I miss everything about you

Like a bird in the sky may we all have wings, as KT's mother has.

KT's mom passed away last week. Her memorial was today. It was a long night o volunteering for the boys when I got the call she had gone into cardiac arrest. The immediate shock left me speechless and KT cut her breakdown short and told herself it would be ok. After a few days of texts I got the message she hadn't made it. I called KT and heard her tears trying not to break down myself. Because then KT would comfort me. That's who she is. A blur of calls, texts, and a week later was her memorial. That was today.

The strength of her family struck me - her two sisters, her, and her dad. Even though each one was falling apart inside, they stood strong for each other, alternately holding each other through their breakdowns. The strength and the grace they have amazes me. I sat down next to KT on the front pew and held her hand and let my tears mingle with theirs.

I don't know if I've ever felt this way before. I was young when my grandpa died and we'd never been close. I would lose my marbles if my mom died. KT's mom dying was like part of my own family. I felt her pain. My reaction was to want to curl up on the floor of the church and cry. I told KT this and she said she would've joined me.

With the stress of volunteer and training this week and going thru this with KT as much as I can the days have run into nights. Ask me when and I don't know. Put me in the drivers seat and I'll get lost. I see her smile everywhere. As I told KT, I see her dancing, all of her physical pain gone. Years of pain released as she dances.

Next week KT and I will go to stbucks and the pool. We will sit and just be and enjoy the water as it flows around us. And laugh, like we always do. Like we did today. To see the humor in life even with the pain. Like KT and her sisters do, cause they are a ball of laughter together, even with the pain.
The only possible good I see coming out of this is KT's determination to live her life as an honor to her mom. She is already strong, now she is determined to be even stronger and see the world as her mother saw it. As a "gentle warrior" as her father called his wife, and he the protector.