A New Day

This weekend was such an upper that I knew the down was coming. I just didn't expect it to feel quite so alone.

No school for me this semester. I'm taking a break - to find a job, to support Brando, to de-freakin-stress, to whatever. It's a weird feeling. It's been me for a year and a half now. It's a good feeling, though.

No school may be contributing to the alone feeling - I'm alone when the boys and Brando go to school and there's no classroom environment and what intellectual stimulation and little conversation that provides when one pays attention to break up the monotony.

I woke up early this morning to get the boys to school the minute the doors opened so they would have some time to settle in and get used to being back in school again. Shawners was so cute last night he says, "I don't know why, but I'm nervous about tomorrow." I told him that was normal because there will be a lot of people (something that makes him nervous) and he hasn't done it for two weeks, but the good thing is everyone else hasn't been there for two weeks either and all of them have taken vacations, seen grandparents & family that they will be excited to talk about. Even though he said he won't talk about it, I said maybe somebody else will mention something that will remind him of something that happened on vacation that he will want to talk about. After that, he said, "Can we go through the schedule in the morning?" to which I said yes, and he continues, "Wake up, take the dogs potty, feed and water the dogs, do my chores real quick, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth and hair, get water and snack, and put back pack in car." So organized, that one. I told him wow, that's awesome that he thought about all that and it reminded me I needed to wake up and make them lunch, which is part of the reason I was able to get up early this morning and get their lunches together and get out the door before the school doors opened (a huge feat for me - not for them).

And now the house is quiet and I feel quite alone. There is a lot to do around the house, but now I see it and think once it's done I have nothing else to do. Hopefully that won't stop me from doing it this time like it has in the past. This is my down. And this is me trying to be okay with it.