Just read my diary I kept from the age of 8 to age 17, 3 days after I had Justinbustin.

Thoughts:

When my parents pulled me out of school at eleven my entire demeanor and outlook changed to one of boredom and tantrums.

When I went to an ATI conference at twelve I got completely brainwashed not in a good way.

When my parents put me back in school at thirteen a few days a week I didn't do a whole lot of school but it started to even out with the brainwashing.

At thirteen or fourteen I discovered boys.

At fourteen I started working a lot.

At fourteen I applied to a christian college and got denied acceptance (couldn't be because I was 14 could it? ha! somehow my fourteen year old self just wrote it off). I don't mention college again in my diary.

At sixteen I meet Justinbustin's biological father.

At seventeen I have Justinbustin and as Brando puts it 'I sound exactly the way I do now' when I write a letter to Justinbustin about how much I love him and God's plans for his life.

SO interesting to read all this - especially how my entire outlook on life changed to ones of temper tantrums (at ELEVEN?! being taken out of school so screwed with my head) and SO MUCH boredom (before that I'd write about my days and really didn't look inwardly at all - even when I go back to school at 13 for a few days a week my outlook immediately changes to that - a much, much healthier outlook as far as reading it and remembering it).

Then, being brainwashed at fourteen. It's almost embarrassing to read! You can see how desperate I am for SOME sort of life that I latch on to this brainwashing crap ATI stuck down my throat. Fortunately I let go of it around fourteen when I attend a youth conference with less brainwashed more normal people, and start discovering boys :) .

Just had to spill all those thoughts out, even if they don't make sense to anyone but me. Someday I'll scan the pages of my diary and put it on it's own blog. Once I finally got past being sad about reading it I had so much fun reading it all this morning and reflecting on my childhood years.

At one point I say "my parents have to realize they can't just start making up rules when their kids are teenagers". Crossing fingers I hang onto that for my kiddos, lol.

Something else that struck me - my parents started a parenting class when I was TWELVE. Seriously?! They'd already had two teenagers before me and my older sister. I'm not one to judge, because I haven't been through it twice, but really, shouldn't they have been doing those kind of classes beforehand? On top of that, it was an Ezzo class. Horrific and all about black and white.

Another thing that struck me is Christmas day when I was eight - I don't even mention that it's Christmas. We go to the beach and I talk about how much I love the beach, but we didn't celebrate Christmas at that time in my family. I did mention the day before that "I will remember Christmas Eve in the '89 as yuk!" Interesting how Christmas was still a good day to me, even with no mention of Christmas.

I end the diary three days after I have Justinbustin with a letter to him about his future. I read it to him the other day while letting him steer the car from the passenger's seat going sixty mph down the highway. When I was done reading he says, "That was the best moment of my life for two reasons." I said, "Because you were driving down the highway at sixty mph?" and he says with a grin, "Yes, and you reading that to me." Heart melts.

That's all the thoughts I have for now that I thought of as I read it and wanted to remember.

Almost thinking of making this post private. But oh well. They are me. And right now I feel like I am writing like my darn thirteen and fourteen year old self again except for that last paragraph! Like how you can revert back to being a child when you're around your parents. Brings up so many memories like they were yesterday!!