All In a Day's Work

Yesterday, I...

*held a meeting to discuss wedding flowers

*dropped off a school lunch

*hosted four ladies for lunch to discuss the rest of said wedding

*had a business meeting with my business mentor

*picked my boys up from school

*acted as a water victim for my first-class boy scout to rescue

*worked for three hours while I had four boys in my home 

*drove my son to a youth group event

*had a business meeting with Brando while playing frisbee with our son

Decluttering Heaven

So for the first time Justinbustin and I cleaned his room today without any meltdowns. Really, it's a testament to his maturity, because I still almost melted down. Right after he said he thought I should take a break and I didn't take take a break, which is the funny part. But I didn't melt down. Thank goodness. He is finally mature enough not to cry, whine, and complain when I throw his junk away. He is such a little pack rat, and we are trying so hard to bring him out of that. Today, I threw away three kitchen garbage bags full of trash out of his room, and three and a half kitchen trash bags full of clothes. Keep in mind his room is the size of a closet (mostly because it is a closet, but a very large closet and one that he'd prefer to have as his room than share a room with his brother). There were still boxes in there that he hadn't unpacked from our move back in June. Which is where all the clothes were that his brother and him had been complaining about that they didn't have. Any way it is so clean and it is strange how light and airy it makes me feel in the rest of the house. The rest of the house where I can't even see his room! I've been on a decluttering rampage lately -- my bedroom, the office/lobby, the living room, the shoe area, the garage -- and taking before and after photos because seeing the before once I've gotten to the after is so motivating and rewarding. It's been SO easy to keep clean, and SO easy to quickly declutter now that I've got the deep clean and declutters out of the way. Granted, it's still not decorated (especially our bed, which needs an overhaul), but it still feels put together and therefore is motivating to keep it looking as neat as it is. This just felt like the final straw of decluttering and it makes my heart smile and feel light.

Shift of Focus

I've talked about this before, but my focus has recently shifted from time with my girls, to time with my husband, boys, and our business. It has been interesting to observe what this shift in focus has done. I've discovered I've always been the energy behind my friendships - I'm the one doing the inviting, suggesting plans, thinking of new things to do, and making sure we get together regularly. After being in bed for four weeks, realizing my focus was shifting, and becoming honest with myself through many talks with KT and then, in turn, with my girlfriends about my focus shifting and where I'm at, it's fun to see the turnaround. All of a sudden my girlfriends are stepping up to the plate and asking ME to do things, and making times for ME to meet them places. I can understand why they leaned on me for so long. It's so EASY to say yes when someone else is doing all the work of figuring out where to go, what time, and what day. It's fun being on this end.

By the way, when I say starting a business with Brando, I mean figuring out what the heck running a business is all about. The actual business part is quite a ways away.

Energy

Having a conversation with my BF, KT.

I've been talking to her about spending energy and making the choice where we spend it. Whether on family, career, guys, hobbies. We invest our emotional energy into what we desire to happen in our lives. Five years ago I invested my emotional energy into being able to go out and party, to have girlfriends, to get out and enjoy life, to travel in what capacity I could. And it happened. Boy, did it happen. And I enjoyed five of the best years of my life. I did what I wanted to do, I enjoyed the hell out of it, and I have reaped the benefits of investing my energy with incredible girlfriends.

Now I want to invest my emotional energy in something new. I'm not sure how to balance what I already have with what I want. But I realize what my desire is and I want it, and I want to invest my emotional energy in it to make it happen. I want to start a business with Brando. I want to have that something personal to invest our time into. Something that we can work on together in the long run. Something that will support us, and allow us to be together.

"Once you find your real passions in life you're not going to want to go out with your friends every other night and go party... It's all about being content, and being okay with your feelings. Allowing yourself to heal." -KT

I talked to her about making a choice and a decision then being patient for that decision and doing the right thing to make that choice and decision happen the best way you know how, then somehow we got on the analogy of marathons. How you have to make the choice to run a marathon, then start the training for it, and then once you get there you still have to pace yourself to make it across the finish line. What a perfect analogy for life, really. In life you have to have the desire and make the choice to do what you can do to make that desire happen, you have to train for whatever the desire is, then once you get there you still have to pace yourself to cross the finish line.

KT just told me when we went hiking together with Shawners last year, when he was having a super tough time continuing on, it was hot, and we'd chosen to hike way too long of a hike for an eight year old, and he was breaking down, I told him, "When things gets hard, that's when you have to work the hardest, and if you push through it, you feel awesome and rewarded at the end." I love that she remembered I said that because I certainly didn't remember I said that, and I love that she told me she remembered that. She mentioned she wondered if he thought of that as he was running his marathon last week, and ran each week throughout the year, and how he finally felt that reward at the end of running through the finish line, not even having to stop to get his medal and how that was the best part for him. Maybe he did think of that subconsciously. Brando hears things all the time and subconsciously acts on them as a result. I tend to be more conscious about the things I hear and act upon, but I wonder if he subconsciously thought of that.

"Those people are going to love and support you throughout the times that are really hard and the changes you make, especially the changes you make to better yourself." -KT

One of the realizations I had just now while talking to KT, as well as a combination of doing a survey Teagan had on her blog about how anxious and avoiding we are with the most important people in our lives (mother, father, husband, best friend), was I have been avoiding telling my friends my decision that I no longer have the energy to go out and do the things I used to do with them because I want to put that energy elsewhere because I'm afraid they won't be there for me. All along I've been thinking in black and white terms, that I will have to give up my friends in order to have this new desire in my life.

"You gave me a wake up call, when I was dating Jasen and it was an epiphany for me. It was when I was spending every single day with him and not putting any of my energy towards family and friends. One thing you said completely changed my outlook. I was like wow this girl is my best friend and one of the most important things in my life besides my family. It makes me realize how important friends are. A friend told me when you are older and have your career you will be able to count the true friends that you have on the palm of your hand, and that is so true. And people need to be more okay with." -KT

After talking to KT I realize it's not black and white. It doesn't have to be that way. While I'm realizing I can't be and don't want to be super woman and do it all, I want to make choices to have certain things in my life and invest the energy towards those things. At the same time, the friends that are truly my friends will completely support me in those decisions and be there for me all along and there is no reason to waste all the energy I've already invested into their lives and they into mine. For my part, I have to be honest with them, and with myself, that if I am honest with them and they choose not to be there that I am okay with that, and have to take that chance so that the friends who are truly my friends have the opportunity to continue to be there alongside of me as they want to be, whether I have energy to go out with them or not.

"By the way you've done an excellent job evaluating - sometimes you have to evaluate things in black and white. I've been texting you more because I realize you've needed that time to evaluate. Because only you know what's best for you. Your real friends are going to support you throughout your decisions, when you need to take on the opinion of yourself. Sometimes their opinion isn't needed so that you can take on your own. Doesn't mean you have to completely rib the opinions of others out of your life completely, and not take the advice of others. But there are times that you need to just take the advice of you and yourself . The rewards you get from that are more rewarding than anything else and the epiphanies you get from that self-evaluation are more important than any other advice you can get from any else, not that the opinions from others aren't important on what to do, but it's easier to get opinions from others than do the self-evaluation and find and follow your own opinion." -KT

One of the most rewarding conversations I have ever had with KT was just now when I told her I prayed for Brando before I knew him. That was a hard conversation for me to have with her, because she does not believe in God. But I do. I told her I've been thinking a lot about prayer lately and that I pray to God because I believe he is the only One. One of the Bible verses I grew up with was, "God will give you the desires of your heart." and time and time again I come back to that in prayer. I told her one of the important things about prayer that I've been realizing is that it clarifies our desires so when they confront us we recognize them and can make the choice to accept them and do what we need to do to have them in our lives. After I had Justinbustin, I prayed that God would give him a father before he was old enough to remember, because I couldn't handle him growing up without a father and then having some guy come into his life and be like, oh, hey, by the way, this is your Dad. I couldn't handle that and so I prayed that God would give Justinbustin a father before he was old enough to remember. And when Brando came along, I realized it. I realized he was the right one. He respected his mother, his mother respected his father, his mother called herself grandmother to Justinbustin before Brando and I had even been dating a week. I realized he was the one and I did what I had to do to make it happen. I told her I wasn't in love with him when I married him. I wasn't in love with him until almost two years later. Now I am head over heels butterfly in my stomach takes my breath away in love with him. But that's TEN YEARS LATER. The day I married him I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "R o s e, what are you doing?" I realized I wasn't in love with him, but I also realized he was the right man for me and I made the choice to marry him for that reason. My word, I could not have imagined the benefits that came from that decision.

After all I've said in this post, I realize I need to spend some time in prayer right now for the desires of my heart. I desire to have that something personal where we invest our time into together, to build a company with Brando where we can work together to support our family, where family time is priority, yet we have the gumption and the determination to realize that in order to have family time as priority we have to work together and no amount of arguing and clawing at each other's throats will get us there. Only communication, realization, learning, soaking in wise counsel, and working towards that goal together.

BitchCakes

I don't really know if it's possible to love another blogger you've never met, but this comes close. BitchCakes started her blog when she weighed 200 pounds and still looked amazing. She now weighs 134 and works out more than any person I have ever met. Recently she climbed the stairs of the Empire State building. The words she writes to encourage, inspire, and motivate herself are priceless to anybody working towards any goal. Instead of beating herself up, she gives herself the okay - even for months at a time, and knows she can start back up at any place she desires.

I've been meaning to post her blog for several weeks now, but GFF's recent post finally pushed me to do it. We ALL have different ways of doing things, my bf KT absolutely loves to work out and she wouldn't give that up for the world. She loves the way it makes her feel. I am the opposite. I despise working out, unless it's with a friend, and would gladly eat the healthiest I can in order to avoid the workout room as much as possible though I definitely still need working out for definition and cardio for my tummy! In addition, I love the way eating healthy makes me feel. But it's okay that she's different from me. I have another girlfriend who goes up and down from being exactly my size, is the same height, and has always weighed 20 pounds more than me. The reason she goes up in size? She's been working out even more than she usually does and her legs get bigger - she's a workout fiend, too. I have other friends who control their portions, never look at the scale, and that's how they maintain their size. It takes all kinds of different people to make up this world, as my bf KT would say, and that is absolutely okay.

New Year's Resolutions

Brando did the sweetest thing yesterday in the car on the way to Town Lake for our bike ride and asked us all what our goals, ideas, and things we want to do for the upcoming year are.

Shawners was:

-Wants a laptop

-(oh no! I forget, I will have to ask him again!)

-

Justinbustin wants to:

-snowboard again

-get a laptop

-(oh no! same here)

Mine were:

-Start a work out regime whether it be hot yoga, pole dancing, aerial dance classes, or something else.

-Decorate our home with Brando.

-Support Brando in starting a business this year.

Brando's were:

-Build a business this year

-Work out.

-Have regular family nights/days

-Blog on a regular basis.

It was so good to hear each other's goals and desires and be able to focus on them for each other. Today, Brando and I took our first step towards decorating together! We got some beautiful, functional bookcases at Costco, came home and immediately set them up. Brando and Justinbustin set up the first one together (so sweet!), then Brando set up the second one while Shawners and Justinbustin played Monopoly together. Brando even switched the second one up a bit to make it a little more decorative, put a lamp on it, framed a picture of our wedding renewal, rehung artwork to accomodate the new bookcase, and grabbed flowers from another room to put on two of the shelves. I completed the picture with a vase full of coral from our first trip to Hawaii to celebrate our nine year anniversary. The whole thing makes me smile the hugest smile from cheek to cheek.

Brando also started on his blogging regularly by documenting the process of setting up the bookcase, inspired to not only decorate with me but blog about it by these amazing couples.