Lots o' changes

Lots o' changes coming up. My kid is becoming more internet savvy and we've realized we haven't taught him internet safety. We've just tried to make sure he stays out of that stuff without actually talking to him about it.

Figures, my kid is into computers with the amount of time I spend on computers.

Somehow, I've managed to spend five years online conversing with people I've never met, and then actually meeting some of them and some of them becoming my closest friends, yet, the cat has my tongue when it comes to talking to my kid about it.

I always wondered when this day would come. It's here.

I apologized to him today for being guarded with him in questions he has about life. I tend to be guarded in person, to my friends, and to other people period. This weekend I realize I'm guarded with my own kids. The only person I am not guarded with is Brando. This is because I can fly off the handle with him and he still loves me. He knows my deepest heart of hearts and he loves me for that. I guess I'm realizing I don't even trust my kids with that. (side track: just read a comment on my last post by Mrs. A and realized the only other person(s) I'm not guarded with is this blog, and those who read it. i need to create the openness I have here with my children, which brings tears to my eyes as I think about it - probably doesn't help I'm listening to the post from that song right now too :) .)

Trust, but verify.

These are words I heard from another mom of a teenage today, with a family that has similar beliefs and values as we do. These are words her husband likes to say. I love it. I'm forever arguing with my kids about trusting or not trusting them. This way I can tell them I trust, but I'm going to verify. That's my job.

I talked to yet another mom of one of Justinbustin's close friend. She was blindsided this last week when she found out her son was dating a girl. Innocent enough, just as Justinbustin's facebook was, but still information he chose to keep from her. The girl had asked him out and he went with it. Once his mom found out though she kept the freak out mom calm (she used those words, and I'm so glad she did, made me feel better about wanting to completely flip out when I heard about the facebook situation) and talked to him about. Asked him if he really wanted to be in a relationship. He said no because this girl wants him to spend all his time with her - at recess, at lunch, when they're hanging out with friends. After his mom talked to him they mutually called it off and he told his mom it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to hang out with her anymore.

I was so incredibly glad I had called her and talked to her and she had dealt with a similar situation this week. Justinbustin is such an AMAZING guy and sometimes all I can see is the negative. I need to learn how to focus on the positive and not mom freak out on the rest when it comes up, but rather TALK TO HIM about it. Keep the lines of conversation open.

REALIZE I have been on this earth seventeen years longer than him, and the time I've spent on earth longer than him I've learned lessons that he hasn't and I can share what I have learned with him.

As the Bible says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 I wish somebody had told me about this verse or I had read it a long time ago. I've spent a lot of time letting people look down on me I am young, including myself. No more. I have been keeping this verse in mind since I saw it somewhere - oh, yeah, on my kid's youth group facebook lol - and have been mulling it over. Now, I am realizing I need to put it into effect. Especially when it comes to my kid and sharing what God has already taught me with him.

Another verse I've been thinking a lot about recently is, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest." Galations 6:9 . I see that as our children's lives are the harvest, and if we do not grow weary the harvest will come. Sometimes, I get SO TIRED. I realize I am not the only one. Parenting is so, so, so tiring. And sometimes I feel like giving up. It is SO MUCH work to guide another human being in growing in character, and the light, and the truth. It's difficult enough to do for myself, but then to do it for ANOTHER PERSON? Oh my goodness, some times I just want to sleep. It is those moments, I need to keep this verse in mind. Do not grow weary, for in due time you will reap a harvest.

Another verse talks about training up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 is the verse. I tie this verse into the not growing weary one. I realize as much as I've had to relearn from my parents, their core goal of loving God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and eating healthily with lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as staying away from doctor's as much as possible and drugs that are poisons for your body, whether prescribed or not, has stuck with me. And as I am old (hahaha) I have not departed from it. There's been times I've wavered from it - with alcohol, with friends, with wondering who I am, with wondering if I can figure out who I am in my marriage, with letting friends see that part of me, but I have stuck with it. All I can pray is that I show my children those same values, and, on top of that, I pray I can show them ways they can be productive in God's love before they reach my age. Now, while their youth is so very powerful, and they have such influence on those around them and on the world in general.

I see my nephews and the powerful influence they have on the lives they have around them, and their hearts to serve. I desire that for my boys. I love Justinbustin's heart to volunteer and I pray I continue to encourage and facilitate that. Shawners is getting there. Saturday he volunteered for five hours on an eagle project bolting supports underneath a roof Justinbustin spent ten hours on top of building said roof. Justinbustin has such an amazing heart to serve. I LOVE that about him.

I am praying I can keep the lines of communication open in order to inform him and guard his heart so that he has the power and the wisdom to be able to guard it himself and trust God for all his needs.