Work

I love who I am when I work.

Why am I afraid to work?

I'm afraid to have it all.

One might think staying home is having it all.

It is. In a sense.

Only I don't shop. I don't decorate my home. I don't eat out or go out.

So no. It's not having it all.

It's having the most important thing.

Being able to be home to parent my kids.

Having the energy to hang onto my husband with every thread of my being even when society and friends are telling me to walk away.

Having my husband hang onto me with the same passion being willing to go wherever I go just so I'm happy.

I want to be able to work and not be afraid of these things falling by the wayside.

I realize it's possible.

I've seen amazing people, women, and families do it.

I just don't know how.

I want to know how.

Yesterday I came across a website called Pursuit 31 via a friend and asked myself the questions asked on the website.

I haven't pushed hard enough to be where some of those questions are asking about but I had a sense of familiarity with quite a few.

Made me realize what a different generation we are living in.

I'm not the only one who wants this.

There are others out there.

And there are others out there who are doing a whole lot more about it than me.

They are out there with their families and their husbands and DOING it. Making it work and figuring it out along the way.

Now that I think about it. The marriages I've seen tragically fall apart - the ones that I reference in my brain when I hang onto my marriage with wee fibre of my being even when things are rough - the woman didn't work.

Now I'm going to go do some analysis and try to figure out where the hell I based my thinking of not working will keep my marriage together thoughts.