Eat, Pray, Love

Oh so excited!! I got chills watching this.

Oh housewife mode, how I love and hate you

Because I'm too lazy to make this four different posts, I will just give it four different titles:

Dealing with Kids

The boys' summer started two weeks ago, but after non-stop volunteering, VBS, and training the last two weeks, it didn't REALLY start until this Monday. Yesterday was spent with me COMPLETELY exasperated at their arguing and antics even while having lunch with a friend, and pleading for help from my sister who gave me the following advice:

Methods for Dealing with Later Elementary and Middle School Age Kids, Specifically Boys

Consequences:

Pushups (10 for Shawners, 20 for Justinbustin) - pull over and have them get out and do if need be

Holding hands

10 Things I appreciate about you (can't do anything until you state those 10 things to the other person)

Rewards:

Pool at end of day

Movie night at end of day

Store

Treat (once a day) when they've been good and we are getting one any way

Volunteer opportunities:

Church - call for specific jobs

I already used the pulling over to have them do pushups (oh so good for getting the energy out of boys), movie night at the end of day (if they were good the rest of the day and SHOCKINGLY they were - even after a morning of pulling my hair out and making me want to scream fighting). Today the goal is being good til' 5pm with the goal of having a movie night. We've already biked to the business center and played two games of pool. They've built a fort in their room. We have four and a half hours left.

On Being a Housewife

As far as the housewife mode, this is the extent of Brando's and my texts to each other this morning:

Me: Falling into depression because I have nothing going on this week. I'm so predictable.

Him: Then go do something. Ride bikes, go to a park, walk town lake with the boys.

Me: Too much work, too hot, and too dirty.

Him: Clean the house, do laundry, clean the boys room.

Me: Too demeaning, too boring, and too many fights.

Him: Research how to market photography on social networks, research how to buy investment real-estate commercial or residential. Figure what you want to do with school.

Me: Hmmm, interesting, lots of work but fun if I can keep it organized, and getting there.

Him: I'm insulted that you find caring for our living space demeaning by the way.

Me: I'm insulted that is all I'm good for.

Him: It's not.

Me: It's the second assumed thing that I'm good for.

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert Book Review and Thoughts

So yeah. I've been reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert and just finished it today. I LOVED it, absolutely loved it. Gilbert fully explored all my own confusions and hangups about marriage and family life by exploring her own confusions and hangups, researching them, interviewing people about them, poring over studies (or more correctly, a study) about them, and drawing her own conclusions. The ending was a neat and tidy, almost quick, wrap up, but after her thorough exploration of all of her confusions it was exactly what was needed. I'm still wrapping my brain around her conclusion myself, but it may have just been the conclusion I needed to quell my own misgivings about this institution of marriage. Maybe marriage, the union of two beings, is something WE created, not the church, the state, the country, or society created, as Gilbert realizes in the end (leading up to this, you would never see this coming, so sorry if I spoiled the ending for you, but honestly, I think knowing that would've helped my own snarky attitude toward my marriage as I read through the book).

I miss everything about you

Like a bird in the sky may we all have wings, as KT's mother has.

KT's mom passed away last week. Her memorial was today. It was a long night o volunteering for the boys when I got the call she had gone into cardiac arrest. The immediate shock left me speechless and KT cut her breakdown short and told herself it would be ok. After a few days of texts I got the message she hadn't made it. I called KT and heard her tears trying not to break down myself. Because then KT would comfort me. That's who she is. A blur of calls, texts, and a week later was her memorial. That was today.

The strength of her family struck me - her two sisters, her, and her dad. Even though each one was falling apart inside, they stood strong for each other, alternately holding each other through their breakdowns. The strength and the grace they have amazes me. I sat down next to KT on the front pew and held her hand and let my tears mingle with theirs.

I don't know if I've ever felt this way before. I was young when my grandpa died and we'd never been close. I would lose my marbles if my mom died. KT's mom dying was like part of my own family. I felt her pain. My reaction was to want to curl up on the floor of the church and cry. I told KT this and she said she would've joined me.

With the stress of volunteer and training this week and going thru this with KT as much as I can the days have run into nights. Ask me when and I don't know. Put me in the drivers seat and I'll get lost. I see her smile everywhere. As I told KT, I see her dancing, all of her physical pain gone. Years of pain released as she dances.

Next week KT and I will go to stbucks and the pool. We will sit and just be and enjoy the water as it flows around us. And laugh, like we always do. Like we did today. To see the humor in life even with the pain. Like KT and her sisters do, cause they are a ball of laughter together, even with the pain.
The only possible good I see coming out of this is KT's determination to live her life as an honor to her mom. She is already strong, now she is determined to be even stronger and see the world as her mother saw it. As a "gentle warrior" as her father called his wife, and he the protector.

Wow. Amazing. Mind Blowing.

*The boys and I have volunteered the last week for a disaster relief training. It has been a gamut of intensely useful information, eye opening experiences, and awe in the capabilities of my children.

*Summer has been mind-blowingly fast, furious, and incredible, between volunteering, training, and VBSs.

*Justinb, as part of volunteering, fixed a computer technical problem on stage during and for a power point presentation when two other adults couldn't. I was floored.

*Justinb, Shawners, and I, all got to participate as actors in a disaster simulation designed to train rescue teams complete with dark rooms filled with smoke and debris. I alternated between the unconscious one who needed a chin lift to breathe again, finding my dead friend and not wanting to leave her body, and being traumatized. What an incredible learning experience. Justinb and Shawners started off together with a timber on Justinb. Unfortunately one of the rescuers DROPPED the 2x4 on him and he was out for the count with a big goose egg. Poor guy. Shawners took a break, but came back to be unconscious with me (the first time no rescuers found us and left us in the destroyed building!!), then wondered around confused with another actor. Incredible, incredible learning experience, and I can't wait to go through the training myself!

*My sister is an incredible motivator. As her friend puts it, children need roots and wings. My sister is incredible at giving them wings. I have totally placed their volunteer desires in her hands and she gives them responsibilities I would never dream they were capable of. And they take it and run with it and do better than an adult would with it!! It floors me.

*Since Justinb is hitting middle school, I have turned into a chauffeur. What a different role than Mommy who makes every decision and plan. Now he makes the plans, I agree, and I get him to where he needs to go to make his own decisions. We're still figuring out the issue of still needing to respect Mom and Dad even with all this independence. He's aware of it so that's a start.

*My email addy is changing so I am going through the much needed done any way job of culling Brando's old contacts and emailing my current contacts with my new address. Needed, but mind-numbing, especially because it's taken two hour and I still have contacts to email. I can only email so many at a time. I wish I had more brain power to write this post, but I got to what I want to remember.

Something I find interesting about my kids growing up...

And something "they" don't tell you.

They grow into little people who have their own ideas, thoughts, and opinions.

Yes, of course they have these when they are little, along with a bundle of personality to boot. But they don't exert them, and it's easier for you to control what where and how you do what you and they do. Plus their fascination is on overload so ANY exciting thing you do they are immediately fascinated with - bug festivals, dragon boat races, sprinkler parks, batman festivals, doesn't really matter what it is as long as it involves going to do it.

When they are older they all of a sudden get opinionated... one is interested in technology and engineering, the other in plants and animals, or whatever their interests. All of a sudden dragon boat races hold no allure - they're not specializing in canoeing after all, they've grown out of batman festivals, bug festivals hold no long term interest - they know it's not something they are going to do with their lives - and the things they are truly interested in are the only things that hold allure anymore.

They stop doing things WITH you. This is especially true with boys - with girls there is always shopping, girl talk, and girl movies. They start doing things independently of you.

At the same time, they also become your army of men. They open doors for you, give you afternoon hugs, ask what they can do to help around the house.

But it's not the same.

They no longer hold that young fascination, and instead are working on the challenges of cultivating their passions, discovering how to be mature, experimenting with service, and figuring how to be a grown up.

Shawners is still in the fascination stage a teensy bit, but he's getting there. I can still point out neat things that has nothing to do with his passions and he'll be interested, and curious.

Justinbustin is there. He knows what his interests are in school, sports, and extra-curricular activities, he's working ever so hard on opening that door without being reminded and manly sucking it up when he's not pleased with a situation, he wants to volunteer for VBS this summer, his Sunday School class graduated into the youth group and along with thirty other kids welcomed the middle school era along with a summer of relay races, pool parties, service opportunities, and summer camps, and he's oh so concentrated on doing the best that he can with the responsibility we give him in order for us to give him more.

It's amazing. Scary. A little too much at once. But needed. And I am so glad he is going through it now instead of wallowing in being a child. I say I'm glad but every time I think about him maturing so much it hits me like a brick wall. And then I smile and say, it was going to happen one day, I'm glad it's happening now.

Start of Summer

Today officially starts summer for me as the boys are out of school. I took my last two weeks off of school to decompress, be totally lazy, and do nothing but blog, lounge, and eat around the house. I'm glad I did, because it sounds like an oxymoron, but now that summer has started good-bye being lazy!

Justinbustin had a sleepover last night (his first at this particular friend's house, Lukie's), and Shawners was off to camp this morning at 7am. Shawners is staying with VBS's and cub sc*ut camp this summer, and Justinbustin is moving on to the bigger boy activities - volunteering at activities, boy sc*ut camps, youth group get togethers, etc. Their calendar is packed full of fun activities and I am the lucky driver.

My payback is still having some alone time at the house - this morning I used my alone time to clean Shawner's room since he so sweetly offered to give me his honor roll free ice cream if I would, as it has gotten too overwhelming for him to do on his own. Plus, there's quite a few boxes still unpacked in their room. After the flurry of moving help, I thought I could unpack the rest of the boxes on my own, but turns out I haven't. I want to declutter, yet decluttering and unpacking prove to be too overwhelming for me. I love having someone there to unpack while I put items in the "give shit box" (a term Li and M came up with to make giving away and getting rid of crap I don't need easier - it worked) and throw away box.

Hopefully, I'll be able to use some of that alone time for poolside drinks with Li since she is off for the summer as well, and KT, whose work schedule allows her day time.

For now, I'm happy the kids will be occupied during the summer, and I still get some alone time.

Yum!

How is it I have so much good food in my house and didn't realize it? I just made this deliciousness of a frittata using Eating for England's guidelines, only I used tomato, onion,

and gorgonzola - with mexican cheese on top (how is it I feel racist using that term, even though that's what Kraft labels it?).

Oh, and yes, it absolutely was a fifteen minute meal, even without ever having tried it before.

My Awesome Sexy Hubby

Just had to write this down before I forget. Brando was home sick yesterday and this morning and mostly in bed. I didn't do much except chill on the computer next to him, took the boys on errands and lunch in between dropping them off and picking them up at school, and went to get dinner. Regardless every time I walked in the bedroom and he was awake he would say something sweet usually involving sexy or gorgeous.

In one particular instance he says as I walk out to go pick up the boys, "You are amazingly gorgeous even when you're all tired and poopy." as I had been chilling tired and cranky on the bed for the last hour.

As I wrote on my faceb*ok the other day: "I'm not out of it lately, but I am enjoying Brando's company way more than I should be after ten years of marriage. We have so much fun together I'm going out less and less. Correction: Not way more than I should be but way more than I thought possible after ten years of marriage!

I feel like a giddy school girl dating him, my every thought totally wrapped up in the next time we get to hang together. I'm enjoying the rest of life, too, but based on looking forward to when I get to spend time with him. And I'm trying very hard not to abandon my girlfriends while feeling this way!! I used to be a night owl, and I'm okay giving that up, but I'm trying hard not to lose my night owl friends in the process. I may be there again, but not right now. I'm loving falling asleep cuddled up next to Brando and don't want to trade that for a night of loud crowds, bar smells, shouting over the music, and waking up funky and cranky the next day even if it means I spent an evening with my girls.