Justinbustin went to a birthday party sleepover last night and watched his first rated R movie. Insert screams here. SERIOUSLY. The only reason I'm aware of this is because I was there hanging out with Brando and the parents and the dad comes out to their saltwater spa and says some kid (some "kid" being another of Justinbustin's friend, who I'm so proud of for speaking up and leaving before the movie started, he's another good kid) was asking what the movie was rated. The dad told him he didn't know, but the kid said his parents would want to know, and so the dad told him to just tell his parents he was watching Bambi. Insert expletive here. Who tells a kid to freakin' lie to their parents?!!?
At that point, I went inside to watch whatever Justinbustin was watching so I could talk to him about what he was watching afterwards. I wasn't going to pull him away and have him be uncomfortable at school next week as I'd already said he could spend the night, but I darn well was going to know what he was watching. It was The Killers with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl. So not appropriate for an eleven year old with violence every second, talk about sex, and "nice boobs" as one of the ELEVEN YEAR OLDS commented until Justinbustin's friend who's birthday party it was says, "Justinbustin's Mom is right here." and turns around and looks at me. Fortunately, he (the birthday boy) is a good kid and kept looking back at me, like, 'I know you're not okay with that' until finally he says "Hi" and I give him a terse smile and say hi back. Justinbustin was looking back at me, too, and I gave him a look of 'you know I'm not okay with this, but I'm not going to be that mom that pulls you out of this situation and takes you home when I already said you could spend the night'. I did pull him aside to inform him this was his first rated R movie he's ever seen and make sure he could handle it without nightmares that evening. He said he was fine. Ughhhhhh.
The conversation leading up to me going in to see what the boys were watching wasn't much better. The parents are from Europe (by the way, I'm not judging, they are fantastic people, they just come from a TOTALLY different culture and one I don't agree with!! to each their own, but it doesn't mean I have to live that way) and are totally okay with sex. The Mom was talking about how their sixteen year old daughter (another fantastic kid) and their boyfriend have sex and they totally don't care and are okay with it - that they would rather have her do that than drugs and alcohol. As far as the rated R movie, they said they'll see it all on the computer any way, there's no filter there. I was like, "Like hell there's not. I have Safe Eyes on my computer." They joked that I have it for Brando, too, which was kind of insulting to tell the truth like I'm supposed to parent Brando?? But I was like, "Oh, no, we dealt with that a loooooong time ago." and we did.
Ugh, now that I'm writing this out, I see it for what it is. Yeah, I think they're fantastic people, but as far as their opinions, they can shove it where the sun don't shine. After this conversation, the Mom proceeds to jump down my throat about how I should think long and hard about if I want another baby (I guess Brando mentioned this to her because she started jumping down my throat as soon as I came back), that if all I want is to hold and cuddle a baby I should just get a puppy like they're puppy. WTF?! Screw you, lady. You don't know me from Adam. You don't know ANYthing about me. And you don't know that I went through five years of not wanting to be around babies because I was so tired of being needed 24/7. You have no idea that me wanting another child is a miracle, and that me wanting to have another blessing is another miracle, and that I've made a complete 360 and see children for the incredible blessing they are and am SO SAD I didn't have more when I was younger and want to make up for it now. Screw her for comparing that to getting a puppy - that's like Brando's Mom telling us we wanted to play house when we got married (part of the reason I moved 2400 miles away!) - she's since had a different view, but who was this lady from Adam to compare me wanting to have another child to getting a flippin' puppy. Then I tell her we have considered adopting as well (don't know why I told her that - she didn't need to know crap at this point), and she proceeds to tell me that it's normal for a mother to want to adopt because they have enough love for all children, but it's different for the dad, it's not natural. I laughed, and said, "That's not true with Brando."
I'm definitely proud of my in-your-face responses to her completely unwelcome "advice" when this is the second time I've hung out with her. I will give her the fact that she was a little toasty (as was Brando - oh my word, I had to carry that boy home), so I will give her another chance. But I am going to keep my guard up. I am way too susceptible to strong-willed people and tend to let their opinions worm into my heart. I am so, so, SO glad I wrote this out to see that she was doing the same thing. That's the kind of advice you give a best friend after you've known them for years and know if that's truly the case with them or not. In this case, one, she's not even a close friend, and, two, she doesn't know the first thing about me and hadn't asked before dispensing advice.
Edited to add: I just vented this whole post to Brando and realized that's not even a close or best friend's advice -- as my best friend from childhood, Kammi, asked me over and over before we had Shawners, "Are you SURE you want to do this? Are you SURE you want to do this?" She never once told me what I SHOULD do, she just made sure this is what I wanted and then backed me 100% plus. THAT is the kind of advice a best friend gives.
Another thing to add to the stressor list: people who dispense advice and tell me what I should do when they don't know the first thing about me and don't bother to ask me questions to get to know me. Edited to add: Regardless of whether they know me or not, add to the stressor list people who tell me what I should do. Regardless of whether I've asked for their input, I don't know a single one of my true friends who WOULD tell me what I should do. They'd only offer their thoughts, experience, insights, or tell me to do it if they knew I need to hear it and have asked them to tell me it -- like getting rid of crap, lol, but not ever with what I should do with my personal beliefs, relationships, or actions.
Ahhhh, that feels good to write and get off my chest.
Another thing to add to the stressor list: people who dispense advice and tell me what I should do when they don't know the first thing about me and don't bother to ask me questions to get to know me. Edited to add: Regardless of whether they know me or not, add to the stressor list people who tell me what I should do. Regardless of whether I've asked for their input, I don't know a single one of my true friends who WOULD tell me what I should do. They'd only offer their thoughts, experience, insights, or tell me to do it if they knew I need to hear it and have asked them to tell me it -- like getting rid of crap, lol, but not ever with what I should do with my personal beliefs, relationships, or actions.
Ahhhh, that feels good to write and get off my chest.
Edited to add: Holy #@$@ I just keep thinking of more. She also made fun of our vow renewal - it didn't help Brando was drunk adding on to the story and running on about small details about our first wedding that made no difference but no matter - she was like, "Oh, you promise to love him forever now?" I told her that it meant a lot to us, that we told each other what the last ten years have meant to us and that we love each other even more now (again, no idea why I told her any of this information - it was none of her business and she certainly didn't ask about any of it) and she was like, "Nooo, you don't love each other more now." What the hell, lady? Have you lived my life the past ten years? F*ck no, you haven't. Lol, Brando could tell I'm really angry because I dropped a lot of f bombs in my vent. He tried to get me to stop with the f bombs, but I told him, no, I have to get this off my chest.
And now I'm realizing I need coffee with my KT. She always makes me feel better about how crazy people can be in this world. And just thinking of having coffee with her makes me smile :) .
Edited to add: The more I think about this, I realize I'm angry at myself for not recognizing this kind of thinking off the bat. This is what I should've recognized right away with this couple and with this lady (two people I'm sure I wrote posts about, but don't really care enough to go find those posts right now) and didn't for a long time. And now I'm angry at myself for not recognizing it with this lady right away. But, hey, the next day isn't bad! I'm glad at least for that! And now I have a key clue to tell myself to watch out for these kind of people and keep my distance immediately: when they start telling me what I should do, instead of encouraging me, asking about me, sharing about themselves, and becoming a friend, a supporter, an encourager, and allowing me to be the same for them.
Edited to add: The more I think about this, I realize I'm angry at myself for not recognizing this kind of thinking off the bat. This is what I should've recognized right away with this couple and with this lady (two people I'm sure I wrote posts about, but don't really care enough to go find those posts right now) and didn't for a long time. And now I'm angry at myself for not recognizing it with this lady right away. But, hey, the next day isn't bad! I'm glad at least for that! And now I have a key clue to tell myself to watch out for these kind of people and keep my distance immediately: when they start telling me what I should do, instead of encouraging me, asking about me, sharing about themselves, and becoming a friend, a supporter, an encourager, and allowing me to be the same for them.
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