Relief

Thank God for childhood best friends that set the record straight. After an hour of her talking and every single thing she said relating to me, after myself only saying one sentence, and nothing else, "It seems like the more time I spend with family, the more drama there is."

Her points which I LOVE and completely agree with are:

*Nobody should be a punching bag for family for their feelings about other people - the second she said this I realized this is exactly what I am for my sister and what a HUGE relief to not have to be that anymore

*If anybody has to ask me for advice to figure out how to live their life something is wrong - this is exactly what I felt like I was for my sister the one she came to when shit hit the fan and turned her back around

*Take time for myself without friends an hour a week, twenty minutes a day, to just be outside my house, not meeting a friend, not doing anything for anyone, just being with myself. This is such a foreign concept I can't even fathom the thought, but definitely sounds wonderful and something I'd like to do

*Without me saying ANYthing about my sister since she is friends with my sister as well, she brought up that my sister lives through her best friend's single girlfriends eyes, and has told her so, and that she needs to be grateful for the husband and kids she has, and that she's not supportive of somebody who may have that

All this made me feel SO MUCH better and realize my relationship with my sister was actually a huge energy suck. The only time we spoke lately was when she had something to vent about how horrible her husband and kids or someone in our family is - the punching bag thing. And I generally don't vent to her, especially about family issues. Speaking of the punching bag thing, she doesn't ever have nice things to say about Brando so I've always had to overcome her name calling or derogatory comments about him when I used to value her opinion so highly. This is also another HUGE relief to be free from.

Overall, I felt so relieved after talking to my childhood best friend. I realized this could actually be a very good thing and allow me some of my energy back for my family. Brando has already noticed and mentioned about how he likes me better lately. Could be vacation, too, but it only happened after I spoke with Kami, so who knows.

Today I'm having a bad day but I can't say why til tomorrow. Regardless, that's the only reason I'm here today to finally write this down and remind myself so maybe that's a good thing!