What I DO

Said with emphasis to prove a point in an email to Brando. Fortunately, I followed it up with a constructive email (see next post).

As a disclaimer, I do have to say, this is an old argument - one we don't visit every day, or even every six months these days. As you will see in my follow up email we are completely different people today than at the time this issue sent us to counseling four years ago. However, I've discovered one of the difficult things of keeping a marriage alive and fresh, is there are these old arguments, feelings, and resentments that are hard to let go of. I believe one of the keys to being married and continuing to love each other every day and continuing to fall in love is being able to, or at the very least working on, letting go and seeing each other in a fresh new light every day - as if you had met each other that very day. This is us letting go.

Subject: Typical Day

Here is the NOTHING that I do in a typical day:

Wake up
Figure out kids' lunch - be it spend 45 minutes making it like I did this morning for YOU and the boys or figure out how to get $ in the kids lunch account so it's not overdrawn
Make sure the dogs are taken care of and in their places
Make sure the lights are off in the house
Make sure any paperwork the boys need to have at school they have with them
Make sure agendas are signed and homework is completed
Go to class
If I don't go to class, research various things for my own intellectual stimulation and assistance for the family
Figure out lunch for myself
Run any errands I need to, which is usually none, because I don't have the budget
Wait in line for the boys
Pick up the boys
Make sure before we leave the school that they have jackets, lunchboxes, hats, agendas, homework, and guided reading
Talk to the boys about 3 interesting things each about their day
Make sure and use this time as a teachable moment to teach them about handling a situation if they bring up a frustrating or confusing situation
Make sure and use this time to praise them if they bring up a moment where they made a wise choice
Prep them for doing chores by reminding them to wash their hands first, take care of the dogs, eat a snack, do their homework, then do command central
Get home and assure they wash their hands
Fall onto the bed in exhaustion from the intense conversation and attention required on my part for the last fifteen-twenty minutes
Continue to relax while undertaking the exhausting task of ensuring they get along and complete their chores to your satisfaction
Help with homework
Make sure they ate snack
Make sure they took of dogs
Make sure they did their chores
Fill out any paperwork necessary for items needed at school, field trips, after school clubs, emails to teachers, etc.
Allow them to play when they've finished
Supervise play time and mediate arguments

THIS IS MY DAY EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN DAY.

Not to mention the extras I do often - I do a little bit of THESE EVERY SINGLE DAY:

Study for various tests and exams
Write papers and speeches for various classes
Research better ways to do things
Write to externalize and sort out my feelings so I don't bottle them up and explode on you
Contact the outside world of adulthood through coordinating one weekly coffee, one weekly girls night
Speak to my sister to maintain relationships
Organize, inspire, and think out family trips
Organize, inspire and think out weekly dates with you
Organize, inspire, and think out extracurricular activities for the boys
Meet deadlines to register the boys for sports
Take boys to weekly sport practices
Make sure there are no schedule conflicts for weekly boys games
Make sure Justinbustin is well connected in the youth group and available for volunteering, youth group, and extracurricular activities for youth group
Make sure Justinbustin is available for boy scouts
Make sure Justinbustin's boy scout achievements are recorded properly via him and the leaders of the group
Research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping Shawners to discover his passion, including considering a degree in zoology in order to further understand and be able to assist him in refining his passion
Research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping Justinbustin to further his passion, including beating myself up for not enrolling him in robot club, considering finding an architect or engineer to have him intern with, encouraging his newspaper involvement, website devopment, and quest involvement
Currently and recently, research and fully invest every bone in my body in helping you to realize your passion, including considering what I can do to help you feel supported, thinking of new paths for you to take, considering family upheaval and moving, and encouraging you to go beyond what you think you can do and do what I believe you can do

Additional things I do in order to survive at home on a weekly, semi-weekly, or monthly basis, which is the least of my worries:
Keep the showers from being disgusting
Keep the toilets from being disgusting
Keep the floors from being disgusting
Declutter the random crap that gets thrown in corners on a semi-weekly basis
Declutter the refrigerator
Make sure the boys room does not get disgusting
Keep the living room relatively clutter free
Encourage the boys NOT to play video games or be on the computer

These are ONLY the things off the top of my head, not to mention the many things I am SURE I am forgetting. Tell me, fucking tell me PLEASE where in that job description that it says DO NOTHING EVERY SINGLE DAY.

IF I WERE EVER EVER EVER going to keep the house immaculate AGAIN it would be because you are either taking some of those things over or FULLY SUPPORTING me in doing each and every one of them with the house being the lowest priority, i.e. coming home seeing the house a mess and saying WOW YOU MUST HAVE DONE A LOT TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOU DID, I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT ALL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED. Don't come home and see a mess and ASSUME I HAVE DONE NOTHING. THAT IS AN ASSHOLE JERK RESPONSE. You often lament that you don't have time to do ANYthing because I won't let you relax and do anything when you get home. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ANYTHING THAT TICKLES YOUR PICKLE when you don't even RECOGNIZE and APPRECIATE the things I do and WHO I AM.

Think about it.