. Literally." Justinbustin, if you are what happens when one has a child at 17, I would highly recommend every. single. person. have a child at 17. You are amazing. I am bowled over. I am speechless.

Did I forget to mention you have become part of the gifted and talented program? For some reason you had never been tested - I always thought you had been. This year I referred your for testing before school started, and last week you told me you might be in it. This week I stopped by your school to do Wednesday folders and you had a permission slip I needed to sign for the testing. I did, then stopped by the G&T office after to make sure you didn't need anything else from. The teacher told me you needed to pass the creativity test, which you already had with flying colors, and that you needed to have an IQ of 126 or above (not positive on that number) to pass the rest, which she was sure you would pass using one of their tests. She said you weren't feeling well, so if you didn't pass that you could do it another day. She told me she would send the paperwork home with you. You came home that afternoon with the paperwork, testing 97% for the tests you needed, and with a permission slip to join the program. You have been wanting to be a part of this program for a few years now and you are so happy you are now. The kids in your newspaper team are also in the program, and I am glad you will get to spend more time with them being inventive.

You have turned into a man before my very eyes. When I hug your shoulders, I feel the strong, broad shoulders of a man, not a boy. You are up to my lips, and soon you will be taller than me. I am cherishing these days I still don't have to lift my hand up to ruffle your hair, but am looking forward to each moment of you being the man you are and the man you are becoming. I love you.

Love,

Your Oh-So-Proud Mom

Dear Shawners,

This week you made your meerkat animal habitat presentation. You came home last week determined to start it and so excited to do meerkats, just like Justinbustin did in third grade. I saw your habitat in your classroom the other day. You had copied Justinbustin's idea of an underground display as well as an above ground display, but you had hand drawn examples of predators and prey along next to the pictures of the meerkats you printed, cut out, and stood up on your habitat. I am so sad I missed your presentation, and hope you will do one for Dad and I like you talked about.

Today, I came by your classroom to give you medicine. No one was there when I walked in, except for a little girl who told me that your class had put pictures of our town's college football team all over another teacher's classroom, a teacher who likes UCLA's college football team. The little girl said the teacher screamed when she saw it. She told me that the teacher had retaliated by writing remarks on the pictures and pasting them all over your classroom, but that your class hadn't seen it yet. I hung around until your class came back to see yours and their reaction. Your class came back and broke out into your own screams, and then quickly tore the pictures down. My face turned red from keeping the secret and laughing. What a fun camaraderie.

Shawners, your communication is insane. We record or write down SO. MANY. of your sayings. The blog I have for your sayings doesn't even capture it all. Yesterday, you told me you wanted me to read your journal, but that you had to warn me you had drawn a picture of a g*n in it and named it "airass". You left it on my night table for me to discover as I went to bed that evening. I read the journal stories last night to your Dad, and was able to alternate my vocals like a storybook. The story flowed just as you talk.

Your attitude toward school is night and day from last year. Your teacher is organized, kind, firm, but loving, supportive, and encouraging. Your class is the quietest class I have ever seen. You are given the information and then work in groups to discover more information, which was hard for you the first few weeks learning to work with a group. Now you work seamlessly with others, as does the rest of your class.

You have a best friend. I asked you if this person was all that we had talked about at the beginning of this year that a friend should be, after last year's disaster of friends and hurt feelings. I asked him if he was kind to everyone, not just you, and you said he is. I asked him if he was honest to everyone, not just you, and you said he is. I asked him if he helped others, not just you, and you said he does. You want me to set up a playdate with him, but I am confused about his family situation. You say he does not have a mother. You say there was a woman who had him like a mother, but doesn't have a mother. I asked you if he had two dads, and you said no, just no mother. This is where my social awkwardness comes in, and I don't know how to approach having a playdate, but only at our house. Perhaps I could join you on your playdate to his house until I trust the family. But that might be awkward. I'm not sure how to approach this subject, but I don't want to squelch your friendship by being awkward. I hope I do right by you, but we will see how it plays out.

You are playing flag football this season, and you were SO excited about your first game. You told me, "Mom, I forgot to tell you - that was AWESOME!!" with two big thumbs up and a grin. Your coach has twelve kids on a team and it is the first time he's ever coached. He has his hands full, but he is putting his all into it. He feels like he let you down the first game, but none of your team noticed. You all just had fun. He sent out six for your team to memorize before tomorrows game, but heck if I know what they mean. I showed one to you, and you said you know what it is, so I'm not worried about it.

Shawners, you make me smile and laugh. I love when you dance when the music comes on, and lately I've broken out into dance along with you, not caring who's watching. We sang together the other day as I showed you how I was learning to sing in tune to Hey Diddle Diddle while watching the baby I watch. I found it on the internet and sang it for you while you listened. For once, you didn't ask me to stop as you usually do as your naturally in tune ears quickly catch anything off tune. Yay for my voice lesson accomplishing the goal I went in with. Then, I asked you to sing it with me, and you said you it was hard for you to sing loud, so you sang it quietly in my ear with me.

You tell me I'm beautiful. Yesterday, I had my pajama tank top on and had just pulled on jeans for the day. You walked into the room and said, "Mom, you look beautiful." You are such a mini-your-dad with these compliments. You make them at the most random times, when I've just done my hair, just put on a new outfit, pulled up my hair, or just picked you up after you haven't seen me all day. Just like your dad, it seems you think out loud, as you say the comment instantly with seemingly no time for thought processing.

You are an amazing little man, and I love you.

Love,

Mom

Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries

Before the summer swings completely by, I wanted to document some of the things I really loved about this summer. The highlight of the summer was all the outdoor activities I did. From hiking, to paddle boarding, to kayaking, to sailboating, to natural springs, to biking, it definitely was a summer for outdoorsieness and I loved every second of it.

Another huge event this summer was Justinbustin's volunteerism and camps. He volunteered for the A*stin D*saster Reli*f Netw*rk, psychological crisis response training, vacation bible school, the children's ministry, in addition to going on two of his first week long camps - one with boy sc*uts which was seven hours away, the other with his youth group which was two hours away. He also went on his first tubing trip, and all by himself, too. Fifty middle-schoolers and three adults.

Shawners got two new pets this summer - I forget their names, but they are two newts. His collection is up to five now. He really wishes he had a different small dog, though, because Star Bear is a bit of an old lady, and is very submissive as she is a rescue dog which means she turns on her tummy anytime she doesn't want to do something. Submissive, or really smart, I guess - how can you get mad when she's on her tummy? It makes me kind of sad, but at the same time, she broke us in to having a small dog, so I could totally see getting another one. He has also revived his garden after it nearly died on our deck that gets full afternoon sunshine. We have moved it in front of the garage, and with healthy watering, it instantly revived into full bloom flowers and greenery. He has morning glory, a flowering plant that I'm not sure the name of, parsley, strawberries, a ground covering fern, and two new ones he planted that I have no idea of what they are yet. The parsley and the morning glory have been around for a few years now, which is exciting.

Brando continued his photography business over the summer as official photographer for the boy sc*ut troop, and did a few family and pregnancy shoots on the side. His b*nk got r*bbed this summer while he was there, and we spent an intimate night with his coworkers partying and celebrating life, especially as the r*bber sh*t himself afterwards. This was the first time Brando partied on S*xth Street and we had a blast. We went to Hula Hut, Shakespeare's, Rebel's, and Beso Cantina.

This summer I really have started to notice that I'm aging. The whole nearing 30 stage has really hit me and I'm struggling with acceptance. My hugest issue is my forehead. I feel like there is a dent from the hairline to the middle of my eyebrows that I hadn't ever noticed before. Part of me blames school and the stress it has brought, but part of me hopes school really isn't making me age worse. I've been obsessive about it.

Ten things I loved about this summer

*Kayaking with Li, KT, A, and Justinbustin

*Paddle boarding with Li and A

*Finally going to the Blue Hole in Wimberley with the family

*Renewing my vows in Cali

*Taking a road trip to Orange County with Brando

*Watching Justinbustin turn into a little man via volunteering

*Sailboating in the Monterey Bay

*Watching Shawners put on scuba gear and attempt to scuba at the M*nterey Bay Aquarium

*Having both of the boys surf and getting on their boards, then actually being able to watch Justinbustin

*My fantastic birthday which included boating and ATVing.

Today

So many fantastic things happened today. I definitely want to remember them:

*Gave my first speech of my Public Speaking speech class and was shaking like a leaf. However, two of my peers came up to me after class and thanked me for what I said on love. Loved that!

*Met up with KT to get both her's and my car washed. Too fun!

*When I picked up the boys from school today the lady who says the kids name in the pick up lane already knew their name and then said it was the first one of the year she memorized. I cheered for her :) (and the fact that we were the first name she memorized).

*Justinbustin's teacher is the one who walks the boys to the car and she told me today through the car window that she read some of Justinbustin's writing today and then put her hand over her heart and made a "oh that's precious" face. At first, I didn't understand, then I said, "Yeah, his writing can be touching." Justinbustin later said it was because of the scrolly fancy way he writes his letters, but I don't think she would put her hand over her heart for that.

*Shawners gets in the cars and says, "You look sexy." when I'm in jeans and a tank top. He's a little mini-Brando.

*Received my financial aid check for school in the mail today.

*Received our vow renewal pictures in the mail today!

*Ice Cream S*cial for b*y sc*uts tonight

I love...

*going boating, ATVing, to Blue Hole, paddle boarding, Sculpture Falls, to Cheesecake Factory, to see Eclipse, and to Mandola's Italian Market for and around my birthday

*my fun birthday gifts from girlfriends who know me so well - three dresses which I've been dying for cute, fun dresses this summer, lots of perfectly me jewelry with big earrings, long necklaces, and gold hoops which I've so needed, chocolate, and a bathing suit

*my birthday gifts from my sons of chocolate, flowers, and a Hoops & YoYo stuffed creature with stuffed letter blocks that spell out N-I-C-E attached to it that says, "You're so nice. In the dictionary under nice, there's a picture of you! Isn't that great?"

*my birthday gift from my hubby of a massage which I can't wait to take him up on and enjoy a nice, long romantic dinner at the Driskill afterwards

*my oldest son going off to camp for a week and coming home with only a black eye and no broken bones

*my oldest calling me after hospital visit for said incident and interrupting his spiel about camp to ask me, "Mom, can we get a ranch with lots of horses? Or at least four, one for each of us."

*my youngest spending two days and nights with his Auntie Wyn and having her text me what a good job I'm doing with him, and how encouraging he is and how he must've gotten that from somewhere. And hearing his voicemail talking about how he's letting me know he's spending another night and he's sweeping the shop and earning coins from different countries and he loves me and he hopes daddy has a good day doing work stuff

*going to women's leadership meetings and sitting back and absorbing the impact of amazing women who seek to make a difference and who have already made who knows how much difference in countless lives

*being able to celebrate Goldilocks' 30th with her

*seeing good friends and being able to see their faces for a few hours

*good friends to have brunch and coffee with

*taking Shawners to pottery class

*having summer home with my boys

*watching my oldest volunteer with toddlers at church

*my amazing, sexy hubby who brings me chocolate, tells me how beautiful I am, and loves going on dates with me because it makes me feel loved and happy

*girls night with amazing dinners and even better company

*the comfort level of talking to my sister by being on the phone with her while we both go about our business - mine of reading blogs, and hers of organizing the garage

*showers in the afternoon

*thunderstorms while getting ready for the evening

Oh housewife mode, how I love and hate you

Because I'm too lazy to make this four different posts, I will just give it four different titles:

Dealing with Kids

The boys' summer started two weeks ago, but after non-stop volunteering, VBS, and training the last two weeks, it didn't REALLY start until this Monday. Yesterday was spent with me COMPLETELY exasperated at their arguing and antics even while having lunch with a friend, and pleading for help from my sister who gave me the following advice:

Methods for Dealing with Later Elementary and Middle School Age Kids, Specifically Boys

Consequences:

Pushups (10 for Shawners, 20 for Justinbustin) - pull over and have them get out and do if need be

Holding hands

10 Things I appreciate about you (can't do anything until you state those 10 things to the other person)

Rewards:

Pool at end of day

Movie night at end of day

Store

Treat (once a day) when they've been good and we are getting one any way

Volunteer opportunities:

Church - call for specific jobs

I already used the pulling over to have them do pushups (oh so good for getting the energy out of boys), movie night at the end of day (if they were good the rest of the day and SHOCKINGLY they were - even after a morning of pulling my hair out and making me want to scream fighting). Today the goal is being good til' 5pm with the goal of having a movie night. We've already biked to the business center and played two games of pool. They've built a fort in their room. We have four and a half hours left.

On Being a Housewife

As far as the housewife mode, this is the extent of Brando's and my texts to each other this morning:

Me: Falling into depression because I have nothing going on this week. I'm so predictable.

Him: Then go do something. Ride bikes, go to a park, walk town lake with the boys.

Me: Too much work, too hot, and too dirty.

Him: Clean the house, do laundry, clean the boys room.

Me: Too demeaning, too boring, and too many fights.

Him: Research how to market photography on social networks, research how to buy investment real-estate commercial or residential. Figure what you want to do with school.

Me: Hmmm, interesting, lots of work but fun if I can keep it organized, and getting there.

Him: I'm insulted that you find caring for our living space demeaning by the way.

Me: I'm insulted that is all I'm good for.

Him: It's not.

Me: It's the second assumed thing that I'm good for.

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert Book Review and Thoughts

So yeah. I've been reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert and just finished it today. I LOVED it, absolutely loved it. Gilbert fully explored all my own confusions and hangups about marriage and family life by exploring her own confusions and hangups, researching them, interviewing people about them, poring over studies (or more correctly, a study) about them, and drawing her own conclusions. The ending was a neat and tidy, almost quick, wrap up, but after her thorough exploration of all of her confusions it was exactly what was needed. I'm still wrapping my brain around her conclusion myself, but it may have just been the conclusion I needed to quell my own misgivings about this institution of marriage. Maybe marriage, the union of two beings, is something WE created, not the church, the state, the country, or society created, as Gilbert realizes in the end (leading up to this, you would never see this coming, so sorry if I spoiled the ending for you, but honestly, I think knowing that would've helped my own snarky attitude toward my marriage as I read through the book).

The Good

*Bought myself mixed greens, gorgonzola, granny smith apples, and walnut pieces the other day to make a salad together with oil and red wine vinegar for dressing, and today I'm having my third salad of the week!

*Brando has been letting me lean on him (again). Fortunately, he didn't let me fall, so when he had to back off this morning, I was able to right myself. He texted me this morning that perhaps I should go spend the summer with my parents, and when I told him they wouldn't let me, suggested moving across the street with KT just to get my head on straight. Something in me snapped in at that moment and I realized as crappy of a time as I'm having adjusting, at least I'm conscious. I haven't given up, like I did last time. Yes, I'm miserable right now, but it'll get better. It always does. Plus, I would miss him. Maybe not the kids right now, but definitely him. And I texted him so, and we've had a fabulous day since.

*The boys have found their own independence here, which gives my brain a little break. I taught JT how to text this afternoon and they have my cell phone and are off at the business center, texting me via email. My favorite so far? " : ) love you "

*The boys actually did their chores completely today for the first time since we moved!! Yay!!

*The boys helped me clean out the car completely.

*The boys and I made $30 hauling our crap to a friend's garage sale. Now we're saving the rest to have one of our own! I love teaching the boys the value of getting rid of stuff!

*Brando took me on a late night date last night to the D*main at a new place, N*rth, where I had a delicious White Peach Prosecco, he had a mojito, and we shared garlic ciabatta bread with hummus, goat cheese, and pesto.

*Going to a friend's pool party tonight! Can't wait! Speaking of, I'm off to go get ready.

*Oh, and according to a pregnancy test I took last night I'm not pregnant!! Whoo! Still don't have my period which worries me, but perhaps it's the stress. Hopefully, it'll come soon (never thought I'd utter that sentence in reference to that time of the month).

Memories about this weekend I don't want to forget

*Celebrating Justinb's, L's, and Chris's birthdays, celebrating my parents' anniversary, celebrating Mother's Day

*Waking up to a long stem red rose, my favorite Lindt chocolate, and a Mother's Day card from Brando, then a collection of cards, poems, and painted paper weight rocks along with another long stem rose, Lindt chocolate bar, and card from Shawners, and finally another long stem rose, Lindt chocolate bar, and card from Justinb

*Driving around with our five car caravan including my nephews adorable brand new yellow c*rrado - it felt like a scene out of Fast and the Furious, and I just love that we all cared enough to do the same things together - church, brunch, ice cream, Costco, my house.

*Applauding my mother when she came out of the restroom at the restaurant as we'd been waiting on her in group picture form for five minutes

*Having someone ask my sister and nephew's friend if she'd like them to take the picture so she could be in it. After Brando told them she was the one person who didn't need to be in the family photo, my sister ran after them and put her foot in her mouth when she told them that the girl was her "adopted daughter". We all laughed hysterically after she told us and we all, including her, realized what they must've thought when she said we didn't want the "adopted daughter" in the picture

*Taking pictures of Justinb and the boys last night at Austin Parks and Pizza and not being able to get a serious smile out of him as he was having way too much fun and had nothing but huge smiles on his face

*Getting a video of Justinb dancing to the music at the video game arcade last night, then walking outside the arcade to get a video of my Dad doing the same thing - unbeknownst to either of them