Drop Dead Diva

Watched Drop Dead Diva from beginning of the season to end this week. Super cute so if you have some downtime before Hulu takes it off on June 6th, watch it.

Oh my gosh

I am so, SO torn inside. I just sent an appeal letter to Justinbustin and Shawner's school I want them to be in SO bad this year. I just found out they have all but fourth grade closed to transfers for next year. My backup plan is to homeschool them and that will totally throw off my own schooling. I am crossing my fingers and trying to think of every. possible. way. I could get them there besides walking away from our lease and moving to a home the four of us can't agree on. I am so, SO torn. Praying that God opens ears and hearts right now and they take the boys under their wing as they did with Justinbustin two years ago.

Content

Here I sit in my pjs, glasses, and freshly shampooed hair watching back episodes of Drop Dead Diva. KT texted me earlier asking what I was up to tonight, and I forgot to respond until this evening, then Mar called me just now to ask if I wanted to head downtown to meet up with her and friends. Yet, here I sit, perfectly content. Had dinner with the family, hot sex with Brando, cuddled up next to him watching a show for a bit, now he's working on his resume, and I'm watching my show. Content. And perfect.

The Good

*Bought myself mixed greens, gorgonzola, granny smith apples, and walnut pieces the other day to make a salad together with oil and red wine vinegar for dressing, and today I'm having my third salad of the week!

*Brando has been letting me lean on him (again). Fortunately, he didn't let me fall, so when he had to back off this morning, I was able to right myself. He texted me this morning that perhaps I should go spend the summer with my parents, and when I told him they wouldn't let me, suggested moving across the street with KT just to get my head on straight. Something in me snapped in at that moment and I realized as crappy of a time as I'm having adjusting, at least I'm conscious. I haven't given up, like I did last time. Yes, I'm miserable right now, but it'll get better. It always does. Plus, I would miss him. Maybe not the kids right now, but definitely him. And I texted him so, and we've had a fabulous day since.

*The boys have found their own independence here, which gives my brain a little break. I taught JT how to text this afternoon and they have my cell phone and are off at the business center, texting me via email. My favorite so far? " : ) love you "

*The boys actually did their chores completely today for the first time since we moved!! Yay!!

*The boys helped me clean out the car completely.

*The boys and I made $30 hauling our crap to a friend's garage sale. Now we're saving the rest to have one of our own! I love teaching the boys the value of getting rid of stuff!

*Brando took me on a late night date last night to the D*main at a new place, N*rth, where I had a delicious White Peach Prosecco, he had a mojito, and we shared garlic ciabatta bread with hummus, goat cheese, and pesto.

*Going to a friend's pool party tonight! Can't wait! Speaking of, I'm off to go get ready.

*Oh, and according to a pregnancy test I took last night I'm not pregnant!! Whoo! Still don't have my period which worries me, but perhaps it's the stress. Hopefully, it'll come soon (never thought I'd utter that sentence in reference to that time of the month).

The Good...

*WARNING: Vent/pity party post ahead*

Wow, I started on such a high of good, anything seems to pale in comparison. I feel like I'm a broken record but I have been REALLLLY cranky. I really hope I'm not pregnant. The days are seeming to drag on and on and on.

With this move I'm starting to question myself on everything. While my head is cleared and I feel like I can actually THINK again, I'm starting to wonder what the hell AM I thinking? My counselor says I think too long term, but what are we if we don't think long term? I live in the moment PLENTY and that has gotten me... well, here. What about getting THERE, where I want to be?! How am I supposed to get there?!

I'm sure this is a REALLY bad PMS week or being pregnant (I always was moody pregnant).

Being here in this apartment feels a little cagey. I'm appreciating being closer, but I forgot what the cage feeling was like without having room for the kids to run and be. I couldn't bring myself out of my head in the house, so I am glad we are back, but now I can't wait to be in a house AND be close to town. It wasn't possible to do right away, so this is a good interim step, but that brings me back to planning for the future. Where IS close to town that works for room, schools, family, and friends?! We sort of shot ourselves in the foot moving to an apartment and having the kids grow up where we wouldn't be able to afford a home in the first place (all the homes around here are $500k+). So many thoughts are raging in my head, and I just want to get them OUT.

The Good

*Finished cleaning the house. Thank God for all the help from friends and family, as I'm sure I would have many more blisters, cuts, soreness, and stress if they hadn't!

*Iced coffee at Starbucks

*Lunch with my sister

*Shawners calling me and describing in detail that he "needed his library book, Meerkats, M-e-e-r kats, in the back of the car behind the driver's seat," and "he needed it before PE and Theatre Arts."

*Brando's sweet texts even though I've been venting and pissed off all day.

*Having the remote to the garage programmed, even thought it came at the expense of being locked out for an hour last night.

I'm stretching here... this is hard to do today.

Crankiness

I have been SO cranky lately. No idea why. Could be I'm PMSing, could be I'm not (which would mean something else entirely). I'm so stressed lately I think that's where my time of the month has gone and I don't really remember when I'm supposed to be getting it. I had been getting it around the 12th. After my detox my time went to about 28 days. Prior to that it had been 31 days. Between the stress and not eating as healthy lately, I wonder if it's gone back to 31 days. BUT I took my calcium this afternoon so hopefully that helps. Plus, we are all settled in, now I just need to get back to enjoying life and being motivated. May take awhile for me to do.