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Learning to stay positive

Despite the 'changes' my sister and I talked about with our relationship, she still unloads all the negative about our family I never get to see so once again I'm left hearing only negative about our family and not being able to have my own perspective because I wasn't there. Granted I wasn't strong enough to tell her STOP TALKING I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR NEGATIVE PERSPECTIVE ON OUR FAMILY, so here I am again feeling yukky and disillusioned. Now to figure how to go about after the fact telling her I don't want to hear anymore. Tell me something GOOD not everything that you think is messed up or wrong about our family.

Just texted her - she responded 'Sorry...' - works for me - yay! :

"Okay I don't want to hear any more negative about our family. Sorry I didn't catch the conversation in time to stop you. Got off the phone and cant shake this yukky feeling and realized I forgot to say I only want to hear the good! Think of the good stories and tell me the good!! I'm sure that was a lot of work for Abe regardless of how many showed up. Plus Aunt Jan has valuable life history to share - maybe she shared some? And Aunt Katy loves spending time with people. Plus you were on the gorgeous coastline with your hubby who was able to take the days off work. Lots of good things going on there!! I'm sure there were uncomfortable situations but that's life so unless you're looking for a way you can change the situation to make the situation better next time I only want to hear the good so I actually look forward to seeing family the rare times I do get to see them. You're so fortunate you're close enough and actually do the work to take advantage of opportunities to see them! That in itself is a good story. Wanted to text so I didn't forget."

Just realized I didn't need to blog any of this since I dealt with the situation head on. Funny how negative aspects can drag you down into indecisiveness and  not confronting the situation. Glad I've had this almost six month break from constantly hearing negativity to gain some perspective on how enjoyable life is  without that negativity. Also I'm glad I heard a friend say just recently that she feels like venting in the moment is emotional abuse. It's one thing to take a step back, try and figure out a situation, and go to trusted friends for advice, it's another to completely to dump all your emotions on someone in the moment so you can feel bette while you've transferred all your negative energy elsewhere, hence the emotional abuse, and at the same time done nothing to better your situation. Since I've stopped venting in the moment, I have been able to confront difficulties head on so much quicker and reasonably than when I felt like I had to stew and vent before I dealt with the situation and did what needed to be done. Granted there are still situations in my life I am choosing to stew and vent over and have chosen to do so instead of deal with the situation head on. Those are the only areas of my life where I feel like I haven't done the right thing and where I still have that yukky feeling almost like a weight I'm lugging around.

Jobs biography part 3

"Nature loves simplicity and unity." So did Steve Jobs.

Legacy, pg 561

"Someone whose insights come out of the blue and require intuition more than mere mental processing power. Like a pathfinder, he could absorb information, sniff the winds, and sense what lay ahead."

Legacy, pg 566

"Some people say, "Give the customers what they want." But that's not my approach. Our job is to figure out what they're going to want before they do. I think Henry Ford once said, "If I'd asked customers what they wanted, they would have told me, 'A faster horse!'" People don't know what they want until you show it to them. That's why I never rely on market research. Our task is to read things that are not yet on the page."

Legacy, pg 567

"The reason that Apple resonates with people is there's a deep current of humanity in our innovation."

Legacy, pg 567

"I think great artists and great engineers are similar, in that they both have a desire to express themselves. In fact some of the best people working on the original Mac were poets and musicians on the side... Great artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo were also great at science."

Legacy, pgs 567-568

Legacy, pg 570

Falling down around me

Just wrote a huge post and my phone died. Ugh. Here goes retyping.

My sisters dealing with long term affects from an accident back in December. So much so my Mom's coming out to take care of her. Which has me worried, my moms no spring chicken. The awesome lacrosse coach Justin worked with just got cancer. Brando's brother isn't talking to me and removed me from his Facebook. Brando's mom suggested I get on anti-depressants (in defense of her son, but the wrong son).

At least my sister and I made up when I finally called to talk. We agreed things would be different, like I wouldn't put up with her negativity about her family.  Except when I told her about my mom coming out, she was pissed off my mom couldn't babysit her kids, no concern for my mom, no concern for my sister.

Not to mention I'm dealing with feeling like an empty nester already. Justinbustin's fourteen and been gone the first week and a half of summer already. Shawners been gone from 9-12 at vbs or volunteering.

I'm already the old lady going back to school. And really I have no desire to after having kids. Everything else pales in comparison. Not arguing people do good with their educations and educate others (dr r in the house), or work on their career before they have kids.

I have zero motivation to work, go to school, clean house, cook, anything but volunteer for the boys school, eat at fun places, sleep with Brandon, work on photos, and support opportunities for the boys.

I feel like when babies are around, there's always a reason to smile. Brando's a hard sell these days, Justin doesn't want to babysit, and Shawners wants a little brother or sister. Babies are what I do, plus I want my kiddos to have lots of siblings.

Feel like a total loser right now.

Transition time

Schools about to let out for summer. A huge transition time for me. And a major trigger for depression and anxiety for me. Oh boy.

Holy crap

This is what I've felt all along but never seen put into words.

More on exercise

Not sure how technical a 'skinny fat body' is... But definitely want to do more research on this. Justin does weights and running every morning at school, which I'm not necessarily on board with. I met a Mom in the waiting room for Shawner's arm that had her 13 year old in there for the same reason but also had brought him in prior because his muscles were so tense from sports and working out they weren't growing with his bones when he got his growth spurt. She mentioned the doctors see a LOT of this these days with all the sports and working out the kids are doing.