Wow, my perspective changes when I have both home.
I instantly go to completely involving my life around Justinbustin's and Shawners gets left in the dust.
It was almost like having Shawners be the oldest one this week where I got him involved in gymnastics, diving class, behind the scenes zoo, figured out volunteer opportunities for the zoo, and gem stone mining in ONE WEEK where I haven't been able to do that in TWO YEARS for him.
Why am I so obsessed with bringing Justinbustin up right and leaving Shawners behind on his passions?
Totally introspective and maybe too TMI for anybody but me to read, but is it because I have more faith in Shawners type of personality that he will do what he wants just like his Dad, and that I'm concerned about Justinbustin's personality because what if he IS like his bio father?
The funny thing is, i have nothing to worry about with either of them, Shawner's bio goes for exactly what he wants and Justin's bio goes for exactly what he wants - they are just different things.
Maybe that is what I think about with Justinbustin, that I want to make sure he has character and morals, unlike his bio, which is completely a choice and Justinbustin does make that choice over and over making the incredible man he is.
When I decided to keep Justinbustin instead of give him up for adoption I completely gave him to God and told God I couldn't do it alone. I told my parents I couldn't do it alone. And I prayed that God would give him a father before he was old enough to remember if he was to have a father that was involved. And God did. So Justinbustin's is God's.
This is my prayer. Please, Lord, help me to give Justinbsutin to you daily and support Shawners passions and gifts you have given me equally. Please help me to not be defensive and protective of Justinbustin in his relationship with his Dad. Please help me to support and encourage their relationship exactly how it should be. Please help me to remember to ask Justinbustin what he thinks of their relationship so i can support his view, and to ask the same of Brando so I can support his view, and not my own view of what I think their relationship should be. Please help me to do this with Shawners and his relationship with his Dad as well as he growing up and getting to that point. Please help me continue supporting Shawners passions and gifts You have given him as I have done this week and at the same time keep supporting Justinbustins passions and gifts but with supporting Shawners as well, as well as to support Justinbustin in the adult he is becoming, and Shawners in the adult he is becoming. Please help both Brando and I to treat Justinbustin as an adult, and Shawners as well as he approaches that age, as how we treat him now is how he sees as an acceptable way to treat others. In that regard, I pray that you would give him and Shawners both the wisdom to see that it is not the only way to treat others, and I thank you for the many amazing adults in Justinbustin's life that show him alternatives to treating others. I pray the same opportunities for Shawners with people who love him and support him and show him the way we live is not the only way, and that there are many ways to love You and live Your ways other than what we choose to do. I pray that Brando and I can stop fighting like cats and dogs over petty stuff. Justinbustin's little whistle when we start nitpicking at each other breaks my heart. It's not detrimental to our relationship, but it's so stupid and just plain unnecessary. Please give us the wisdom and maturity to rise above and see the other person's need rather than the annoyance, and rise to meet the need by serving the other person. Thank you for my precious boys, and thank you for bringing Justinbsutin safely back to us from camp and his road trip and the amazing time he had, as well as the amazing time Shawners and I had here at Camp Mommy :) . As I end my prayers with the boys each night, You truly are an awesome, amazing God and we love you. Amen.
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