Ugh. Why does church throw me off so these days? We go once in how many years and I'm a freaking mess. Perhaps because I realize everything we're not instead of appreciating what we are. Whatever it is I walk away bitter and hateful against everything especially those who fucking judge us for not going to church or not doing enough. I think I'm still not over what Brando's supposed friends did to us, and I'm bitter over it. I haven't forgiven them, and the only person it's destroying is me. That and my family when I let my feelings affect them. I don't know how to get over it. I am so angry towards this person I thought was my friend. Years have passed and still it affects me. She emailed me via linked in the other day. Seriously?! Who does that?! It's not like she can't get my fucking phone number which hasn't changed. Regardless I SO BADLY want to go back to where we were, to be friends, to hang out as couples, to feel like they were a special part of our family as they felt, but how can you do that when someone holds your every move against you and holds their own insecurities against you? Not communicating back is against my nature, but what am I to say, to open myself up to be hurt and waste energy once again? I'm wasting energy thinking about it, I guess I might as well waste energy talking to her about it.

Ugh. I must be PMSing hard again. Why the fuck has my PMS been so flipping harsh lately? I thought I'd figured that out years ago.

I can feel myself falling and bed sounds like a pretty nice place to retreat to.